This morning I watched a teenage girl plow into a family of baby ducks I had just slowed down to let pass. Then she flicked me off. I cried rivers through my make-up all the way to work. When I finally got in, I hid in my office for an hour, not bothering to turn on the lights. My boss and his cohorts discussed politics on the other side of my door. Their voices carried through the vents like a loud speaker. "I think the government needs to stay out of things," my boss said to his audience. "Like Katrina. The government shouldn't have been helping those people."
I hissed air through my teeth, waiting for someone to disagree. But the silence, followed by a change in subject, told me that the cowards had all nodded their heads in agreement. "Those people", as if they weren't our people. Disgusting. I was standing in the checkout line of the grocery store two nights ago when a man carrying a case of beer came up behind my full cart. "Go ahead," I had told him, motioning for the conveyor belt. He took the spot without so much as a thank you. It made me think of all the doors I've held and cars I've let in lately without so much as a nod in return. Maybe these really aren't my people.
It feels like there's a Chinese fire drill going on in my head. All these thoughts are racing around, racing around, waiting for their chance at the driver's seat. "I'm too weak." "This is what I have to become to survive." "You're either a mover, a shaker, or a ballbreaker." I told Hoop on the phone this morning that I hate people. "You don't hate me," he said. "You don't hate your Mom." Leave it to Hoop to poke a hole in my generalization. "So I don't hate people. I just hate MOST people." I don't hate Jon Stewart... J.K. Rowling... the Dalai Lama. And for the record, I don't hate any of you.
There's a definite deficiency in the human condition though. Somewhere along the years we lost chivalry, followed soon after by compassion and morality. In an effort to be individuals, we lost the ability to be united. How do we fix that? Is it like a pendulum? Will it swing back? I'm not depressed. But thank you, to those who were concerned yesterday. I'm tired. I'm disappointed. I'm grieving over the loss of something I foolishly thought still existed. Every day I was being assaulted by it and I didn't even realize... This world is beating the optimism right out of me.
I need you to do something for me this weekend, OK? I don't ask for things very often. What I need is to hear about an act of chivalry, a conscious effort that caused you to go out of your way for someone else this weekend. I need to know that there's still hope. I'm going to do it to. Then I'm going to post about it on Monday. Leave your good deed(s) in the comment section of that post, or write a post of your own and leave us a link. It doesn't have to be something huge. Any small deed will do. Maybe if we put enough good juju out there it'll- I don't know, catch?
So pay it forward Homebloys, and have a wonderful and safe weekend!
Labels: Contest, Gripes, People/Life