Thursday, October 09, 2008

5 Signs That We're In A Recession

(And it's all true!)

5. A new Salvation Army thrift store opened up down the street from our house last week. There were so many cars there, I thought the circus was in town.

4. Each morning, CNN.com's front page features a different guy on Wall Street holding his head in horror. I've started taking bets on where the next guy's hand placement will be. "Will it be on his forehead or his mouth? Oh! It was his cheek! Better luck next time." Can you imagine if that was your claim to fame? "Yeah, I was Tuesday's guy. My hand? It was on my chin. Why?"

3. Our neighbors have been holding a garage sale for over a month now. At what point does it qualify as a garage store? If you're asleep for a week, they don't call it a really long slumber. No, they call it a COMA.

2. One of our wedding guests ordered an extra meal so he'd have something to eat later.

1. The value of houses in Florida has dropped so much, Hoop and I may OWE the bank by the time we sell. On the other hand, the value of *porn has gone way up. So, we might be saved.

*Have I mentioned that Hoop collects Playboy cards? Apparently, when people believe the world is ending, they hoard the things they're going to miss the most. For some people it's cheese in a can. For others, it's girls with hand-bras.

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26 Comments:

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Knight said...

Wait, a guest to your wedding wants two meals? What the? Can you do that? If so, I missed out on a lot of free meals. Maybe he intends to dance so much he will need to energy boost.
If my choices are cheese in a can or porn to take my mind off the end of the world, I pick porn.

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger furiousBall said...

Hoop kicks ass yet again, those Playboy cards will become the currency of the new world order

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Mary said...

Dude if I can order 2 meals I'm changing my RSVP.......

did you check out that site?? funny business.

pa.lindro.me

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Gordo said...

#2 makes me sad.

Don't knock the porn. Remember how people talked about buying Microsoft at $10? That will be Hoop in the new economy.

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Mike said...

To Knights comment above:

With some creativity cheese in a can will BECOME porn!

Well, maybe porn's little helper.

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Peggy said...

Does this wedding guest want you guys to pay for the extra meal?

As far as the value of your house goes, negative equity is a reality for a lot of people. Just be patient, keep treating for termites, paying the mortgage and mowing the lawn. At some point the house values will start to creep back up. It may take a couple of years so be nice to your neighbours. You may be living next to them for some time.

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Maggie said...

A new Salvation Army! Out of my way...

I wonder how many people might try to crash your wedding for free food. That's a yucky thought. Moving on.

I thought Hoop was collecting Garbage Pail Kids. Which, you couldn't call porn, but there might be some canned cheese in there somewhere!

 
At 09 October, 2008, OpenID kcinnova said...

We bought our house in June of 2007 -- we've now lost about $70K on the house, and at least 1/3 of my IRA. But I'm grateful to have a roof over my head and any IRA at all! Our cars aren't new, but we paid for them at purchase.
I won't be mentioning Hoop's investment to my dh.

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Mike said...

Oh, also, I've had my house for three years and it's gone up in value by 12K as of a few weeks ago.

Keep your recessions down there, k?

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Chris said...

On the plus side, I saw gas for $2.89/gallon earlier...

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger mrspao said...

I think we're in the same position as you. I try not to think about how much our house is not worth now...

 
At 09 October, 2008, Anonymous emily said...

I've noticed the daily distraught traders on CNN too! This afternoon it's blue jacket on forehead.

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

What an excellent list. I was expecting depressing (with "Recession" in the title, can you blame me for going there?), and then you made me laugh.

;-)

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Jay said...

How is it possible that I didn't know about Playboy Cards? Do I really live that far from civilization? Do I really live in my own tiny little world so much of the time that Playboy Cards have passed me by? I'm down right embarrassed.

The DOW went below 9,000 today. I'm hoping it goes to 6,000.

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Tink said...

Knight: It's weird what people will try to get away with. I have another guest, a coworker/acquaintance, who wrote in his 15 year old Stepson without consulting me first. I almost didn't invite these people, now they're inviting their own people? I mean, can't the 15 year old watch himself for a few hours on an afternoon?

Furiousball + Gordo: I actually hope you're right. Then we'll be filthy rich. Emphasis on the "filthy". Hehe.

Mary: Oh nos! We crashed it.

Mike: Ewww. I'd rather have whip cream!

Peggy: I hear ya. That's probably the best advice we can follow. Patience, in this case especially, is a definite virtue. :)

Maggie: Yeah, he stopped collecting those once he got them ALL.

Kcinnova + Mrs.Pao: Maybe we should all start playing the lotto. I'll keep you guys in mind if you do the same. ;)

Chris: Well there's a silver lining!

Emily: See! Thank God I'm not alone. Lol. That just made my day.

Cheri: Bah. Life is depressing enough. I try to keep those thoughts to myself when I can. :)

Jay: Not only do they have Playboy cards, but they have all different kinds and sets. There are some with models from different eras, and pink foils, and signature cards, and some with pieces of panty in them. I am not even kidding. They're kind of cool.

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger LL said...

So to get even, do you want nekkid pictures of us blogging guys Tink? Cause...

Put me down for a couple of meals too while you're at it. What exactly are we having?

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger meno said...

I'll take two chicken meals and one beef please. To go.

Maybe you could just serve the food in a foam clamshell to make it easier for him.

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

(pardon me here, as he holds his head in hands)
FU#KING SH!T. Thanks W, for the good bye gift.....

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger fiwa said...

And sales of junk food are up.

#5 is a good thing though - it promotes recycling!

#2... is it a bachelor? Good lord.

 
At 09 October, 2008, Anonymous SgtTwstd said...

I'm going to go home, and check out which Playboy cards are worth the most now... LOL
If I win the lottery Hoop gets the most expensive one! LOL

 
At 09 October, 2008, Anonymous Johnny Smoke said...

New SA's are sweet. They're clean, they hire good staff and they have the best (aka..sweetest) stuff other people want to get rid of.

As for CNN, all I can say is we're all hosed and the sooner we get past feeling sorry for ourselves and start busting our govt's balls, the more we're going to feel in control. I've been in the financial industry for +20 years and if any of you think the govt and this industry is going to do "the right thing" you're exactly what PT Barnum says you are. Wall Street is 1000 times smarter than Congress and this ain't going to be pretty if we assume everything is going to be alright. I know we're busy and I know we're tired, but that's what Wall Street is counting on. Forgive and forget and we promise not to do it next time. Wake up America! Take no quarter...

As for the guest that orders two meals, I say confront. If he's arrogant enough to pull this stunt you have nothing to lose if you shut this down. Unless there's money involved, blow him off.

As for your home... ride it out or declare bankruptcy.

Hoop needs to exchange his useless cards for hard currency such as gold, silver or oil futures. Maybe there's someone that needs the cards worse than he does. They're of no value in this economy. Put them on ebay and re-invest the $$ for treasuries. Seriously. This will help diversify your real estate dilemma.

I apologize if I come across as draconian but it's time to wake up. and...you're welcome.

 
At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Johnny Smoke said...

Wow... that Smoke dude is a little heavy.

 
At 10 October, 2008, Blogger mamatulip said...

Dude. I do the same thing with CNN and MSNBC. MSNBC does a slideshow of shots of people from around the world grabbing their faces and pinching their foreheads. More of an international flare they've got going on, yanno?

 
At 10 October, 2008, Blogger cndymkr / jean said...

OK, I think you may have a wedding story winner. Seriously, I've never heard of a guest ordering a second meal for himself. Good one.

 
At 10 October, 2008, Blogger Ginni Dee said...

Pretty sad, huh!

 
At 12 October, 2008, Blogger HalfAsstic.com said...

I will be truly impressed when he has a Playboy card with a chick with a canned cheese bra sprayed on her...

 

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