PB Pity Party

I was going to vlog today. Honest.

Then I got all weepy and I decided there was no way I was posting that. It was bad enough the grouchy old security guard patrolling the mall caught me. I went there to park at lunch and he pulled right up to my window and glared in my puffy face. I was in a parking space too! Fucking Nazi. Then I came back to work and forgot my rings on the bathroom counter. As if that weren't bad enough, the secretary felt the need to page me about it over the office intercom. Paging stupid!

Now I'm counting down the hours until I meet my Mom at my Grandmother's house. We're both spending the night there so we can get up early and go Christmas shopping. I'm thinking of making myself a NyQuil cocktail when I arrive. My Grandmother is NOT the typical Grandma. She's not sweet or doting. She doesn't love you unconditionally or spoil you with affection. Instead she likes to compete for my Mom's attention. She'll jab at you when you're not looking, whether vocally or with one of her pointy little talons. Happy times.

On top of all that, it finally hit me today that I am not getting out of this job any time soon. Which really sucks because I just offered to do a side project next year because I thought I wouldn't be here. Yeah I know, I'm a dope. I've been looking and applying for jobs since August to no avail. Not even Petco and CVS will hire me. They hired that goofy looking nineteen year old boy who wears eyeliner! In fact, NONE of the thirty places I applied at have responded.

The job I have pays decent. There's free health care and two weeks of vacation a year. But they keep adding on more duties without more pay. I live over an hour away. I spend almost one paycheck a month on gas. Now my car keeps overheating. I'm living in some kind of parody! The shittiest part is, I can't go to school if I work at this place. Even hauling ass, I still wouldn't make it to the last class on time. So here I sit, applying for anything I find in the hopes that something will rescue me.

The other day I applied to be a painter. A PAINTER!! Sweet Jebus.

So anyway, there are my current woes. Got any of your own? Lay 'em on me bay-be!

I'm just going to get my violin and a tub of cookie dough.

Oh, and this...



...has got to be the coolest blog candy ever! I stole the idea off of Starchy's blog. Click on the link to get one of your own. I'll be posting my tree each Friday so you can add a gift if you want to. Don't worry, it's free. Stingy bastards.

P.S. Don't forget, the WWC words for this week are LANDSCAPE and ORANGE.

Have a fabulous weekend!

Outbreak 2

What the hell is wrong with you people? Quit tagging me!

Forewarning, this sequel is probably going to suck like "Jaws 2".

But I'm doing it for the *delectable and savory G-Man. Even though this meme requires not four but SEVEN random facts. Oy vey. Maybe I'll make it a holiday edition. After that I'm disinfecting the blog. So please, do not pass your infectious memes this way. I will bust out the sporks. I haven't had a spork-slaying this year, but it's not too late to start.

1. Provide a link to the person who tagged you, and spell out the rules of the meme on your blog. DONE
2. Share 7 (seven) random and/or weird facts about yourself. How bout six and a half?
3. Tag 7 (seven) random bloggers with this meme and post links to their blogs at the end of this post. I like how they spell out the number just in case you're too stupid to understand.
4. Let those who have been tagged know so by leaving a comment on their blog, and telling them where to find information regarding the meme they are now obliged to do. Ha ha. I'm not going to do it just to spite you, evil meme!

Vun. The year before I met Hoop, I dated a guy who was nicknamed Korndog. Yes, with a "K". God, that man was stupid. It was right around Christmas time when I realized I didn't want to continue seeing him. He was controlling and had a bad habit of resorting to childish behavior each time things didn't go his way. Like turning on the washing machine, the sprinkler, and the dish washer while I was taking a shower just to be nasty. So I ended the relationship with Korndog... So I thought. He had other ideas. For two weeks he badgered me with phone calls and texts. Finally, as a last resort, I agreed to have dinner with him so we could "discuss" things. I offered to pick him up. Only instead of driving to a restaurant, I took him to Target instead. "I just need to exchange a few things," I told him. I loaded him up with bags and we went into the store. You should have seen the look on his face when I opened the bags to reveal all the Christmas presents I had bought him! He asked to be taken home after that. How's that for closure?

Two. I could do without the presents, the fancy dinner, and the lights outside. But Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas without a tree. Even when I was living alone, I made the journey to the tree lot almost every year. I couldn't afford much more than a Charlie Brown variety, but having a tree always put me in the spirit just the same. Last year, Hoop and I didn't have a tree because we didn't have a house. So I'm really looking forward to decorating one this year!

Tree. The worst present I've ever received was a set of chipped angel head butter spreaders. The second worst was a necklace made out of rusty bits of metal. Both were given to me by my maternal Grandfather's wife. I think she secretly hates me.

Vore. The best way to NOT get something from me for Christmas is to tell me that you want it. I pride myself on getting people presents that they don't expect and always love. So it's always a huge disappointment when I find out the person either didn't like the gift or hasn't used it since. Last year I bought Hoop a Camelbak, a Chipper Jones collectors picture, and a bunch of other crap he's never used. So this year I'm focusing all my gift-giving energy on him. If that doesn't work, I think my new tradition will be to get him drunk on Christmas morning.

Vive. One of my favorite Christmas memories was from 2003. I was working retail with a single Mother of four and a bachelor with three girlfriends. None of the girlfriends knew about each other. So it was always a little risky when one showed up while he was working. The bachelor would post me as look-out at the front of the store while he spent time with the girlfriend in the back. On the occasion that one of the other girlfriends showed up, my job was to tell them that the bachelor was on lunch and out of the store. Then I would go to the back for "restock items". In reality, I was going to the back to tell the bachelor that the corporate office had called and that our DM was on her way for a visit. So then the bachelor would usher the girlfriend out the back so she didn't bump into the other girlfriend at the front. As you've probably guessed, this was a recipe for disaster. On the Christmas of 2003, all three girlfriends found out about each other by all coming to the store at the exact same time...

Sex. ...Needless to say, the bachelor didn't have any girlfriends by Christmas. So instead, he pooled the money he would have spent on gifts into a fund I had created for the single Mom. We both met after work one day, bought presents, wrapped them, and dropped them off at the back door of our store. She never found out who did it, although I'm sure she suspected. Since then, it has always been a goal of mine to find another single Mom at Christmas. Two years ago, Hoop and I made due with a Mom whose husband was overseas. It's a great tradition. One I wish more people would catch onto. *HINT*

Savan. Sex un a have. Whenever I sit on Santa's knee, it makes me really, really h-

Well, that's all folks. I hope you enjoyed the show. Hopefully tomorrows post will be meme free.

*Please see post 1.

Weekly Words Challenge 11!

The words for this week were Assortment and Purple.

How did you interpret them?

Purple




Assortment

What's left of AG's (Alzheimer Grandpa's) workshop.





(Random Pictures)

Coaster Tower

I get bored easily.

Sunset Drive


Bad Boys


Target


Spoon Nose


Kiss


The words for next week are:

Landscape
and
Orange

If you haven't joined the fun, go here for details.

Outbreak

The *delicious and wholesome Alli has tagged me with a meme. Don't worry, I've forgiven her. She's new and doesn't understand how frequently these things make the rounds. They're like colds, only more vicious. The only thing the flu has ever gotten out of me is snot. Unlike this meme, which requires five random and weird facts. Jebus. Isn't my blog just one BIG random and weird fact? Enough bitching, here's da rules.

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog. Done.
2. Share 5 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are TAGGED by leaving a comment on their blog.

Vun. I hate grease. Greasy foods. Greasy skin. Everything greasy under my hood. When posed with the question, "Would you rather eat a double scoop of lard on a sugar cone or drink a 6oz glass of phlegm?" I didn't even hesitate to shout, "Find me a straw!" Fortunately, it was just a game and I didn't really have to eat anything. But the thought of licking up a big grease ball made me want to cut out my tongue. On a rare occasion Hoop can get me to eat grease in the form of fried chicken, but only if it's well hidden in a salad. Other than that, count me out.

Two. I'm a HUGE "What if" person. I once spent an entire commute (approximately one hour) thinking of ways I would escape my car if it happened to go over the side of the bridge. For many years I carried a Swiss Army knife, a coat hanger, a bottle of water, and a spare pair of panties in my trunk. All items were eventually lost or used for non-emergency purposes. The underwear met its end at the hands of some drunk friends who used it as a slingshot.

Tree. Names and name meanings fascinate me. In Twisted, every name has a meaning that correlates with the character or story in some way. When I was little, I thought of a million names I wanted for my future children. Toby, Lily, Nova, and Cora were among them. Those names have since been used for various pets. Each of our dogs has four nicknames at the least. I name cars and certain appliances. Once, I even named a stapler. Its name was "Moose" if you're curious.

Vore. Unlike Alli, I have never met anyone famous. Unless you count Mickey Mouse. I've never even met someone who became famous later on or was locally infamous. When the Superbowl was being held in Jacksonville, I went to a huge publicized party in the hopes of seeing someone famous. But the Playboy Bunnies and P. Diddy didn't show up until after hours. I tried to look super cute, but the bouncer still threw me out.

Vive. I have bizarre fantasies. No, not those kinds of fantasies! I mean the totally random and off the wall kind. The other day I was standing in the middle of the produce isle and I suddenly got the urge to bite an onion. I didn't. But I wanted to. Sometimes I fantasize about pushing people off curbs or driving until I run out of gas. I used to fantasize about taking a bath in milk. No lie. Lately my fantasies have been of the work variety. I daydream about staying late just so I can screw with the desks of all the people I dislike. Nothing too extreme. Maybe I'd just switch their supplies from right to left or put a piece of tape over the ball on their mouse.

TAG: Eh. If you're feeling froggy, jump.

* You can only use the descriptions awesome, wonderful, talented and beautiful for so long before they stop meaning anything. So I've decided that I'm going to start describing things like I do food...

P.S. Don't forget, the WWC words for tomorrow are ASSORTMENT and PURPLE.

Ugh.

Can't talk, busy digesting.

Would you believe I'm STILL full from yesterday?

In the meantime...

I've updated Twisted (Tink) with a new chapter. "Topsy Turvy" is either the best or the worst chapter yet. It's where everything is finally explained. For all of you the two of you still reading it, feel free to tell me what you REALLY think. I'm already convinced I should scrap the whole thing and start something new. Eh, it's only three years of work anyway. I have cans of soup older than that.

Have a WONDERFUL weekend!

Weekly Words Challenge 10!

Also known as "Pictures Of Blogger Past" and "D'OH!"

The words for this week were Inanimate and Yellow.

How did you interpret them?

Yellow




Yellow + Inanimate





Oop, I lied. This one is new.

Inanimate

This one too. It's part of the poster hanging in my office.





The words for next week are:

Assortment
and
Purple

If you haven't joined the fun, go here for details.

You No Like This Post?

Weekend Recap:
1. My new favorite phrase is, "You no like-?"
2. You can blame Middlesex...
3. ...and the fact that I love annoying my annoying coworkers.
4. "You no like this pen? WHY? What did pen ever do to you?"
5. The book is about Greek incest, of all things. It's totally screwing with my head.
6. In other news, the weekend went smashingly well.
7. We had friends spend the night on Saturday!
8. I don't know what I'm more excited about: the fact that we have friends, or the fact that someone came over that wasn't there to fix or appraise something.
9. The day started off at a Kahlua party.
10. I was the youngest guest there, followed by a 39 year old. The rest were old enough to be my Grandmother.
11. The conversation was low-key until the women switched from coffee and Kahlua to Mimosas. Then the topic switched from books and movies to man-bashing and drugs.
12. One woman recounted how her husband had convinced her a pressure gage was really a breathalyzer and made her breathe into it before he let her get behind the wheel.
13. It took her a year to discover the truth.
14. Later that night, after Hoop and our friends (another couple) had downed a few free beers at home, we made our way to a local pizzeria where a one-man-band was set to perform.
15. This guy, Nate Holley, uses a sophisticated method of looping sound to make it appear that he's a band. The music is AMAZING.
16. Which is a good thing, because the service at this place was horrible. I was sober by the time he stopped playing.
17. Our waitress wasn't though. I caught her doing shots in the back with another patron. It was probably the shot I'd been waiting on for the last hour.
18. Sunday morning Hoop and I did nothing.
19. We pretty much did nothing until five o'clock, when we decided maybe we should do nothing at the movie theater.

MOVIE REVIEW: Beowulf (IN 3D)
Classic mythology meets CGI. This is NOT a cartoon for the kiddies. Bloody and brutal with plenty of eye-candy for both sexes. If you dig that sort of thing. It wasn't quite a romance, not quite a hero's tale, but it packed plenty of action and a moral at the end. The 3D version we paid four dollars extra to see definitely added a unique quality to the whole movie experience. Overall, Hoop and I gave this flick three out of five sporks.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I'd like to get fake nails before the wedding. I used to get them done. They looked really good.
Hoop: I remember. You had fake nails when I first met you. Not that I'm saying you looked better before, but why did you stop?
Tink: They just seemed sort of... high maintenance.
Hoop: What's wrong with that?
Tink: Well- No, you're going to laugh.
Hoop: What? Tell me.
Tink: Oh-kay. Before I get something like that done I always think, but what if I get picked for Survivor?
Hoop: You don't even watch Survivor!
Tink: I know! But what if we get stranded on an island or something? What if your Dad wants to take us on a surprise nature adventure for a month? How stupid am I going to look with fake nails?
Hoop: Babe, if that ever happens, I vow to help you remove your nails before anyone notices. OK?
Tink: OK.
Hoop: But I would like to note that this is almost as ridiculous as driving around a huge gas guzzler on the CHANCE that you might have something to haul eventually.

"You Drive Me Crazy"

I was sleeping in the shower this morning when Hoop opened the bathroom door to say...

"There's blood all over the carpet."

My first thought was that he was awfully calm for having just killed someone.

"Blood?"

Ok, my brain told me, you heard that wrong. Maybe he meant clothes. There are always clothes on the carpet.

"Jazzi cut her paw on something. She's OK, but now there's blood on the carpet."

The carpet that is WHITE. The carpet that I just got professionally cleaned. So what's a girl to do but finish washing her hair? I think the state of my house has made me a fanatic about my own hygiene. The other day I caught myself brushing my arm hair so that it all pointed in the same direction.

"How do we clean this?" Hoop asked, standing in his nice clothes, helplessly. "Just GO." I was already putting cold water and vinegar in a bowl. Fridays are the days I blow-dry my hair down, I thought while blotting the stains. I glanced at the clock, knowing I wouldn't have time for that.

"How are things?" Hoop asked over the two-way as I snapped the hairband in place. "I'm LATE, if that's any indication." I hate mornings that start like this. They're the mornings that make me realize I'm going to be a shitty Mother. "Now don't bleed on anything while I'm away," I told the dog as I was leaving.

On the way to work I had mental fantasies of what my coworker was going to say when he saw my hair. This particular sales guy has appointed himself fashion police. "You should keep your hair down," he whines, Monday through Thursday. "It looks better that way." No amount of explaining will do. He doesn't care about my commute.

So I heard him in my head on the way to work. Because Fridays are the days I let my hair down. But not today. Today there was blood on the carpet. I found myself cringing over an argument that hadn't happened yet. It was unavoidable. So for forty-five minutes I fantasized about beating him up. He cried like a little girl.

"Today's my last day," one of our route guys whispered to me on his way out. "Oh yeah?" "Yeah. I'm moving to Arizona with my ex-wife." "Again? Didn't she get a restraining order on you?" "No need bringing up old shit." "It was a month ago." "It's going to work this time." "Ok."

"Besides," he said. "My roommates bailed on rent. I gotta get out. I'm sick of being used." "I think you're headed in the wrong direction than." "What?" "Good luck!" Another couple of hours pass, marked by the surprise of free beer. My office mates all cheer and thank the boss for his sudden generosity.

Then someone notices the beer is old. We all go back to work. A coworker comes over to complain that she can't get a smoke break. "I don't smoke anymore," I mumble. "I know. I thought you'd understand at least." She huffs off for a puff. When she comes back, she trails the smell of cold and ash. "Ahhhh!" She says, smiling like she's in a Coca-cola commercial.

I wait for five o'clock, draining the coffee pot. Finally, the dreaded salesman returns. He points at my hair and opens his mouth. "My dog cut her paw and bled all over our white carpet this morning and I was running late because I had to clean it up and so help me God if you say another word about my hair I will seriously hurt you."

He shuts his mouth. Smug, I go back to my cube, feeling as if I diffused a bomb. "It really does look better down," he says. I can feel my neck flushing. But he doesn't run. He stands there, waiting for a response. "Oh my God." It comes out like a moan. "What?" "I know why she did it!" "Who?" "Britney Spears."

Have a great weekend!

* I'm halfway through a new chapter for Twisted (Tink). It should be ready by early next week. This would be a great time for those who haven't read it to catch up. *Nudge* Please?

* Don't forget, the WWC words for next week are YELLOW and INANIMATE (meaning "not alive").

The Works

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(In which I reveal our real names! *Gasp*)
Hoop: Are you farting on me?!
Tink: No.
Hoop: Yes you are!
Tink: HOW did you know?
Hoop: If I told you the sign, then you'd stop doing it.
Tink: I was trying to be sneaky, too.
Hoop: Well you weren't, Cristinky.
Tink: Cristinky! I kind of like that.
Hoop: Oh yeah?
Tink: Yeah. Just don't tell my family, because then it'll stick. Then I'll have to start a nickname war-
Hoop: -Right... So, what would mine be?
Tink: Um. Jeffpoopy.
Hoop: Real original, babe.

Around The Water Cooler:
Coworker: So where'd you go at lunch?
Tink: To get my little brother a birthday card.
Coworker: Aw.
Tink: Yeah. The front says, "Great, another boring birthday card." The inside says, "With a booger in it!"
Coworker: Ew.
Tink: I know, real mature. It's not like he's turning eight either. He's going to be fifteen!
Coworker: Are you putting money in it?
Tink: What do you think the booger is going to be holding in place? Duh.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: Oo, babe! The local community college is going to be putting on a theater production of Peter Pan!
Hoop: That sounds... awesome.
Tink: We could take the boys (my brothers).
Hoop: Don't do that to them.
Tink: What do you mean?
Hoop: They love you, and because they like spending time with you, they'll go. But they're not going to WANT to go.
Tink: Oh my God. You're right!
Hoop: What are you doing?
Tink: Calling them.

Spam Subjects:
(In the order I received them)
He will dance Only if you shoot at his feet.
Party on this Halloween You're either late or really really early.
Bigger is better they say WHO says? Please, point the way. I'd like THEM to make me clothes.
Why settle for what you have? Pfft. Yeah. Cause that would be stoopid.
Want it to hang? Like, out? No.
As seen on television Hopefully not on COPS.
Dating for sexoholics What dating? Don't they just meet at a hotel?

Question Of The Day:
Without looking back in the archives, what is the most memorable post on this blog? What about another blog? For example, whenever I think of Mama T's blog, I think of the post where Julia found a dead ladybug in the car and wanted it revived. For the life of me though, I can't find that post. I'm not dreaming it up, am I Kat? When I think of Sunshine, I think of Blog Prom. With Mignon, it's the horribly misspelled (and hilarious) Valentine's from her daughter's class. So, what is it for you? You tell me yours and I'll tell you more of mine.

Weekly Words Challenge 9!

The words for this week were Architecture and Red.

How did you interpret them?

Red






Architecture









They say you can see the face of Henry Flagler in this tile. Can you?

(Random Pictures)

Chalk Art




Hoop's Masterpiece

It's Tinkerbell!

Mary and Me


I also have pictures of Mary's adorable kiddos. But I haven't gotten her approval to post them. So possibly, more to come.

The words for next week are:

Inanimate
and
Yellow

If you haven't joined the fun, go here for details.

Mondays Blow

Weekend Recap:
1. I think I have gamer's elbow.
2. Not to mention gamer's forearm, wrist, thumb, and pointer-finger.
3. It pretty much hurts if I make the gun sign with my hand.
4. I knew I should have stopped after two hours of continuous play on Friday night. But I couldn't let Hoop kill more bears than me!
5. He totally whooped my ass at squirrel hunting too.
6. Which he fails to see, makes him a bigger redneck than me.
7. Saturday morning, Hoop went off to work and I got gussied up to hand out resumes at the bank.
8. *Ahem* TO the bank. I wasn't standing on their street corner or anything.
9. Unfortunately, the representative there gave me the brush off before I could properly sell my soul.
10. "Have you ever worked at a bank?" "No, but-" "Because this is a very busy bank." "I'm-" "If you haven't worked at a bank before, it's doubtful that they'll hire you for this branch." "I'm used to working for busy-" "We'll let you know something soon." "Hm. Ok. Thank you."
11. Ah! I forgot how much job hunting makes me want to crawl into a hole and die.
12. Because of this, I've always prided myself on being a polite interviewer.
13. Even to that idiot who came 30 minutes late on Thursday and then confessed that she lives three hours away.
14. Although the young woman who gave a lengthy explanation as to why she was "wrongfully" accused of battery was a close second.
15. Sunday morning, Hoop and I rode out to Orlando to meet up with the wonderful Mary and her two adorable kiddos.
16. I'd originally picked Downtown Disney because it's free and rarely busy, and between the Lego center and the live shows, there's usually something interesting for children to get into.
17. What I didn't know was that this weekend they were putting on a chalk show. The crowds were at least triple what they are normally at this time of year.
18. But it's hard to mess up good company. So none of us minded the people too much.
19. My favorite part of the day was when the kids were given chalk and a small square of sidewalk to make into their own masterpiece.
20. Clara was working on some flowers while her brother, Jacob, made a nice Mario and Luigi scene.
21. Meanwhile Hoop, who was hell-bent on showing me up, worked on a large Tinkerbell portrait. (Pictures to come)
22. At one point a gentleman walking by asked me, "And how old is YOUR child?" Hmm. 30 going on 5. ;)

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: You know what's gross?
Tink: What?
Hoop: Shit. I'm pretty sure 'shit' is the grossest thing there is.
Tink: What about a rotting body?
Hoop: Hm. That would be second on the list.
Tink: What about a pus-filled boil?
Hoop: Ewww! That would be third.
Tink: I don't understand how 'shit' is still number one.
Hoop: I base it on what I would NOT be willing to rub on my face.
Tink: So... You would rather rub a rotting body on your face than poop?
Hoop: Hey, 'shit' is pretty nasty. What- what are you doing?
Tink: I'm pretending to rub a dead body on my face. I don't care what you say. This is much more gross.

We are SO mature.

Don't forget the WWC tommorrow. The words for this week are RED and ARCHITECTURE.

Trading A's For Q's

Thanks to everyone for the much appreciated advice and support. Not to get all sappy or nuffin, but I honestly don't know what I'd do without you guys. So, thank you! Hoop and I moped around the house last night and decided that all of our problems stem from Bush. Stupid Bush. We're going to throw a party during election time. One of the decorations is going to be a large pinata of Bush's head. I'm going to fill it with pennies and dum-dums. Maybe I could charge everyone a buck to hit it and add it to the wedding pool!

Speaking of the wedding. As sweet as the idea of having a fundraiser on the site was, I would feel too much like I was taking advantage of you guys. The ONLY time you'll see one of those on my site is if Hoop, the dogs, or I are in need of a serious operation. Like removing Hoop's foot from his mouth. Eventually the boy would need to eat, ya know? As for the offered services like the flowers (BG), and the veil (Kelly), I'll let you know. The fact that you even asked got me so misty-eyed, my coworkers kept asking if I was about to sneeze. So then of course I had to fake one, which was both pathetic and weird.

Now on to the questions!

**********************************
Q: Furiousball asks, "I have a question for the dogs. Which one of Hoop's sideburns is your favorite and why?"

A: When I asked them, Jazzi wagged her tail and Duff continued to munch on his own ass. I think that translates to mean, "Silly human! We can't see that high up." Now if you were to ask me, I would say the left one.

**********************************
Q: Mama Tulip asks, "What was the first concert you ever saw?"

A: The first concert I went to was PlanetFest, back in 1999. I was sixteen at the time. Three of my friends and I loaded up in a VW bus and passed around a joint for the forty-five minute drive. We were all so high by the time we got there, we lost each other within the first ten minutes. I found one of the girls a couple hours later. She'd been riding the mosh pit for awhile and someone had stripped her of her shirt on the last wave. Another of my friends was found sleeping on someone else's blanket. Once we regrouped, we claimed a small patch of grass as our own and enjoyed the rest of the show. Eve 6, Tether's End, Stroke 9, and Jimmie's Chicken Shack were just a few of the bands that year. Ah, good times!

**********************************
Q: R.E.H. asks, "Why would a beautiful girl like yourself, who is the proud owner of such magnificent hair want to cut it all off? And, why (thankfully) did you end up keeping most of it?"

A: I would like to clarify, I never claimed to be proud of my hair. Personally, I think hair is overrated. Name one thing it's good for. Seriously. My original plan had been to donate my hair to a company that makes wigs for cancer kids. But then I found out they don't take hair with highlights in it. Apparently, kids with cancer aren't allowed to be stylish. Those poor kids just don't get a break! I decided to stick with the short hair cut anyway. Unfortunately, I ended up with a stylist who had other ideas. So my locks have been rescued for another few months. But mark my words, their day is coming!

**********************************
Q: Scottsdale Girl asks...

"What's your sign?"

A: Aquarius.

Which famous person do you think you look the most like?"

A: SheRa

**********************************
Q: Dave63 asks, "Why the name Tink?"

A: One of my roommates once claimed I looked like Tinkerbell. Of course, that could have been because we were drunk and I was running around trying to grant wishes with a toilet bowl brush. For some odd reason people at the party kept running away from me. It didn't help that I was laughing too hard to inform them the brush was NEW. Before that moment though, I'd always had a love of fairies. The winged creatures, not the roommate who used to let his boyfriend borrow my clothes. He was a dick.

**********************************
Q: Gawilli asks, "What do you and Hoop really want in a wedding?"

A: Something small and memorable. If we had our wish it would be in a garden or park, where the scenery could serve as decoration enough. I like the idea of a fancy party afterward though. My Mom and Stepdad had theirs in a winery with a balcony overlooking the water. There was more than enough wine, and the band played long after they were scheduled to leave. People talk about my parents' wedding to this day, five years later.

**********************************
Q: Butterfly Girl asks, "If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?"

A: A Namer! I want to be the person who gives names to new colors of lipstick or new flavors of ice cream. Can you imagine all the freebies I'd get in the process?

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Q: Captain Corky asks, "How long are your toes?"

A: In order from biggest toe to smallest: 1 1/2 inches, 1 1/4 inch, 1 inch, 1 inch, 3/4 inch.

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Q: Melanie asks, "Tell me about your wildest getting drunk experience, and how was the hangover?"

A: I rarely get drunk, so the experience is always a bit wild. I once got drunk and forgot my curfew. Obviously I wasn't of age yet. When I finally made my way home, my Mom greeted me at the door yelling. "Have you been drinking?!" I told her I had. She asked how many I'd had and I said, "One." One! Yeah, right. "I hope you have a hangover in the morning!" And boy did I. She made sure she got me up bright and early to enjoy it too. There was also the first time I got drunk around Hoop. I spent the entire night on the bathroom floor. He sat in there with me, talking. Well, HE talked. I just groaned a lot. But neither of those two times was "wild" in the sense you're asking about. Hm. I guess my wildest drunk memory was the time the cops raided our flop house party. Everyone got scared and hid in my bedroom... All 20-something of them!

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Q: Kell asks, "If you could honeymoon anywhere, where would it be?"

A: I would like to go somewhere I haven't been before. Ideally, it would be somewhere overseas. Maybe Ireland, Italy, or Greece. As it stands, I think we can manage somewhere in South Florida. I'm pushing for the Keys. I've never been below Tampa. Which is really sad since we LIVE in Florida.

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Q: Real Live Lesbian asks, "What's your favorite color and why?"

A: Blue. It seems to have a shade for every emotion. It can be calming, fierce, powerful or simply blend in as a background.

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Q: Fiwa asks, "What book changed your life and why?"

A: Whatever that bible-sized sex book was my Mom kept in the basement was. *Sniff* I really loved that book.

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Q: Edge asks...

"What's your bra size, and don't lie ... and reverse cowgirl or missionary?"

A: 34A. Cowgirl. You happy now?!

"Are you also an organ donor and if you are, what organ would you hope someone would get on your untimely demise?"

A: I am. I would hope the first thing to go would be my heart. The last would be my eyeballs. Thinking about another person watching the world through my eyes (literally) creeps me out.

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Q: Jay asks...

"Can you tell your readers a little about how discovering my blog was probably the best day of your life and how I bring a light and warms to your life through my blog that nobody ever has in the past?"

A: What Jay said.

"How long did Hoop have to stalk you before you gave in and went out with him? Or vice versa."

A: Can you believe I waited a year for Hoop to ask me out? I kept making googly eyes at him, he kept making them back, and still... NOTHING. Until one day he chased me out to my car to ask for a date. It was like the proposal. I was thinking, "About time!" But I didn't know him back then, so I didn't actually vocalize it like I did more recently.

"If you could take the place of any actress in any movie classic or not so classic who would it be and why?"

A: Annie (Sandra Bullock) in "Speed." Oh my God, that part where Jack (Keanu Reeves) is all like, "Turn around asshole!" But when the person does, he realizes it's Annie and not the mad bomber. So then he's all like, "Oh no! It's that hot girl from the bus." And she's all like, "Help me Jack. I love you!" Yeah... I really wanted to be Annie just then. Minus the bomb.

"Which male character (not the leading man, but the character he plays) would you consider to be the perfect man?"

A: Hello. Jack!

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Q: Newt asks, "If you could be any animal which would you choose and why and what would be the first thing you would do as that animal?"

A: I would be a man-eating tiger. RAR. Or maybe a bird, so I could see the world at the most inhuman heights.
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Q: Pamer asks, "What is your favourite Beer and Jerky?"

A: Bud Light and Teriyaki.

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Q: Wordgirl asks, "Nature or nurture? Which do you feel is more responsible for the way a kid turns out?"

A: Nurture. My Dad provided some pretty screwed up genetics, but I turned out OK. At least I think I'm OK. You never know when those genes could have a delayed reaction.

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Have a great weekend guys!

Open Forum

I'm in a foul mood today.

Not toward you. You're OK.

Work is sending me to a different branch tomorrow to conduct interviews. I have one interview every half hour from 8:30 am until 4:30 pm. It's like speed dating for job candidates. "I'm sorry. I'd really like to hear how you're qualified for the position, but the egg timer just went off. You have to leave now." I'm trying to figure out how to cut my list of twenty questions down to four. Maybe I'll just cut them up into strips and draw them randomly out of a hat as the applicants arrive.

On top of work woes, I'm having pre-wedding-planning jitters. During lunch I asked Hoop for the hundredth time if he just wanted to elope. "We could do it in Hawaii!" He nixed that idea and reiterated that he'd really like all the family to be there. Isn't this role reversal? My feeling on the situation is, we're poor. Bottom line. We might be able to save up three grand by next year. But even having a backwoods wedding where I cater and Hoop gets his tux from a funeral home is going to wipe out any chance of us having a honeymoon.

Hello! The honeymoon is the BEST part!

Anyhoop. I'm rambling, I know. It's the coffee... or the crack. I'm just kidding. I don't do crack. Do you know how expensive that shit is?! Here's the deal. You all have until Thursday night to ask me whatever question(s) you want and I am obligated to answer them all. I know I haven't been the most diligent responding to my comments lately, although I promise I read and enjoy every one. So here's your chance.

Ask me about something I've written in the last month, or about something I haven't yet divulged. (Is that even possible?) Maybe you're sick and you want to know my bra size. You're going to be very disappointed if you do. Perhaps you have a question for Hoop or one of the dogs. Do you have a critique, suggestion, or rant? THIS IS YOUR CHANCE. Ok, ok. If you don't get it yet, you never will. Happy questioning my friends. I will see you again on Friday!

Weekly Words Challenge 8!

Can you believe I've been doing this for two months now?

The words for this week were Old and Blue, with bonus spork points for Halloween.

How did you interpret them?

The River Blue


Blue Skyline


Old

Aptly named "Gilligan."

Halloween

I went to work as Corporate America. Can you tell?

(Random Pictures)

Us Girls

Der be booze in dem der cups.

Full Bloom

Aren't they beautiful? Unfortunately, my coworkers made me take them home. They said it was starting to smell like a funeral home in the office.

The words for next week are:

Architecture
and
Red

If you haven't joined the fun, go here for details.

Coffee IV Please

It's Monday.

Need I say more?

Here, have some movie reviews.

30 Days Of Night-
The problem with Horror/Gorror movies is that the characters in them continuously do things that put them in harm's way. If they didn't, there wouldn't be a movie. But watching the characters make stupid decision after stupid decision can wear on a viewer. I heard Hoop mumble "idiots" at least five times during this flick. I'll admit, the plot was somewhat predictable. But the blood and creep factor was a work of art. The writers took Vampirism to an all new level. Not for the young or the squeamish, I recommend this movie to scary movie buffs of all kinds. Hoop and I gave this movie three out of five sporks.

American Gangster-
I'm a sucker for true stories from another era. This one was interesting enough that I looked up more information on it once I got home. "American Gangster" takes place in the 1970's, back when Frank Lucas was the heroin kingpin of Harlem. The movie follows his career, from the death of his boss "Bumpy" Johnson, to the end of the Vietnam War when his business came crashing down. From what I've read in interviews with Frank Lucas, this story is as real as it gets. As with the character in the movie, the real Mr. Lucas doesn't have any remorse for his actions. Rather, he seems proud of them. Hoop and I gave this movie four out of five sporks.

The Creature-
What could go wrong with a military experiment to splice together a dolphin and a great white shark? Pfft. Everything! I'm a huge fan of hokey scary movies. But this one was painfully stupid. The monster was a shark/dolphin with legs, arms, and claws that could swim in water AND walk on land. When they weren't showing it pop up through house floors, it was hanging from a tree or rigging traps underwater for underwater fishermen. I give this movie zero out of five sporks.

Open Forum:
I know I haven't been the most diligent about answering comments lately. Rest assured, I read and enjoy them all. There's a lot going on behind the scenes at PB. Both Hoop and I are gearing up for job changes and hopefully I'll be going back to school starting Spring semester. YAY! Between the house, tossing around wedding ideas, and entertaining family from both sides, Hoop and I are pooped. So on Wednesday I'll be having an open forum. You all are free to ask whatever your hearts desire and I guarantee I will respond to your questions on Thursday's post. And so we can get it out of the way now...

Hoop wears boxers, not briefs. Sorry if that was your question.

WWC tomorrow!

Peoples Taste Like Chikin!

My soon to be fifteen year old brother has asked for a Gorilla Suit for his birthday.

I'm not sure why. This ad claims it "makes a great Easter costume." Easter... As in Jesus and the Gorilla. As if egg laying bunnies weren't scary enough.

Halloween went really well. I was having so much fun, I forgot to take pictures! The madness started at six, when I finally arrived home from work. Hoop phoned to tell me that he would be arriving late and Mom called to say that she and the boys would be right on time. So I frantically ran through the house trying to assemble my costume and simultaneously decorate the outside stoop. It went something like this... Splatter blood on shirt. Dump bones outside door. Splatter blood on face. Set up fog machine. Splatter blood on house. Shit! Wipe blood off of house.

I had doubts about our theme when the trick-or-treaters started to arrive. The neighbors across from us had an elaborate graveyard and a chainsaw wielding madman. We had Styrofoam bones and a cooking pot filled with candy. But once the sun set, it didn't really matter. "Bone?!" I asked the children as they arrived, waving a femur at them. Most just laughed and asked for candy instead. Some instinctively reached for what I was handing them and then recoiled when they realized what it was. A select few actually chose the bone.

"Can I have this?" A tiny Spiderman asked me, holding up part of a spine. I looked at Hoop. He shrugged. "Sure kid. Why not?" "Thanks!" The kid shouted, running back toward his parents. "Can I have one too?" His friend asked. We gave him an arm bone and sent him on his way. "They gave us bones!" We could hear them exclaim to their parents at the end of the driveway. "That's... nice, sweetie." I'm sure the adults were mentally marking which house we were at so they knew which one to avoid next time. "It's official," Hoop told me. "We're passing out bones instead of candy next year."

Doses Of Tink: Twisted (Tink) has been updated with another new chapter, "Fairy's Tale." Both this chapter and the next have been rolling around in my head for over a year now. I hope you enjoy!

P.S. Don't forget, the WWC words for this week are OLD and BLUE. Happy snapping!

UPDATE: Over on G-Man's blog I jokingly asked him if he could Photoshop my head onto Jessica Biel's body. JB happens to be Hoop's fantasy girlfriend. To my surprise, the awesome and amazing G-Man did it. I can't stop laughing. Enjoy!

(G-Man, I hope you don't mind me posting this.)



Have a great weekend!

Out With October

So ends my favorite month...

Updates on Halloween tomorrow.

October Hit Statistics:
1. The primary day for hits was Tuesday.
2. The most popular hour being 2pm.
3. The top referrers were Jay and Alien.
4. The most used search term was, "bottling pickled beef tongue"
5. My favorite search terms were, "horse in a bikini," "dog chews crotch," and "tint tits."
6. The highest hit post (247) was on October 23rd, the day I (sort-of) announced Hoop's and my engagement.

31 Quirks For 31 Days:
1. My 14yr old brother doesn't understand etiquette when it comes to two-way radios.
2. See, you're supposed to beep once and then wait for the other person to beep back before talking.
3. He just talks.
4. I don't know how many times I thought my purse was speaking to me.
5. It's very unnerving.
6. I love scaring people.
7. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't jump out from behind something to scare Hoop.
8. Fortunately, he has nerves of steel. I hope our children inherit that trait.
9. Because scaring babies is WAY too easy.
10. I, on the other hand, startle easy. I have been known to scare myself while trying to scare others.
11. Every car I've ever owned has been blue.
12. I never put songs into a mixed CD arbitrarily.
13. Because of this, sometimes one CD will take me six months to make.
14. Despite being good at handling finances, I hate handling cash.
15. Six years ago, when I worked as an assistant manager at a retail store, my least favorite part of the night was counting the drawer down.
16. I used to have nightmares that my drawer was a penny off and they wouldn't let me go home until I figured out where it went.
17. I've been looking at getting a part time job as a bank teller so I can go back to school.
18. A BANK TELLER.
19. The flowers in my office are so fragrant, I can fart and no one notices!
20. Hoop's Mom says I belong on an episode of Seinfeld.
21. I think it's strange that the cleaning lady tells me what I can and cannot put into my own trash bin.
22. God forbid I slip up and put an empty coffee cup in there. Then she goes all trash Nazi on me and "accidentally" forgets to take my bin for a week.
23. Before I leave this job, I'm going to collect all the used coffee cups I can. Then I'm going to make a pyramid out of them on my desk.
24. It didn't take Hoop proposing to know that we would be together for life...
25. But somehow, it made it feel more real.
26. That doesn't make the prospect of planning a wedding any less daunting though!
27. Do you think we could get away with having it at the bowling alley if we get everyone really really drunk first? No? Why not?
28. Sometimes Hoop and I pretend we're in a musical.
29. Not during sex though. That would just be weird.
30. My four favorite smells are fresh coffee, blooming Jasmine, men's cologne (lightly), and fog from a fog machine.
31. I hate the smell of cut grass, grease, old cigarette smoke, and feet.
*32. On a typical night I get five to six and a half hours of sleep.
*33. Which explains why I once fell asleep while cleaning the tub.

Around The Water Cooler:
Tink: *Answers phone* I'm not here.
Coworker: Oh. Ok. Hey Tink, this is-
Tink: You didn't wait for the beep!
Coworker: Oh. Sorry.
Tink: Beeeeeeeeep.

November Search Terms (Already!):
1. girlfriend wondering what to do with his ex-wife's wedding gown WHY does he have his ex-wife's gown? Do you hear that? Those are alarm bells hon.
2. husband told on your knees lick clean our pussies Those poor cats.
3. its not over until its over Thank you Obvious Man.