Monday, February 09, 2009

Rules To Blog By

A real life friend, and part-time lurker, has decided to open his own blog- The Beer Geek. Feel free to stop by and haze him. As the bored good Blogger that I am, I have decided to compile a list of Blogging rules to help him and other noobs out. Feel free to join in on that too.

1. Never start a post with an apology for the stupid post ahead...
2. ...or the words "I have nothing to say" followed by details.
3. Great opening lines include the words booger, dinosaur, Chuck Norris, waffle and pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism.
4. Blogging requires no educational background (obviously)...
5. ...but it helps if you can at least site your sources.
6. Unless you have multiple personalities, you should limit yourself to no more than two blogs.
7. Having five blogs: one for what you ate, what movies you saw, what pictures you took, what you did on Monday and what strange materials you pulled out of your cat's hairballs is too much.
8. TALKING IN ALL CAPS SHOULD BE RESERVED FOR SHOUTING...
9. ...AND DOUCHEBAGS.
10. Nothing is private on the Internet. Nothing.
11. If you don't believe me, go ahead and post your social security number.
12. Don't write about anything that could get you fired, that you don't want your Mother or Lover to know, or that could possibly pin you to that Big Boy vandalism of '92.
13. I swear I don't know who drew a penis on that statue!
14. For the love of Jebus, please use spell chek.
15. When in doubt, list it out.

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23 Comments:

At 09 February, 2009, Blogger Janet said...

Jebus ;-)

 
At 09 February, 2009, Anonymous TheBeerGeek said...

Ok so Ill only have two blogs then not 5! lol
Now people will come, because I made it and Tink will make them come! YIKES!

 
At 09 February, 2009, Blogger Fortune Cookies said...

great advice!

 
At 09 February, 2009, Blogger Jay said...

I'm not sure where the magic word count number is, but at some point in long blog posts the law of diminishing returns kicks in. The longer the post, the fewer the comments much of the time. Probably less than 1,000 words.

Oh and Tink Rules. Gotta remember that. ;-)

 
At 09 February, 2009, Blogger Persnickety Ticker said...

Rules to live by...er..blog by. Got it. Thanks for the heads up.

I was thinking about starting another blog until I remembered that I don't post regularly on the one I have and then the voices in my head started calling me names before my other personality popped out and said she already had a blog and I would never ever know the address because everything she writes is private.

Glad I don't have pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism cuz it sounds painful.

 
At 09 February, 2009, Anonymous Daisy said...

All heed the words of Tink! She is wise and gifted in the bloggity world (well, the real world too..)

(My word ver is "MELFS" -- is that a new think I haven't heard about yet? Like MILFS but involving elves?)

 
At 09 February, 2009, Blogger Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

well, sometimes I LIKE TO USE ALL CAPS< SO SUE ME!

 
At 09 February, 2009, Blogger Farmer*swife said...

Great Tips, Gal!

 
At 09 February, 2009, Blogger Reb said...

Damn Tink...I guess I should remove my SIN from my blog then, eh? We Canucks have a much better acronym..Social Insurance Number. That and I guess our forefathers knew it wasn't really all that secure!

 
At 09 February, 2009, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Wise words to blog by, indeed.

 
At 09 February, 2009, Blogger meno said...

A-fucking-men!

 
At 09 February, 2009, Blogger Hilary said...

A fine list. I have a couple to add.

Reread your work to make sure you didn't any words out.

Avoid using rhetoric because really, who needs that?

When trying to get a point across, be precise. More or less.

dont forget to use proper punctuation

;)Not entirely original. I read a huge list of grammar rules a long time ago. These kind of stuck with me. Fun post, Tink!

 
At 10 February, 2009, Blogger flutter said...

Oh Tink, I love you

 
At 10 February, 2009, Blogger Terri said...

I didn't read everyone's comments so they may covered this, but NEVER use full names.

'specially when you've ranted and raved about a person's negative character flaws. Even if you think they won't find it ever, they could. Trust me!

 
At 10 February, 2009, Blogger Woman in a Window said...

OH MY GOD, I'M A DOUCHEBAG!
(whew, at least i only have two blogs.)

 
At 10 February, 2009, Blogger Chris said...

When in doubt, post a cute picture of a pet. ;)

 
At 10 February, 2009, Blogger Dana said...

Ha! These are priceless!! Where were you when *I* started blogging?

 
At 10 February, 2009, Blogger Gramps said...

1) A blog about what I eat. What a great idea! I'll get started tonight.

2) Another important rule: don't every write about babies. Nobody wants to hear about those slimy, stinky, snot-nosed things.

 
At 10 February, 2009, Blogger mamatulip said...

This is awesome, Tink. Words for bloggers to live by.

 
At 11 February, 2009, Blogger blewknight said...

I copied and pasted so that if I ever have a blog, I'll know what to (or not to) do. Thanks, you maybe saved me a lot of time.

 
At 11 February, 2009, OpenID kcinnova said...

Why do we need rules for boogers?

Yeah, I'm too wordy. Comment me nice stuff anyway.

Wait, did someone say BEER?!?!

 
At 12 February, 2009, Blogger the planet of janet said...

excelent advise.

 
At 12 February, 2009, Blogger Rehctaw said...

16. Don't leave a comment pointing out the misused, abused word in Rule #5.

You must cite the site you stole from and do so in plain sight.

Sheesh.

 

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