Thursday, September 11, 2008

My Own Cult

I've been busy. So, I hadn't really gotten the chance to check out Blogger's new "Follower" feature until today. So far, I have seven followers. SEVEN. Whoo! I'm thinking five more and I can consider myself a cult. But don't worry, no free Kool-aid here. No way, baby. You want Kool-aid, you're going to have to PAY for it. On a side note, does anyone else think it's kind of crazy that people in the 30's actually took to something that implied they needed an aid to be cool? Of course, it was during the Great Depression. I'm sure morale was pretty low.

Since we're not going to be having Kool-aid, and I'm not creative enough to design my own supreme being, I'm thinking my cult should revolve around
Spore. Spore is my new obsession and cults are all about obsessions, aren't they? I created my own world last night (Tinktopia) and started my own colony of single cell organisms (Widgets). They ate other organisms and eventually (45 minutes later) they had evolved to be land dwellers. Holy crap, I think that makes ME a supreme being! I wonder if I could add the Widgets to my list of followers. Their brains are only the size of lint balls though.

Maybe my cult could be about
this guy. His site, The Best Page In The Universe, kept me entertained for hours yesterday while I was supposed to be working. He's even got his own Wikipedia page. That's like having King status in the land of nerd. My favorite line on his Wiki page is, "Maddox decided to name his site 'The Best Page in the Universe' despite his knowledge that Yahoo! blocked sites with the phrase 'the best' in the title from inclusion in its search engine". For real? We need to test this out... OK, I just did. It's bullshit.

So tell me, if you had a cult, what would you worship? I need ideas so I can steal them. Would it be your favorite TV show? How about your favorite band? Maybe you would base your cult around belly lint and then create a tapestry out of all the different colors you collect! Hey, it could be kind of cool. Gross, but cool. Hey, maybe I should Google that... Holy cow! I just found a forum where a dude claimed he would pay $40 a pound for Vegan belly lint. Don't believe me? Go
here. Or, you could just read his post below.

"THERE IS A PRIZE OF 1,000 ZIASTERS FOR THE MOST CREATIVE OBJECT OR IMAGE CREATED WITH BELLY BUTTON LINT. I AM TRYING TO COLLECT IT FOR MY PROJECT. (SECRET) AND AM WILLING TO PAY $40 A POUND FOR VEGAN LINT. I DON'T WANT ANY ANIMAL FLESH INVOLVED IN ANY WAY. I AM USING THE AZTEC AND MAYAN RECIPE FOR BELLY BUTTON LINT AND I STAND A REAL GREAT CHANCE. I ONLY NEED 2 MORE POUNDS. DON'T SEND ANYTHING MOLDY OR RANCID. I ONLY WANT THE 'BEST'."

Daily Etsy Pick:
Sleep Mask by Lovelyart
Puppy With Handlebar Mustache Cards
Golden Rain Tree Seed Tin

WTF Etsy?:
Warning: Evil Baby
Taxidermy Squirrel Foot Hair Barrette
Urine Sample Candle

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26 Comments:

At 11 September, 2008, Blogger Knight said...

I'm getting the urine sample candle for my nurse and the sleep mask for me. I don't know what in the hell you do with a squirrel foot.

I would like to start a cult. People have to believe something is spiritually connected so try finding a famous harpist to follow or that tea drink you love with the balls in it. That is heavenly, right?

 
At 11 September, 2008, Blogger Michael Knight Rambo said...

I always wanted to be a cult leader. I like the idea of sitting around drinking and sleeping with my hot followers while they make me money and do my laundry and stuff.
Plus you can make them do silly shit like chanting and whatnot.
I tried to start one at work a few years ago but I'm just too lazy and have no follow through. Sigh.
Good Luck!

 
At 11 September, 2008, Blogger mamatulip said...

Tell me about the follow feature. Is it like Twitter? I'm not on Blogger so I have no idea what you're talking about.

I'd worship coffee and chocolate. And television. Oh, wait. I do already.

 
At 11 September, 2008, Anonymous apathy lounge said...

Books, The Office, reruns of The Gilmore Girls. Toast with butter. Chocolate milk. Mexican beer.

 
At 11 September, 2008, Blogger Knight said...

Michael Knight Rambo, that isn't a cult leader, that is a pimp!

 
At 11 September, 2008, Blogger LL said...

" DON'T SEND ANYTHING MOLDY OR RANCID. I ONLY WANT THE 'BEST"

Well... yeah. Like that's something that you even need to put in a want ad for belly button lint.

As for the cult following... well... :innocent:

 
At 11 September, 2008, Blogger Chris said...

Y'know, I think you can create your own Wikipedia page - you and Hoop should go for it!

 
At 11 September, 2008, Blogger Janet said...

wow, there are some seriously strange people out there! Love the puppy with the handlebar 'stache!

 
At 11 September, 2008, Blogger rudecactus said...

Spore. I have heard of Spore but I am afraid of Spore. Afraid of becoming hopelessly addicted.

 
At 11 September, 2008, Blogger Dianne said...

watch out for synthetic belly lint

and rumor has it there is some really f'd up lint being passed around, it will mess with your head big time.

I would worship pasta. Each shape and size would be its own sector.

 
At 11 September, 2008, Blogger CRUSTYBEEF said...

I'd worship corn and beef.

The guy sounds cool--although I can't provide him with any lint--I ate it--and once upon a time that was true--for a bet I ate a shlew of refridge lint--not belly lint.
crusty, yes.

I'm going to go follow you-don't feel bad, I have one follower. :)

Crusty~

 
At 11 September, 2008, Blogger Lisa said...

belly button lint? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger Jay said...

I may join Apathy Lounge's cult. She's got some cool stuff there.

Why do I think that Apathy Lounge Cult is a really funny name?

My cult would be all about tequila and strippers. Two of the greatest thing ever. ;-)

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger Eileen said...

I love the idea of 'best quality belly button lint'...

I don't want a cult; I hate being told what to do, and hate telling other people what to do (except when I want to).

So I think I'd base my cult on Bafflement. Which leaves plenty of scope for the imagination. I think I will go start now, by offering The Cat some Koolaid...

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger Allison said...

I'd start a hot bologna cult. Yes, it exists (hot bologna I mean... I don't know if there's currently a cult for it). It's good shit. When you come to next year's pig roast (notice I didn't say IF you come...), I'll have a big, 1-gallon jar of the shit. Best. Shit. Ever. I guarantee you Hoop will love it. For real.

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger flutter said...

Oh my hell, that taxidermy hair thing? *shiver*

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger Knot said...

If I started a cult it would eventually take over the world. It's my civic responsibility to not start one. Too many women would leave their husbands.

Knot

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger Fortune Cookies said...

Wifester wants to start a cult! She's convinced we'll become disgustingly rich beyond measure that way. I think it could be fun...I'm not much for taking orders though, so I'm not sure I wouldn't get shunned, even from my own cult. Oh, and you've got me beat, I have a whopping three followers! Hey, where's your follow button? I'll follow you!

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger gary rith said...

maybe Koolaid and vodka?

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger Alli said...

I would totally join your cult. totally. as long as you don't make me wear squirrel feet in my hair.

By the way, I decided you look like a yound Diane Lane. Have you been told that a million times?

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger Knight said...

Okay, I have it all figured out. What you need to do is convince your followers that Twisted Tink is actually the story of creation and make it the new bible like the scientologists did with the sci-fi book. If they believe you hold the keys to their happiness and afterlife they will start giving you money so you will help them. Just imagine, you could have a huge group of people that follow you around dressed as fairies and believing you have magical powers.

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger Christy said...

I got news for your hun, you have WAY more than seven followers! I wish I could use that feature, but using Blogger in the advanced mode means no widgets and no followers. =o(

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger OneDaisy said...

I am currently worshiping batteries. They seem to be a girls best friend. I could be the Duracell Queen and wear a head garment made of copper. (of course I would be wearing fabulous shoes too)

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger Carrie said...

There goes Allison - trying to educate more innocent people on the wonders of hot bologna. sigh. LOL!

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger Real Live Lesbian said...

Damnation you cracked me up today! Thanks for the laughs!

 
At 12 September, 2008, Blogger Jen said...

I worship cupcakes, vodka, wine and stilettos.

Need I say more?

 

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