Pause

I was so deep in dream this morning when my alarm woke me, it literally felt like the bed was pushing me up from its middle. It was expelling me, like skin to a splinter. I was at the part in my dream where I realized our wedding was today and that nothing had been prepared. The DJ had just asked me what songs she should play and I was about to confess that I didn't give a damn. Somewhere between showering and dressing my brain rebooted, remembered that it was Thursday and that the wedding was still another month and a half away. Thank God.

But I'm afraid a part of myself remained in bed anyway. Maybe it watched me leave and then went back to sleep. Regardless, my body, here at work, is acting like its waiting for the reunion. It's not budging until it gets that missing piece back. I tried exercising at lunch. I tried feeding it. But it's stubborn. "Let's do some work," I tell it. We start in on some random spreadsheet and the next thing I know, we're googling recipes for pumpkin bread and it's two hours later. I feel ADD, without the neato hyperactivity.

I'm not depressed; I'm just not really that interested. Here's my confession, I haven't worked in two days. It's worse today than yesterday. I've been here, just not mentally. I don't know what I've done with the time either. Surely it wasn't anything productive. By the feel of things, it wasn't anything fun either. I'm on pause. Part of me is curious to see how long I can let it go on before there are consequences. Will there be consequences? In a place where no one knows all I do, where I could go three days without a conversation, consequences could be fun.

In Other News:
Blogtations has featured one of my quotes in a YouTube video! It's really well done, and I'm not just saying that because I'm bias. Go check it out. Seriously, there's nothing going on here anyway. ;)