I woke up this morning in a funk. Hoop was still sleeping when I stumbled out of the shower to look for clothes. After wading through piles of dirty ones, I finally found the unfolded stack Hoop had washed the night before. I had been slaving away over the stove at the time, too busy to supervise. Had I known he was only going to wash the clothes I'd already worn for the week, I might have been able to salvage my morning. But I hadn't, and here I was, faced with a dilemma. Do I wear the outfit I wore on Monday or mix-and-match and hope no one notices?
"FUCK!" I yelled, kicking at the nearest pile of dirty clothes. For a moment my inner kid popped through and shouted, "Wheeeeee!" So I kicked another... and another. Then I upended the large basket of unfolded clean clothes. Then I kicked the dryer for good measure. I was just starting to feel better when Hoop ran out of the bedroom, rubbing his eyes. "Whasgoinon?" "I want a part time job," I told him. "Oh-Kay," He mumbled. "I'm serious. I can't keep up with all this shit AND a full time job AND plan a wedding AND cook dinner every night."
Hoop opened his eyes a little wider. "So you want to be a part time house wife?" "Yes!" Then I thought, "Oh my God. Did I really just say that? I DID! Holy shit, I meant it. That's it, I'm brainwashed. Those fuckers at the life improvement center really did it. They turned me into Suzy Homemaker. Now I'm going to start talking like I belong in Stepford. I might as well go buy an entire set of aprons with Monday through Friday stitched on them." "It'll be OK, baby." Hoop rubbed my arm lovingly. "You keep getting ready and I'll go find you an outfit to wear." So it's true... They got Hoop too.
Dun, dun, duuuuuuun.
P.S. Sorry I haven't been around to everyone's blog to comment this week. Things have been crazy around here. I'll be sure to stop by soon! For those of you waiting on your contest winnings, I'm running a little behind. Are you seriously surprised? But the good thing (for you) is, I keeping adding more stuff to it the longer I wait to go the post office. They'll be shipped in the next couple of days. Much love, Homebloys.