Thursday, November 29, 2007

Outbreak 2

What the hell is wrong with you people? Quit tagging me!

Forewarning, this sequel is probably going to suck like "Jaws 2".

But I'm doing it for the *delectable and savory
G-Man. Even though this meme requires not four but SEVEN random facts. Oy vey. Maybe I'll make it a holiday edition. After that I'm disinfecting the blog. So please, do not pass your infectious memes this way. I will bust out the sporks. I haven't had a spork-slaying this year, but it's not too late to start.

1. Provide a link to the person who tagged you, and spell out the rules of the meme on your blog. DONE
2. Share 7 (seven) random and/or weird facts about yourself. How bout six and a half?
3. Tag 7 (seven) random bloggers with this meme and post links to their blogs at the end of this post. I like how they spell out the number just in case you're too stupid to understand.
4. Let those who have been tagged know so by leaving a comment on their blog, and telling them where to find information regarding the meme they are now obliged to do. Ha ha. I'm not going to do it just to spite you, evil meme!

Vun. The year before I met Hoop, I dated a guy who was nicknamed Korndog. Yes, with a "K". God, that man was stupid. It was right around Christmas time when I realized I didn't want to continue seeing him. He was controlling and had a bad habit of resorting to childish behavior each time things didn't go his way. Like turning on the washing machine, the sprinkler, and the dish washer while I was taking a shower just to be nasty. So I ended the relationship with Korndog... So I thought. He had other ideas. For two weeks he badgered me with phone calls and texts. Finally, as a last resort, I agreed to have dinner with him so we could "discuss" things. I offered to pick him up. Only instead of driving to a restaurant, I took him to Target instead. "I just need to exchange a few things," I told him. I loaded him up with bags and we went into the store. You should have seen the look on his face when I opened the bags to reveal all the Christmas presents I had bought him! He asked to be taken home after that. How's that for closure?

Two. I could do without the presents, the fancy dinner, and the lights outside. But Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas without a tree. Even when I was living alone, I made the journey to the tree lot almost every year. I couldn't afford much more than a Charlie Brown variety, but having a tree always put me in the spirit just the same. Last year, Hoop and I didn't have a tree because we didn't have a house. So I'm really looking forward to decorating one this year!

Tree. The worst present I've ever received was a set of chipped angel head butter spreaders. The second worst was a necklace made out of rusty bits of metal. Both were given to me by my maternal Grandfather's wife. I think she secretly hates me.

Vore. The best way to NOT get something from me for Christmas is to tell me that you want it. I pride myself on getting people presents that they don't expect and always love. So it's always a huge disappointment when I find out the person either didn't like the gift or hasn't used it since. Last year I bought Hoop a
Camelbak, a Chipper Jones collectors picture, and a bunch of other crap he's never used. So this year I'm focusing all my gift-giving energy on him. If that doesn't work, I think my new tradition will be to get him drunk on Christmas morning.

Vive. One of my favorite Christmas memories was from 2003. I was working retail with a single Mother of four and a bachelor with three girlfriends. None of the girlfriends knew about each other. So it was always a little risky when one showed up while he was working. The bachelor would post me as look-out at the front of the store while he spent time with the girlfriend in the back. On the occasion that one of the other girlfriends showed up, my job was to tell them that the bachelor was on lunch and out of the store. Then I would go to the back for "restock items". In reality, I was going to the back to tell the bachelor that the corporate office had called and that our DM was on her way for a visit. So then the bachelor would usher the girlfriend out the back so she didn't bump into the other girlfriend at the front. As you've probably guessed, this was a recipe for disaster. On the Christmas of 2003, all three girlfriends found out about each other by all coming to the store at the exact same time...

Sex. ...Needless to say, the bachelor didn't have any girlfriends by Christmas. So instead, he pooled the money he would have spent on gifts into a fund I had created for the single Mom. We both met after work one day, bought presents, wrapped them, and dropped them off at the back door of our store. She never found out who did it, although I'm sure she suspected. Since then, it has always been a goal of mine to find another single Mom at Christmas. Two years ago, Hoop and I made due with a Mom whose husband was overseas. It's a great tradition. One I wish more people would catch onto. *HINT*

Savan. Sex un a have. Whenever I sit on Santa's knee, it makes me really, really h-

Well, that's all folks. I hope you enjoyed the show. Hopefully tomorrows post will be meme free.

*Please see post
1.

Labels:

30 Comments:

At 29 November, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

So, um, maybe you should get Hoop a Santa's outfit for Christmas. Just tell him to put it on and he'll find out why you got it for him.

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Silly man. Sitting on Santa's lap makes me really, really HAPPY. Duh. ;)

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger Edge said...

When I sit on Santa's lap I tinkle like a cocker spaniel.

~Jef

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger furiousBall said...

really, wow a guy named Korndog was a toy short of a happy meal? who woulda thunk it?

you know there's an easter egg on flickr that if you leave a comment note on an image with the words "hohoho" it puts a santa hat on them, just sayin

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger mamatulip said...

Oooh, so much to comment on!

I love what you did to Korndog. What the hell kind of nickname is that, by the way?!

I love decorating for Christmas -- my mom collected a variety of decorations and decorating the house was my favourite thing to do in anticipation of the holiday when I was younger. Now that she's gone, having her decorations out makes me feel closer to her. Last year, because Oliver was so curious and into everything, I didn't decorate at all and we had a giant baby gate protecting our tree. But this year...yesterday I got all of my decorations out and spent the afternoon decorating them. When I woke Oliver up from his nap, he came downstairs and walked around the house pointing out each decoration. It was so sweet. (And Julia didn't even NOTICE when she got home from school -- Oliver pointed them all out to her, LOL!)

A necklace made out of rusty bits of metal? From your grandfather's wife? What's up with DAT?

I love your single mom tradition. That's really awesome. Your bachelor story reminds me of one of my good friends and old roommates, who unfortunately passed away in '06. She was a bit of a serial dater and at one point, when we lived together, she was dating three guys. None of them knew about the other and me and my other roommates always tried to keep on top of things, so as to not give away her secret to any of the other guys. But one afternoon, after a lengthy session with a well-known leafy green substance, the phone rang. It was one of my roommate's conquests, and she was upstairs with ANOTHER one of her conquests. I thought the caller was someone else entirely and made the mistake of laughing really heartily and saying something like, "I'm not going upstairs to her room right now, she's up there with JIMMY and I can hear the bed squeaking!"

OOPS.

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger Scarlet W. Blue said...

Tink, all the Santas I see look like escaped convicts in disguise. The babies know this, which is why they're always crying when Santa is around.

You are so funny.

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger Alli said...

OH NO! It is contagious. Well, chica, I got my payback as I got tagged again, too...but haven't done my homework yet. That's 3 for me this year & I have only been blogging for a year. I won't be sending out anymore...this year anyway. I swears. ;)

Korndog? Damn, I thought my ex's nickname JimBo was bad (I called him Bo). LOL. Isn't it nice to finally have found the right one & with cute nicknames?

Love the giving gifts to single mom's idea. Very charitable of you! Good job!

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger mrspao said...

I love the idea of giving presents to a single mum. It has given me a fantastic idea - thanks :)

I am so looking forward to getting a Christmas tree this year because when we first stepped through the front door of our house, I thought : "I'd really like a Christmas tree in this hallway"

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

Another good one is to talk to the local Ronald McDonald house. We have adopted families in the past and gotten them the things on their wish lists. It's fun because you end up getting gifts for an entire family - you ARE santa for them. It's awesome.

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

Hmm, I'm thinking if you dress up as an elf and get Hoop a Santa costume for Christmas... ;)

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger fiwa said...

Aw Tink, I love reading your memes. ;)
And I love sex - that's a really good idea. I'm going to do the toys for tots thing through work.

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

I knew you had such a kind heart, Tink! I am sure that mother appreciated the gifts more than she could describe. That is how I felt when those kids decorated my house for me. I was overwhelmed! :_

You so deserve to be happy, my friend!

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger Jess Riley said...

Tink, you are AMAZING. I loved the bachelor / single mom story!!!!

And also the Korndog story. And the one about the angel head spreaders. Are they creepy looking?

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger R.E.H. said...

I could use a corndog right now... you know - the traditional one on a stick, with a C.

Shouldn't you have guessed just by the guys name that it wouldn't be a good thing? Sure love how you let him go though.

The 3 girlfriends guy story was funny too... even though I've been on the other end of that once. I was with a girl and found out she had 3 boyfriends... and I was ranked 3rd among them!!!

And, hey! That Chipper Jones collectors pic... if he doesn't want it - send it my way! Please ;) Chipper rocks!

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger R.E.H. said...

Oh, one more thing...

I like how they spell out the number just in case you're too stupid to understand.

Blame me! ;) I re-wrote the rules when I got tagged the other day. That's just my sense of humor ;)

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger Jen said...

Tink, as much as you hate 'em, I still love your "meme's"!

 
At 29 November, 2007, Anonymous gawilli said...

I never was much good at closure, and hopefully at this ripe old age I won't have to be again, but if I did I would surely use your method. How simple yet effective.

Our office has chosen to help the family of the little boy featured in my sidebar, Drew. It is wonderful to see the donations roll in and we are very anxious to fill some Christmas stockings in their home this year. Although it is not entirely anonymous, I'm pretty happy about it.

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger captain corky said...

Didn't Korndog start dating Britney after you dumped him?

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger g-man said...

Thank you for indulging me. Too funny, I did enjoy the theme. Our church picks a family every year and we do the same thing.

Korndog?!?

P.s. I think you are pretty sweet with a smooth finish and a good nose.

 
At 29 November, 2007, Blogger butterfly girl said...

I have the same present problem! I'm always trying to knock their socks off! Blindside'em with the best present ever!

Couldn't you put beer in the Camelbak? Or maybe just straight vodka or something.

You sounded a little cranky at the start of the post. I guess since I've been tagged I shouldn't tag you. Huh?

 
At 30 November, 2007, Blogger ALLISON said...

Shit! I don't know any single moms. Dammit. (sigh) Now you've made me feel all guilty and shit. Ho. Ho. Ho. (grumble grumble)

(I'm totally kidding! LOL! I'll find SOMEONE, I'm sure.)

 
At 30 November, 2007, Blogger janet said...

i love your single mom plan. goes along with my thanksgiving food delivery. hmmm. that gives me an idea......

 
At 30 November, 2007, Anonymous wordgirl said...

I used to really dig the meme thing. Now? It just bugs me when I get tagged.

http://wordgirl5.typepad.com/half_of_the_sky

 
At 30 November, 2007, Blogger Ben O. said...

Beyond interesting.

Thanks - Ben O.

 
At 30 November, 2007, Blogger Brody said...

Korndog! That's awesome.

 
At 30 November, 2007, Blogger amusing said...

Okay, as a single mom (that is NOT a hint, people) I am dating -- so I have a question. One is always advised to "date" -- as in check out what's available, see a bunch of guys, have dates (not that I have ever seen a way that's actually possible becuase it's tough enough to get ONE date, let alone a full dance card). But surely we are not counting "dating" (as in, have dinner and a chat) as having "boyfriends." So then the question becomes -- when does a date person become a boyfriend? Is it when you have sex? (Cuz I find that guys do not generally agree with that definition.) I have even found that a guy actually asking you to be his girlfriend does not mean that you have now entered a monogamous relationship (or marriage, for that matter....) Just wondering.

Korndog -- a clever way of being, but not being called "Horndog"?

Is it really a secret that your maternal grandfather's wife hates you? I'd say it seems pretty out in the open....

Ah, the tree. Can't get mine until I have the kids home again. They insist on coming to help pick it out (and, really, isn't that one of the most fun parts? "No, that one has a hole in the side." "No, that one has a crooked top; the star will tilt." and so on....)

 
At 30 November, 2007, Blogger Real Live Lesbian said...

Can I sit on Santa's OTHER knee?

 
At 30 November, 2007, Anonymous susan said...

Look at you, corrupting the world to go out and do good! Watch out all you single moms, everyone is going to be fighting over you.

 
At 30 November, 2007, Blogger meno said...

Korndog? KORNDOG?

I...i'm so embarrassed for him. Thank god you dumped that weirdo.

 
At 03 December, 2007, Blogger Katie said...

I LOVE giving annonymous gifts. A few years ago our friends were in grad school and living in a crappy basement apartment with their first baby on the way. We left them a wad of cash in an envelope (in a safe place of course). It's nice to have something and be able to help someone who doesn't.

 

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