Monday, January 09, 2006

An extra helping of Hoop.

First Helping: Ignorance is forgivable, because it's curable. But I've found that as I've gotten older and perhaps more mature, I cannot tolerate stupidity. Stupidity either pisses me off or makes me laugh in ways that cannot be considered kind. Don't glare at me like that. At least I'm honest about it. Hoop is currently working toward his business degree. You would think that in a field based around professionalism, people could at least pretend to know what the hell they're doing. Unfortunately this just isn't so. I listened last night as Hoop patiently explained to a group mate over the phone the meaning of the term "reward." At first I thought he was patronizing the poor guy and almost berated Hoop when he ended the call. I'm glad I didn't. For as it turned out, he deserved to be commended instead...

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: While I was on the phone with him he actually had to look up "reward" in the dictionary.
Tink: You're kidding me!
Hoop: No. But I think I handled it well. I tried not to sound like I was demeaning him. The guy is thirty-nine years old and he doesn't even know the meaning of the word "reward." How is that possible? How do you go through almost forty years of living without knowing basic concepts such as that?
Tink: That's awful! I almost pity the man. Has he been so deprived of rewards that he can't understand what it means?
Hoop: I know, right?! I mean, was he never given a dollar as a kid for taking out the trash?
...
Hoop: Did he never give his dog a milk bone for doing a trick?
...
Hoop: Did he never get a blowjob for doing something nice for his girl?
Tink: *Falls off the couch laughing*

Second Helping: I'm not an overly emotional person. I'm very capable of not taking offense to backhanded remarks, EXCEPT when they're coming from someone I really care about. It's all fair until you're holding my heart in your hand. Hoop knows this about me. He's usually very careful about how he phrases things, lest I take offense or over-think what he's trying to say. I know this is a flaw of mine. Last night over coffee, Hoop and I got into the dangerous conversation of morals and the decay of modern relationships. He desperately wanted to make a point about cheating partners, but didn't want me to over-analyze and apply the conversation to our relationship...

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: So there's this girl. She's NOT you OK?
Tink: OK.
Hoop: She doesn't look or act anything like you. You don't know her. Her name is Jane. Jane Doe. She lives in Brazil.
Tink: Brazil... Got it.
Hoop: And she's dating this guy. Um... Ghengis.
Tink: Ghengis?!
Hoop: So Jane Doe and Ghengis are living together. Jane starts going out and partying until late. This eventually leads to her cheating on Ghengis-
Tink: -should I be worried?!
Hoop: *Throws hands up in air* I said you don't know these people!
Tink: I really don't want to be having this conversation.
Hoop: Oh my God Tink.


Random Thought:
I would like to go to a pet store and buy the smallest goldfish I can find. I would return it a couple days later. When the person at the counter questions why I'm bringing back my fish, I will answer with the utmost seriousness:

"It's eating me out of house and home!" OR
"It plays too rough with the kids" OR
"It just won't listen when I tell it to sit."

I just want to see what they'd do.

Labels:

18 Comments:

At 10 January, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Thank JESUS Hoop seems to understand how the reward system works. That's a trait I can get behind.

"Stupidity either pisses me off or makes me laugh in ways that cannot be considered kind." I'm with ya sister!

 
At 10 January, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Totally with you on the stupidity thing. Argh.

Why don't I have conversations that are as amusing as your Hoop conversations?! They're great!

 
At 10 January, 2006, Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

I can say from experience that it is IMPOSSIBLE to have a hypothetical discussion about cheating without one person raising the other person's hackles or suspicions.

Did you ever find out who Jane and Ghengis are? Did I spell Ghengis correctly? Probably not.

 
At 10 January, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

You guys seriously crack me up. That blowjob comment? That's so something Dave would say.

 
At 10 January, 2006, Blogger Heather said...

I love the idea about the goldfish!! I would so not have the courage to do something like that, but would LOVE to be hiding in the wings watching when someone did!!

 
At 10 January, 2006, Blogger V said...

Uh...i'd have to agree with Mrs. Harridan about the cheating. haha...if N even says he's been watching "Cheaters" on TV....I start to eye him suspiciously.

 
At 10 January, 2006, Blogger Shrinking Violet said...

Okay, what on earth did the guy think a reward was??? Second, I would pay cash money to see the goldfish stunt. And, third, since The Man and I have our fair share of issues, cheating doesn't worry us. We can spot a cheating spouse a mile off. Then we sit back and discuss how many ways they are going to get smited when they get caught!

 
At 10 January, 2006, Anonymous Amanda B. said...

I'm like that too. There are certain times when I think Scott may be sending me "secret messages" and I start freaking.

Of course he thinks I need to visit the "nervous hospital". Whatever.

 
At 10 January, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

TB: LOL You should have seen the google eyes he made at me while mentioning it.

Chris: Hoop and my conversations are borderline crazy. We probably ate paint chips as kids to get ourselves in this situation. Is it really worth it?! ;)

Mrs. Harridan and V: Right? THANK YOU. It's not my fault that Hoop couldn't possibly know a chick in Brazil. Awfully suspicious if you ask me.

Mama T: We should set up a play date for our guys... And then take ourselves out for drinks.

Heather: If I get bored enough to do it, I'll post pictures of my "horrible" fish before taking him back to the store.

Violet: I can totally see us doing that... when I'm drunk. Ugh. I'm such a horrible excuse for a girlfriend lol.

 
At 10 January, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Amanda B.: I'll meet you there girl! Hoop grabbed me around the shoulders last night and hissed into my face, "Calm down." I felt like the dog. I kept thinking, "If he starts rubbing the tips of my ears so-help-me-God I'll deck him." Hehe

 
At 10 January, 2006, Blogger Brooke said...

If you DO actually pull off the goldfish return...I want pictures!

 
At 10 January, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Are you sure the reward guy isn't your ex-boyfriend who thought "parka" meant "opinion"?

Stupidity is SO, SO frustrating. About five years ago, I was buying foil cooking pans at the supermarket. They were bound together, three in one package. The checkout clerk SCANNED THEM THREE TIMES. I actually had to fight with her not to be overcharged. I still think about it every time I go to the grocery store.

 
At 10 January, 2006, Blogger The Queen Mama said...

Hoop also knows that the reward system goes the other way, right? Do something nice for that man TODAY, sister!

 
At 10 January, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I think Hoop was hoping he would get a reward right that minute. I hope you didn't disappoint him. I've said it b-4 and I will say it again, he's adorable and a crack-up, especially when he doesn't mean to be. Who needs kids when you have a Hoop around??

 
At 10 January, 2006, Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

I have nothing in my cold darkened soul for stupidity except loathing and the glee that comes with being able to poke fun of people like that without fear of them understanding.

The goldfish - lmao...sit, fishy, sit.

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger mE said...

Ummm... speaking of stupid, the reason I haven't been commenting on your entries is because I haven't read them.

The reason I haven't read them is that when I checked your blog every day, I used the bookmark I had put in my 'Daily Blogs' folder to get to your site.

What I didn't notice is that although the addy looked perfectly correct on my menu, there was that little ... after it.

I just couldn't understand why you weren't making any new entries. Were you sick? Had someone absconded with your computer? Had you exploded?

Oh, yah, here's the problem - that ..., when further investigated, proved to be "archives/December".

D'oh!

~Eileen

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger R. Robyn said...

I think since I quit smoking (like 36 hours ago) I am the kind of stupid that might make you laugh in ways that cannot be considered kind. I have turned into Phoebe from Friends. Joey quit too, so he is tolerating me well. I can't even think in complete sentences.

 
At 17 March, 2006, Blogger Love but Hate said...

I was just searching blogs, and I found your blog! I like it!

How to Catch a Cheating Wife

 

Post a Comment

<< Home