Please send work. I'm out of lotion.
P.S. I'll admit, I wasn't as stingy with my nest egg as I could have been. But who knew I was going to be out of work this long! As I sat in front of the computer yesterday, looking at my bank account and saying a bunch of expletives, I realized I had to do something (crazy). Otherwise I was going to start hitting into our "ABSOLUTE EMERGENCY!" money. That's the money I set aside in case Hoop or I ever ended up in jail or the hospital. It would be my luck that the moment I spent the money, one or both of those situations would happen. Hopefully unrelated!
Ugh. There are totally too many !s in this letter already. I don't want you to think that me running out of money means I can't eat. I can eat. I just can't eat expensive things like sushi, or steak, or anything that isn't on sale or B1G1 Free. Capeesh? Unemployment pays for 97% of my bills (thank God). So the worst thing that's going to happen by me running out of money is that my hair wont get done and my legs will start peeling (adding water to lotion only lasts so long) and I won't be able to go anywhere because my car will be out of gas and it's over 100 degrees outside.
It's enough to get a girl down. Last week I had to buy two weeks worth of groceries on $80. But I did it! I was so proud of myself that I bragged to the checkout lady, who didn't care one iota. This morning I realized that my littlest brother is turning 15 next Saturday. The thought of having to give him a crappy homemade birthday card that says "I'm sorry I suck. But I love you!" made my stomach sick. So I did something crazy. I gathered up all the jewelry my ex ever gave me and I sold it. I got $100 for it all. They even pulled out the gemstones for me to keep.
I thought I'd be sad. But I wasn't. I felt triumphant. And maybe a little liberated. I took a problem and I found a solution for it. I didn't have to borrow, beg or steal. I didn't cry and I didn't have a pity party. After pulling out the money for my brother, I went out and bought myself a bottle of wine... on discount, of course. I don't know what I'll do when this money runs out. I'm out of jewelry and Hoop isn't going to restock me ;). But maybe I'll have work by then. Are you listening, Job Fairy? That was a hint!
Have a wonderful weekend Homebloys.
I'll think of you over a glass of wine.
Labels: Gripes, Wit and Quips