Friday, July 24, 2009

The Most Bizarre Shopping Trip Ever

I heard a report that said Wednesday was the best day to go grocery shopping.

Apparently, everyone else in my town heard that report too.

After two hours of playing bumper buggies with the masses, I managed to snag a checkout line that only had one person in it! It wasn't until I had half my items on the conveyor belt that I realized the old man in front of me was haggling with the cashier over the price of some pants. I waited patiently while he continued to block the aisle with his motorized boat chair. It was a voice from behind that eventually broke me from my daydream.

"Why isn't she moving?!"

I glanced back to see two old women. Well, to be honest, it was more like an old woman and an ancient woman. I leaned to the side so they could see what was happening in front of me.

"She sure is buying a lot of stuff!"

I glanced back again. Oddly, they had about the same amount of groceries as I did. As if me having more would have justified their comment anyway. I looked up and realized the ancient woman was openly glaring at me! Her companion then started to drum her fingers on the cart. Fortunately, the old man was done checking out at this point. I made quick work of loading the rest of my items on the conveyor belt and ran my card through before the cashier could even finish.

As I grabbed my cart to leave, I heard a sound that made me turn back around. The old woman behind me was clapping! I looked at the cashier, who was equally as stunned. This only made the old woman clap louder. Her ancient friend smiled at me smugly. I opened my mouth to say something. But what? What do you say to that? So instead I just shook my head and left.

I don't think I'm going grocery shopping on Wednesday anymore.



At 24 July, 2009, Blogger Pamer said...


Sale on Alzheimer's in Aisle 3

I always go on Tuesday's usually dead

At 24 July, 2009, Blogger Prohomemaker.Com said...

Geez louise, what a bitch!

At 24 July, 2009, Blogger Jay said...

I would have moved so slow if they had been behind me. I would have pretended to not remember my PIN number also. I would have had them steaming mad at me. Just for the fun of it. ;-)

At 24 July, 2009, Anonymous Daisy said...

Obviously, that's the day that those busses from the old folk's home shuttle the infirm crazies to pick up their Froot-Loops and cottage cheese.

At 24 July, 2009, Blogger Chris said...

Ah, yes, Wednesday is old folks day at our grocery stores, too. Gah.

I would've said something. You have more restraint than do I!

At 24 July, 2009, Blogger Shania said...

Hey, you got applauded for your stunning display of shopping prowess! Should've done a backflip off the conveyor for your exit. ;)

At 24 July, 2009, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think what you do is jump up on the register and announce that you have awarded the "bitch" prize to the ladies behind you in line.


Say outloud, "The Vagisil and Preperation H are on aisle 3. You had asked about it earlier. Sorry I forgot to remind you."

At 25 July, 2009, Blogger Reb said...

You showed admirable restraint Tink. I would have turned to them, bowed and probably said something like "it is amazing how quickly the line moved once the senior in front of me was done futzing! Now, don't you ladies hold up the next people."

At 25 July, 2009, Anonymous b said...

I hate crap like that. Now to me, shopping at any time there's likely to be congestion is something to avoid. Clueless asshats standing in the middle of an aisle staring vacuously as I repeat "excuse me" for the third time.Unattended kids splayed out on the floor screaming for whatever the cartoon network has brainwashed them into thinking is necessary for their very existence to continue. etc.. etc Around Christmas I was in Target picking up a last minute gift and some woman decided to leave her cart blocking the way and just gave me a cursory glance as I came up and patiently waited for her to at least make an attempt at courtesy and let me past..30 second pass.. I reach over, lift up her cart into the air, place it 3 feet over and move on down past her..she gives me this flabbergasted look as if I had committed some horrific transgression upon her dignity. "I would have moved it" . "When"? Fucking tomorrow? People suck. The majority of the population were just not raised right. For this reason, when I have to shop for groceries, I go at 5 am. No one's there. The cashiers are actually courteous and I blast through it in a fraction of the time. Sorry for the long comment but you hit right on something that pisses me off.Garbage who never learned the rule. Treat others civilly and as you'd like to be treated. End rant.

At 25 July, 2009, Blogger The Beer Geek said...

sigh... It just goes to show ya.

People Suck! :)

At 25 July, 2009, Anonymous apathy lounge said...

Precisely my gripe about CERTAIN folk who think that advanced age provides them with a license to be rude. Of course, I vigorously disagree.

At 25 July, 2009, Blogger Gary's third pottery blog said...

as the expression goes, some people are not older and wiser, they're just OLDER

At 25 July, 2009, Blogger fiwa said...

What the f***? What gives anyone the right to bitch and complain about how much you are buying? Unless you are in the 15 items or less line ya got no right. You are a better woman than I am Tink, I think I woulda had to say something. And, uh, I'm gonna make a guess. I'm gonna guess that you were in Wal-Mart? Cuz that sounds like just the kind of crap that goes on in mine. I hate shopping there, but it's just so cheap!

I hope the good mood fairy sprinkles a little dust on those old bitches.

Love you!

At 25 July, 2009, Anonymous Stories Aside said...

People are assholes sometimes. Sheesh.

At 26 July, 2009, Blogger mrspao said...

Come shopping here instead. We have a lovely American woman at the checkout who always tells us to have a nice day and has promised us pumpkin pie.

At 26 July, 2009, Blogger said...

Wow! Usually the older people are nicer not uglier. And at some point they pick up a little patience along the way.
Hind sight is 20/20 but too bad you didn't sweep out your arm and bow grandly, then wave regally and smile at them while exiting.

At 27 July, 2009, Blogger mamatulip said...

I went grocery shopping once and I was standing behind this old lady who was trying to pay...we were bunched up pretty tight in the aisle, the person behind me was right on my ass with her cart. So I was kind of wedged beside this old woman, fumbling through her change purse, and it was kind of awkward, you know?

And then she farted. Really loudly. And like, on ME.

I burst out laughing, I mean...I couldn't help it. And I was like, IT WASN'T ME! I got the stink eye from a lot of people that day...apparently old ladies don't fart.

At 27 July, 2009, Anonymous Mike said...

You should have held your nose and said "what stinks? OH. It's you guys. Hey, you should check your mom's depends. Seriously, how can you go out in public with poop in your pants? Gross!"

At 27 July, 2009, Blogger Terri said...

the nerve of those biddies!! You should have pointed out the old man in front of you since, clearly, their eyes are so bad. Unbelievable. Usually it's the young that are rude and impatient. I would expect more from ancient people.

At 27 July, 2009, Blogger Candy said...

Maybe they were just impressed by your charming self and were applauding that.

At 27 July, 2009, Blogger toyfoto said...

I hate the grocery store. Groceries that sell pants most of all. My guess is those "ladies" were rude all of their lives, they just now can't hear how loud they've become.


At 27 July, 2009, Blogger the planet of janet said...

*obviously* she wanted to give you a hand!


and lolol @ word verification: stuckdom

At 27 July, 2009, Blogger LL said...

How dare you move so slowly... you do realize they don't have a whole lot of time left here... right? :P

At 28 July, 2009, Blogger Gramps said...

You know the best day for shopping? NEVER!

Too bad murder isn't legal, eh?

At 28 July, 2009, Blogger Aunt Jackie said...

I hate shopping and store PERIOD! lol I'm much like a guy in that regard.

This was a good tuesday lol :)

I came by to check for your WWC but you are AWOL. :O

Mine are up... I'll check back on ya.

At 28 July, 2009, Blogger Aunt Jackie said...

And I think I would've had to say something... i'm just mean though and evil... I would say, "Sorry Granny-panties but your boyfriend Methusala had the register locked down, sorry to delay your transaction. I'm sure the cashier is anxious to get started counting all of your loose change."


At 29 July, 2009, Blogger Hilary said...

It was unusual for sure and prickly but I would have had to simply ask "why?" I would have liked to know their response.

At 30 July, 2009, Blogger Kelly said...

You should have hit her where it hurts. In the vajayjay:

"Someone could clearly use some Replens..."

Also, grocery shopping brings one face to face with the worst humanity has to offer.

Bravo for not chucking a can of corn at her head.

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