Modern Day Prince
I may hate our house. But I do love my other half. Hoop and I attended a dinner last night at one of the most fancy restaurants in town. His regional manager was buying and all of Hoop's coworkers were guaranteed to attend. The significance of such a dinner was not lost on me. So I dug through my limited wardrobe for something nice to wear and came up with...
Actually, I found a badly rumpled skirt and about five long sleeve blouses. LONG SLEEVE blouses. I'd like to say that they originated from a time when I didn't live in Florida. But I can't. I moved here eleven years ago. "I'm not going," I told Hoop. "Why? You look gorgeous!" He said, eyeing the clothes I'd thrown on for work. "I look like I work at Walmart!"
When I started with this company they requested all office personnel wear casual dress clothes. It didn't take long for me to realize that they meant anything not made out of jeans or bearing another company's logo. The few times I've worn a skirt, everyone panics and assumes I have a job interview. So over the years my clothes have dwindled down to a few nice dress pants and a bunch of solid colored t-shirts from Target.
One t-shirt wears out, I buy another. It's easy and there's no need for color coordination. Everything goes with black, brown, tan, or white. I didn't start buying bright colored t-shirts until someone asked me if I was going to a funeral, and I wasn't. The outfit I was wearing yesterday was a pair of chewed up black boots, a pair of nice gray slacks, and a blue shirt with faint bleach stains on it.
I was mortified at the thought of showing up to the fancy dinner dressed that way. "We'll figure something out," Hoop said before leaving. I knew "figure it out" meant me having to spend my lunch knee deep in the Outlet sale racks. So it came as a surprise when Hoop called at lunch to ask my shoe size. "I found the most gorgeous dress! You're going to love it," he said. "I think they have shoes that will match."
Any scepticism I might have had was diminished by the elation I felt at having Hoop take up the cause. I knew in that moment that I was going to wear whatever he bought, no matter what it looked like, proudly and without hesitation. "You're buying shoes too?" "They have a pair that match it perfectly." "But what if they don't fit?" "I'll buy two sizes and take back the one that doesn't work."
Beaming, I ran off to get some nail polish and gloat to anyone who would listen. Two hours later, Hoop called back. "The girls at work say it's not a dress." "It's not a dress?" "No, they say it's a shirt and now I'm worried that it's going to be too short." I had to laugh. The ladies Hoop work with are quite a bit bigger than me. "It'll be fine." Hoop hung up feeling reassured. I hung up hoping I was right.
At 5:30 I started to worry. Hoop and I had agreed to meet halfway between his work and mine at a truck stop. If the dress ended up being too short, I was out of luck. When Hoop pulled up he looked anxious. "Here you go," he said, handing me the bag. The dress (it WAS a dress) was beautiful. "Do you like it?" "I love it!" Bag in hand, I rushed to the bathroom to change.
Not wanting to walk barefoot in a public restroom, I waited until we got back to the car to switch shoes. As I exited the stall wearing the beautiful dress, black combat boots and white socks, a woman stopped to admire. "That's an... interesting outfit." She was obviously jealous. Not everyone can pull off a G.I. Jane combo. Hoop glowed as I rounded the corner. I never thought it possible, but I think I loved Hoop even more in that moment.
The dinner went really well. We ate a gross amount of food and thoroughly enjoyed the company and good conversations. After dinner, Hoop dropped me off at the truck stop to pick up my car. I'm sure that was a sight. A woman exiting a man's car at a truck stop wearing really nice clothes? Hm. I didn't really think about it until several loitering truckers turned to stare. I could practically hear the tongue wagging.
Fortunately, my shoes weren't of the appropriate "Come Fuck Me" height, so no one bothered me on the short walk to the car. Having worked with truckers, I'm familiar with the term "Lot Lizard." Truckers are also good for jokes. Especially jokes involving blondes or Michael Jackson. How do you know it's bedtime at Neverland Ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand. Ha ha ha. *Groan*
After picking up my car we drove to the grocery store. Hoop's office is having a pot luck tomorrow and he was put in charge of dessert. As we pulled into the parking lot I realized I hadn't taken any pictures at dinner. Even worse, no one had taken a picture of Hoop and I all dolled up. So I stopped the nearest couple leaving the store. "Could you please take a picture of us?" The woman looked absolutely confused.
"Picture?" "Yeah. We just left a fancy party and I realized no one took a picture of us in our nice clothes." "You want a picture?" I nodded and handed her the camera. "You want a picture in front of the grocery store?!" Apparently she wasn't getting the question. I had asked if she would mind taking a picture, NOT if she approved of the idea. She finally took one. "Thanks!" I yelled as she quickly fled from me.
It was then that I noticed she'd taken a picture of our heads. Fortunately, I was able to find another person who understood my instructions. They were no less confused, mind you, but at least they didn't ask too many questions. So here you have it, a picture of Hoop and I all dressed up. Don't you love my outfit? Hoop did so well! I think I'm going to have him pick out ALL my clothes. How's that sound, Hoop?
Have a great three day weekend! I'll see you guys on Tuesday.
Labels: Wit and Quips