Thursday, September 25, 2008

Pause

I was so deep in dream this morning when my alarm woke me, it literally felt like the bed was pushing me up from its middle. It was expelling me, like skin to a splinter. I was at the part in my dream where I realized our wedding was today and that nothing had been prepared. The DJ had just asked me what songs she should play and I was about to confess that I didn't give a damn. Somewhere between showering and dressing my brain rebooted, remembered that it was Thursday and that the wedding was still another month and a half away. Thank God.

But I'm afraid a part of myself remained in bed anyway. Maybe it watched me leave and then went back to sleep. Regardless, my body, here at work, is acting like its waiting for the reunion. It's not budging until it gets that missing piece back. I tried exercising at lunch. I tried feeding it. But it's stubborn. "Let's do some work," I tell it. We start in on some random spreadsheet and the next thing I know, we're googling recipes for pumpkin bread and it's two hours later. I feel ADD, without the neato hyperactivity.

I'm not depressed; I'm just not really that interested. Here's my confession, I haven't worked in two days. It's worse today than yesterday. I've been here, just not mentally. I don't know what I've done with the time either. Surely it wasn't anything productive. By the feel of things, it wasn't anything fun either. I'm on pause. Part of me is curious to see how long I can let it go on before there are consequences. Will there be consequences? In a place where no one knows all I do, where I could go three days without a conversation, consequences could be fun.

In Other News:
Blogtations has featured one of my quotes in a YouTube video! It's really well done, and I'm not just saying that because I'm bias. Go check it out. Seriously, there's nothing going on here anyway. ;)

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27 Comments:

At 25 September, 2008, Blogger Mary said...

I feel like I'm still in bed. But I'm getting a cold/flu thing.

I had some weird ass dreams last night too...glad I woke up...What woke me up was I passed out falling over a row of chairs at some weird concert with my ex....odd...

 
At 25 September, 2008, Blogger Alice said...

yay for the quote video! it's a pretty brilliant quote, honestly. yellow shirt + cleavage must be, like, the best way EVER to get noticed. too bad i look so crappy in yellow..

 
At 25 September, 2008, Blogger Imez said...

"I'm not depressed; I'm just not really that interested"

That keeps going around and around my brain. Like I've got a new motto.

No, wait. I am depressed.

Someday, tho.

 
At 25 September, 2008, Blogger mrspao said...

I wish I could stay in bed all day! You'll have a wonderful wedding - I'm certain of it!

 
At 25 September, 2008, Blogger Reb said...

I hate waking up and leaving part of me in bed. The video is wonderful.

 
At 25 September, 2008, Blogger Maggie said...

go get your remote silly and hit play!

or you could still wait around and see the consequences.

now, where is my remote?

 
At 25 September, 2008, OpenID kcinnova said...

I have many days like that (usually when I don't have enough caffeine)! And that's when I remember to take my happy pills!

WhooHoo! Wedding in 6 weeks! You're holding up fine. But my mailbox seems to be missing my invitation... ;)

 
At 25 September, 2008, Blogger Chris said...

Congrats on the quote!

Hey, we all need a little in-cube vacation from time to time...

 
At 25 September, 2008, Blogger Fortune Cookies said...

apathy is a form of depression, you aren't crying and sad, just apathetic...I fight it too. I havent done much work either, but then, I don't really have any to do. I knew I should have slowed my ass down on Tuesday. Oh well. Hope your spirits lift!

 
At 25 September, 2008, Anonymous SgtTwistd said...

Apathetic describes me very well at this moment!
Or is that PATHETIC! lol I know how ur feeling Tink... I just need some freaking excitement!! (in a good way, not because of crazy shit going on lol)
Boredom sucks!

 
At 25 September, 2008, Blogger Gramps said...

Just wait until you have children. Then you'll feel like this all the time!

 
At 25 September, 2008, Blogger the planet of janet said...

it's 6 weeks till your wedding. you're entitled to feel all apathetic and weird.

this too shall pass...

 
At 25 September, 2008, Blogger Michael Knight Rambo said...

"SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE HAS A CASE OF THE MONDAYS!"

Hmmm... and yellow?

Is that why I'm always transfixed by my pee? (Except when it's brown and rusty or blackish.)

 
At 25 September, 2008, OpenID gawilli said...

In the school business we call that feeling crunkamunkaphobia - "I'm here, really I am. But you can't see me. And I'm not doing anything. Nothing at all, except marking time until something better comes along." Seniors always get it during the last semester. I got while waiting for the baby to come. Thank heavens he's here. And I still have my job.

 
At 25 September, 2008, Blogger Saffa Chick said...

I had those dreams before my wedding too. I think everyone does ;-)

 
At 26 September, 2008, Anonymous apathy lounge said...

I was so exhausted today during work that I thought the very act of sitting down would leave me no alternative other than to lapse into a coma. Maybe you're internalizing your stress.

 
At 26 September, 2008, Blogger Catutes said...

Ahhh, try some yogi tea's Bedtime tea to help prevent that type of nightmare.

You link to some of the best stuff to read. I loved the blogtation video, thanks for pointing it out.

Better dreams for all!
HEY, IT's FRIDAY!!!!!

 
At 26 September, 2008, Blogger mamatulip said...

I'm with Chris - in-cube vacations are an integral part of getting through the work week.

 
At 26 September, 2008, Blogger furiousBall said...

i'm going out to get some yellow boxer briefs stat

 
At 26 September, 2008, Blogger Foo said...

Ah yes: the dream hangover. Leaves you feeling weird all day. I feel for you.

Still, it has to be some comfort when you wake up and realize that reality isn't, for once, quite the disaster you were dreaming about. Although, having said that and after yesterday's tour of the new facilities, I'm afraid my dream wasn't too far from the mark.

I wonder if it's too late to take the blue pill?

 
At 26 September, 2008, Blogger Real Live Lesbian said...

It must be in the air. I feel the same way today...and i didn't do a damn thing yesterday either...or the day before.

I think it's Fall Fever!

 
At 26 September, 2008, Blogger Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

hey, I love pumpkin bread and TOTALLY understand--I have done f#ckall today...well, I've read a lot of blog posts!

 
At 26 September, 2008, Blogger OneDaisy said...

I think it's a bug in the air. However, today consititutes as Fuck Off Friday so that explains everything and excuses your behaviour. ENJOY!

 
At 26 September, 2008, Blogger Mike said...

You know what you need?

A good dump.

I'm talking the kind where it feels like your giving birth, a HUGE HUGE log that comes out all in one piece, zero need for clean up and leaves your ass flaps fluttering.

That'll cheer you up.

 
At 26 September, 2008, Blogger fiwa said...

On Pause. That's a really good word for it. I'm on pause too.

I wish I could help you with the wedding stuff - I hope you're not getting so stressed out that you don't enjoy it.

 
At 28 September, 2008, Blogger womaninawindow said...

Ever watch Dead Like Me? Offices are too vacuous. I get shivers just thinking about them.

Recipe yourself back to life! I'm sure that's what Nike meant when they said, "Just do it!"

 
At 30 September, 2008, Blogger Newt said...

It's in the air. It's almost time to hibernate for the winter. :-)

 

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