Another Bitchfest Happy Post

Apparently, I caught Karma on a bad day yesterday.

Maybe she was having a heavy flow and they ran out of Chunky Monkey at the gas station. Who knows. What I DO know is that my day has been filled with more bizarre occurrences than usual. Which is saying a lot. I think Karma saw my post yesterday and decided, "Hey! This chick deserves seconds." Well, thanks. So I've decided not to tempt her again. Instead, I'll tell you why my day has sucked rocked.

Can You Hear Me Now? Nextel service has been down all day. But only on my work's road. Which is great, because I didn't buy a cell phone to talk on it. No! I bought it to weigh down my purse. You know, just in case someone tries to steal it and I have to use it as a weapon.

Speed Racers. All day I've had a craving for soup. So on my hour lunch break I decided to make the 40 minute drive (20 minutes each way) to the nearest Crispers. On the way I hit not one, but TWO, drivers going five miles under the speed limit. But I didn't get mad. It's good that they're cautious. Everyone knows speed kills. Or is it crack? Besides, I wouldn't want them to mess up their blue beehives with all the wind that comes from driving 30 mph.

Food Nazis. After I got to Crispers, I patiently waited in line for ten minutes to order. It wasn't until I'd reached the counter that they informed me the credit/ATM/overall IQ was down. Still, I refused to panic. There was an ATM across the street. When I came back five minutes later, I was happy to see the line had grown three times the size it had been before. Who needs to eat anyway? Food is fattening. I'll just stick to air.

Big Baby. On the way back to the office, I called Hoop to cry about my soupless status. "I'm s-s-so hungry!" I bawled. "I wasted my g-g-gas for nothing. All I wanted was some s-s-soup! I have money!" Like the wonderful guy that he is, he offered to order me a pizza. The moral of the story is... You get more sympathy by being pathetic than you do by being angry. And morals are good, mmmkay.

It Was A Sick Pig. With five minutes of lunch to spare, I pulled into the gas station for a quick hunger fix of tea and nibbles. The nibble that appealed was a small ham and swiss lunchable. As I got back in the car, I happened to look down and notice the ham inside the package was dark brown. Someone had broken the seal on the container and the meat inside had rotted. "I'm glad I purchased it and not someone else," I thought cheerfully as I dry heaved out my window.

I Got Skillz. "This meat is rotten," I told the lady behind the counter. "Did you open it?" She asked. "Nooo. It was already open. Hence the rotten meat." Since it had only been a minute since I'd left the store initially, I chose to believe this simpleton imaginative woman thought me capable of performing magic. Not implying that things decomposed at an alarming rate when around me. Finally! Someone who sees how special I am!

Got any news to vent boast about?

Courtesy of Odd Mix

The words for this weekend are...

Memory and Imagination

Next, she's bring back acne. The beautiful and funny Sunshine is throwing a Blog Prom. There's going to be stories, and pictures, and virtual spiked punch. All the coolest kids are going to be there. Don't miss out! Oh and... If someone doesn't have a date yet, let me know. Not that I'm looking. I already have the word out to Josh Holloway that I'm taking him. But on the rare chance he turns me down, I'll need a backup. ;)

Have a FANTASTIC weekend!