Monday, September 22, 2008

Gallimaufry

(noun: A hodgepodge or jumble.)

My parents live in central Florida, which is about 45 minutes from where Hoop and I live. Somewhere in between the two, at about the 30 minute mark, the weather pattern changes entirely. It's like the difference between the Sahara and the Tropics. Last month, the waterway beside our neighborhood flooded. Meanwhile, the lakes in my parents' town were dwindling away to puddles. If Hoop doesn't mow for two weeks, the weeds in our yard begin to devour our house. My parent's struggle to grow anything besides dirt. You would think we'd all be used to these differences.

Saturday morning, Mom called to tell me that they were leaving for the zoo. "So you're going to meet us there, right?" I stared at the downpour outside. "Um. I hate to break it to you, but I don't think we're going to the zoo today." She told me not to be silly; it was sunny outside. "Oh-kay." Then I got ready to go to the movies. Thirty minutes later, I received a phone call. "It's pouring!" Mom wailed into the phone. "Would it be OK if we went to the movies instead?" "Sure!" I told her before reading off the movie times I'd pulled from the computer 30 minutes before.

We went to see "
Ghost Town". I can describe the movie in one word. SLOW. I would have rather watched two snails wrestling. The story is about an unlikeable dentist who goes in for rectal surgery, dies, is revived, and then starts seeing dead people. Only, these dead people want things from him. The rest of the movie is one long, boring boy-tries-to-get-girl subplot that isn't even interesting. Just when you think you might fall asleep, they throw something funny in, bait enough to keep you watching (and hoping). Skip this one altogether. Hoop and I gave it one out of five sporks.

Sunday evening, Hoop and I went to visit his Mom. As I mentioned two posts ago, the soon-to-be-MIL still hadn't gotten us the addresses of the people she wanted to invite. I'd long ago decided not to care about it, seeing as I'd already sent out the other invitations and was busy rounding up RSVPs already. But Hoop couldn't let it go. "Have you got the addresses yet?" He badgered her on Sunday. Then she did something I will never forget. She handed him a phonebook and huffed, "Well, they're listed in the yellow pages." Then, to my utter shock and disbelief, Hoop did something equally absurd...

...he handed ME the phonebook.

Un-fucking-real. I handed the book right back to him, of course. Apparently, they have both lost their fucking minds. My new name for Hoop's Mom is MILzilla. My new name for Hoop is Stupid. On top of that, Hoop's Dad keeps telling me our wedding website is down. Granted, the man has never tried to access the site himself. No, he's taking the word of some computer-illiterate friend. Despite my assurances and telling him how many people HAVE accessed the site, he doesn't believe me. Ugh. I'm done. I'll be drinking in the corner until this is all through. Let me know when I need to walk down the aisle, OK?

So, what fun and exciting things did you do this weekend?

Labels: , ,

24 Comments:

At 22 September, 2008, Blogger mrspao said...

Hug - no one would blame you if you shot your in-laws. Just saying.

 
At 22 September, 2008, Blogger Knight said...

You should make the rule that until you are legally bound to them you shouldn't have to deal with Hoop's family. Even after you say I do it should be a rule that Hoop has to deal with any nonsense they come up with. You also might want a tranquillizer ready for milzilla on the big day.

 
At 22 September, 2008, Blogger furiousBall said...

oh man, i love me some snail wrestling, i HAVE to go see that. i've always wondered how do they make sequined wrestling masks that small?

 
At 22 September, 2008, Blogger Jay said...

The only way I ever get married is by eloping to Vegas. No way I would go through all the hassles of a big (or even small) wedding.

Bummer that "Ghost Town" sucked. It has some really funny people in it. Oh well.

 
At 22 September, 2008, Blogger Mary said...

(((((hugs)))))

Damn soon to be family. Not cool.

 
At 22 September, 2008, Blogger fiwa said...

No one gets through a wedding unscathed by their in-laws. It's in the rule book o'life. Hang in there.

What did I do? Read The Host every waking moment. Finished it at 9:00pm last night. ;)

 
At 22 September, 2008, Blogger Catutes said...

Elope. Truly. It is the only way to avoid the chaos.

Some internal switch goes off in parents brain's when they hear their kids are getting married. That is the only reason for the inexplicably stupid behavior most begin to exhibit at the thought of weddings.

I hope it gets better. It's your damn day (and Hoops too) and everyone else should shut the hell up so you can celebrate.

Hugs and wishes for a great marraige celebration!

 
At 22 September, 2008, Blogger Peggy said...

As I said before, let passive agressive work FOR you. Just keep forgetting the invitations just as long as she keeps forgetting the addresses.

 
At 22 September, 2008, Blogger Hilary said...

This too shall pass.. but until it does, have another sip. ;)

 
At 22 September, 2008, Blogger the planet of janet said...

hilary has the right idea.

 
At 22 September, 2008, Blogger Knot said...

I shot 3 Mexicans crossing the border illegally, made love to a sweet Canadian princess and did the laundry ... as far as you know.

Knot

 
At 22 September, 2008, Blogger womaninawindow said...

Two snails wrestling. tehehe. Who needs a movie when you can imagine? Yaaaa...imagine...(Insert Family Guy's drool here.)

 
At 22 September, 2008, Blogger Alice said...

oh. my. gosh. i would "misplace" any addresses she finally produce, at this point.

 
At 23 September, 2008, Blogger Lauren said...

Holy shit. ME TOO!! Well, minus the phone book.

So.over.wedding.planning. ARGH!

 
At 23 September, 2008, OpenID kcinnova said...

Why are some people stuck in junior high?

I wish I could loan you my MIL & FIL, because they rock!
I also wish this for my DH, because guess who is coming to visit this weekend? ugh.

 
At 23 September, 2008, Blogger Fortune Cookies said...

I'm so lucky to have such great in-laws! It's Wifester I feel bad for...well, as they say, you aren't marrying his family, just him. I say a bottle of wine makes everyone more palatable! At this point, I'd forget about even sending invitations to her peeps, too damned bad, she could have been a bit more compliant with the plans! Or, just hand her a stack and say send em whenever you get around to it, I've got my hands full now.

 
At 23 September, 2008, Blogger Jen said...

Somehow I think the courts would find your "I sporked them to death" justifiable homicide.

 
At 23 September, 2008, Blogger Kelly said...

You should just have Hoop deal with any potential in-law issues regarding wedding stuff. He knows how to best deal with them anyways, right? Isn't it bad enough you have to deal with your own parents and their expectations/demands (reasonable or not) on your wedding planning? There are two of you and two sets of parents - divide and conquer, baby. (It's either that or you have to 1) kill the in-laws, 2) do a lot of stuff you don't want to do, or 3) end up having a wedding that is nothing like the one you envisioned together. Just explain that to Hoop and he'll understand.)

Stay the course! It's not long now! You can do it! (Some Tuesday wedding-planning cheerleading for ya.)

 
At 23 September, 2008, Blogger gary rith said...

uh oh, MILZILLA? Good thing you aren't marrying HER

 
At 23 September, 2008, Blogger mamatulip said...

You see people's true colours at weddings and funerals. Seriously. It took me a few years to get over certain actions carried out by my MIL around the time of our wedding, but I'm happy to say that I find her now to be quite a decent individual.

 
At 23 September, 2008, Blogger Michael Knight Rambo said...

I'm having trouble accessing your wedding website.
I think it may be down.
Are you sure that it's working?

 
At 24 September, 2008, Anonymous SgtTwistd said...

I will be there to give you a good old shove down the isle Tink! lol

 
At 25 September, 2008, Blogger Sparkling Red said...

Holy Wow. The nerve of those people! :-p I think I would have had to smack someone with that phone book. You excercised admirable restraint.

 
At 25 September, 2008, Blogger Newt said...

Bummer about the movie. I was hoping that would be one our new train wreck cult classics. Sigh...

Do you need a punching bag or one of those blow up clowns you can kick around that weeble and wobble? You could just have a space for someones face on it and insert whoever is on your shit list at the moment.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home