Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Lumpy Heart

Today is Hoop's and my three year anniversary... was also supposed to be Chris' 25th birthday.

I know it's selfish, but I really wish they didn't fall on the same day.

We used to joke about it, how Hoop was such a "sweet" guy, taking me out as a gift to his brother. Bless Chris' heart, it never seemed to bother him. I sang Happy Birthday to him in the car this morning. I imagined a bunch of angels clutching their ears in pain while I did it. Too bad there aren't any strippers in Heaven. God has probably reformed them all by now, huh? Maybe some cute angel will jump out of his cake instead. Or maybe they're all sick of cake by now, seeing as everything is made from the stuff. Well, it is in MY Heaven. Maybe Chris would rather have an angel jump out of broccoli. That might be kind of difficult though.

I miss Chris. I miss what he was to Hoop too, his best friend. Whenever we got in a fight, it was a comfort to know that Hoop had someone to vent to and that Chris would never say anything negative about me. He was that kind of person. You couldn't know the guy without loving him. There was always a part of me that was a little jealous of Chris too. It was tough living in that kind of shadow. It still is... Hoop went in to work at noon today and he won't be getting home until eight. It's just as well. He didn't feel like celebrating anyway. But I kind of do. Three years is a big deal to me. So I've decided to treat myself to something nice tonight.

Perhaps flowers, or a movie, or a batch of fat-filled cupcakes?

If you had $20 and two hours of alone time, what would you treat yourself to?

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At 08 October, 2008, Blogger Real Live Lesbian said...

Here's to you! Congrats on your three year anniversary! (passing the cupcake of your choice)

And I'm so sorry that it falls on the same day. It's just not fair.

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger Janet said...

I'd totally go see a movie I'd been wanting to see...or I'd grab my camera and go somewhere and lose myself in shooting photos.

Hugs to you and your man, Tink. I hope there is a broccoli cake that Chris is enjoying today :-)

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger Catutes said...

Happy Birthday to Chris and Happy Anniversary to you and Hoop.

Chris, I'm certain, would want you two to celebrate your love for each other. And there is no reason not to celebrate the birth of someone no longer here.
My nephew's birthday was last month and we remembered what a wonderful man he had been.

Celebrating love does not disrepect tragedy.

As to your question, I'd go bead shopping or to the local Barnes & Noble, because with Beads or Books, I can always entertain myself.

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger furiousBall said...

bring all the cable boxes and tvs into one room, pay per view porn insanity

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger CRUSTYBEEF said...

I'd have a lumpy heart too
$20--a rental that'll get your heartache out and on the table by the tears (you'll feel better after), a red velvet cupcake, one bag of microwave popcorn and snowcaps..

Thinking of you!


Happy Anniversary, Lumps and all--it's what defines the two of you, well, not the lumps, but the good stuff and the shitty stuff too!

At 08 October, 2008, Anonymous emily said...

It's a rainy evening here, so I'd say a movie that you know Hoop would not want to see, and food that Hoop would enjoy sharing with you when he gets home from his hard day. Chinese? That's always comforting to me... (the food, not the language)
(and also not their tainted imported goods. just their cooked noodles and such.)

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger Knight said...

Don't worry, I'm sure there are strippers in heaven and Chris is liking the frosting off a stripper wing right now. You should probably do the same. Get yourself a cake. Write happy three years to us on it and maybe let Hoop taste some frosting later ;) Three years IS a big deal.

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger Farmer*swife said...

$20.00? Gosh, it'd take me too long to answer -- or make up my mind! LOL.

How is Chris' son doing? Maybe you could gift us a little update sometime? So hard.

Happy Anniversary though! Three years? Oh, yeah. Y'all are in the for long haul! Countin' down till wedding picture day!

Happy Humpdiggity!

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger Knight said...

licking not liking. but liking the licking i'm sure.

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger Tink said...

Have I told you guys how awesome you are lately?

Chris' son is doing fine, I guess. We don't get to talk to him often enough. Hoop's 60 year old Father has decided to keep custody of him, a decision we're not happy about. Which is why I haven't talked about it much here. It's just another factor in my lumpy heart...

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger Mike said...

I would say get in the truck and drive, but $20.00 only gets you about 30 minutes now a days.

Also, heaven has boobies EVERYWHERE.

Just so you know.

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger Mike said...

Also, in heaven, EVERYONE finds poo humour funny. EVERYONE.

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger Chris said...

Hugs all around.

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger mamatulip said...

My mom's birthday is two days before Christmas and I have wished since she died that it wasn't so close to the's hard enough with her not being there, but adding her birthday to the mix just seems unfair.

I wish this day, as significant as it is, didn't fall on your anniversary, as significant as that is.

Happy Anniversary to you, and Happy Birthday to Chris. Thinking of you guys today.

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger meno said...

It's sweet that he was an advocate for you with Hoop. All couples need advocates.

Happy Anniversary and Happy Birthday Chris.

At 08 October, 2008, Anonymous SgtTwstd said...

Awww Tink!! Why didnt you say anything at lunch!!
I would have at least rtried to have paid for ur lunch! BRAT!
I cant imagine how difficult it must be having this day be such a bittersweet one, sigh... Especially for Hoop... :(..

Hugs to ya both Tink!

Stripper Angels??? lol For some reason my mind goess to Jeff (from Coupling) sitting in heaven saying his most favorite word... Breasts... breasts... breasts... over and over! Hahaha... ;-)

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger flutter said...

aw, Tink. The happy and the sad all rolled into one day. It is quite a balance. ((you))

and the last question? Me, a new book and a giant cup of coffee. ALONE.

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger Michael Knight Rambo said...

My brother would have just celebrated his birthday a few days ago.
Sorry to hear.
But congratulations on three years!
And twenty bucks worth of booze always makes me feel better (except maybe the next day at work).

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger LL said...

20? I'd say... buy a can of frosting and forget the cake!

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger fiwa said...

I love you and your lumpy heart too. Happy Birthday to Chris and Happy Anniversary to you and Hoop.

Thinking about you.

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger Reb said...

Lots of good advice here Tink. It might take a year or two, but you'll be celebrating Chris' birthday together, remembering what a great guy he was and that his life is worth celebrating.
So, Happy Birthday to Chris!

$20.00 bucks doesn't go far, so order in a great meal that you can enjoy with Hoop when he gets home, or watch some movies and relax.
Happy Anniversary to you both.

At 08 October, 2008, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

My heart aches for you and Hoop!

Have a happy anniversary and Happy Birthday to Chris too.

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Jay said...

Cookies. For some reason cookies always make me feel better.

Happy 3rd anniversary. Sorry it comes on Chris' birthday though.

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Mary said...

Well if I'd seen this earlier, I would have voted for a movie. And some cupcakes.

Happy Birthday Chris--I feel honored to be your birthday buddy.

ps. for a smile check out.... No www or .com FUNNY.

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Peggy said...

If there aren't any strippers in heaven, I don't know if I want to go. Seriously, I'd want to go to heaven for the weather and hell for the company. :-)

Happy Anniversary you twose and Happy Birthday Chris (belatedly)

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Fortune Cookies said...

Cheers! Happy Anniversary! It's so sad that it falls on the same day...I'm so sorry for your pain. ((bloggy hugs))

maybe this will cheer you up

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Christy said...

I am also sorry they fall on the same day, but I think heaven is a place in which Chris will be celebrating and therefore you should be too...I know it's easier said than done. Happy Anniversary to you!

At 09 October, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Catutes said exactly what I would say, right down the beads and books.
Thinking of you, and you & Hoop, and Hoop, and Chris.

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger g-man said...

Congrats on 3 years, and I am sure that there is cake in heaven. That does suck, but I have to agree with Reb that over time it will suck less.

Humm $20 and 2 hours? Do you really want to know? ;) Really, I'd get some good coffee, and maybe some maggie moo's then go home and watch a movie or take a nap.

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Maggie said...

a pedicure and some wine.

I realize that eats up more than the $20, but I'd you know, find a way to get that extra dime or two. Heh.

Happy birthday to Chris.

Happy Anniversary to you two.

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Arabella said...

So sorry about the bittersweet day. Happy anniversary, though!

I'd definitely do the fat-filled cupcakes. Yes, more than one.

So funny about the hot dog sign! I hope you liked the site.

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger the planet of janet said...

happy anniversary, hon. i'm sorry it now becomes a bittersweet day.

take that $20 and get a pedicure. there is nothing like getting your feet rubbed to make you feel better.

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

Sad story, Tink! Although congrats on the three.
If I had 20 bucks and two hours? I guess I would get some beers, burritos and a Batman comic and lose myself....

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Tawcan said...

Congrats on the 3 year anniversary but it's too bad that it happens to be Chris' bday. But in a way you'll know his memory will live on.

$20 for 2 hours? Hmmmm sign up for a poker tournament and see if you could win more money?

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Terri said...

how about a cheap pedi (all over up here) or like someone else said a good book and a drink!

Happy anniversary and when you get your NEW anniversary you can totally dedicate this day to Chris in the future and do something he would have loved.

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Karen said...

Happy Anniversary. And I am going to drink one to Chris tonight.

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger mrspao said...

Hug xx I can understand how you feel.

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

I came from Gary's Potter Blog.

Happy Anniversary to you.

Happy Birthday to Chris. I, for one, believe there are strippers in Heaven.

Peace to you.

At 09 October, 2008, Blogger coffespaz said...

*Raising my cuppa* Happy Anniversary to you and Hoop....Happy Birthday to Chris!

I know its tough, but isn't it wonderful that you will always remember him as the reason you got together. Isn't it wonderful that you both had the gift of knowing such a tremendous, true person.


At 09 October, 2008, Blogger Gramps said...

I'm with Peggy. If there are no strippers in heaven, I want to go to that other place. What's it called? Toledo?

At 11 October, 2008, Blogger jeanne_bean said...

Aw, hope you had a happy anniversary. I'd have celebrated with lots of gooey warm chocolate things like freshly baked brownies... *drool*

Happy birthday to Chris as well. They say the first birthday and holidays are the hardest. One day you'll be able to celebrate both occasions without so much pain.

Chris probably did have a stripper pop out of a broccoli cake... This is making me think of a facet of my heaven I've never considered...

At 12 October, 2008, Blogger Hilary said...

You are the treat. You with your open heart and thoughtful words. Reb is quite right. The first few milestones are the toughest. The joy for that day will return and you won't feel like you're shortchanging Chris by celebrating your own lives together. Sending hugs your way.

At 13 October, 2008, Anonymous Turtle said...

I know totally what you mean about tragic events falling on the same day as celebration events. My paralysis happened on my dad's birthday. For 20 years, he never celebrated it. He felt guilty, like it was his fault. Finally, mom told him enough is enough. On his 49th birthday, she had a party for him.

When Foo & I selected our wedding date, I chose September 29th for several reasons. #1 - It's dad's birthday. #2 - It's close to my grandma's birthday, Sept 30th. I wanted that time to be joyful and not sad.

I believe that God makes something good come from everything that is sad or tragic. So your 3 year anniversary is a joyful time to remember. I think Chris would want it that way as well.

As far as $20 and 2 hours...lunch with a good friend. whatcha doin'?

At 13 October, 2008, Blogger Aunt Jackie said...

Ooh Cool! Happy Anniversary... I'm sorry that the two events do coincide. That's rough, but at the same time it's what the universe planned I guess. Hard to find logic there sometimes. :(

Hope you did treat yourself though.

I'm sure Chris is celebrating with you guys in some way, I bet he's very near.


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