Friday, April 27, 2007

Another Bitchfest Happy Post

Apparently, I caught Karma on a bad day yesterday.

Maybe she was having a heavy flow and they ran out of Chunky Monkey at the gas station. Who knows. What I DO know is that my day has been filled with more bizarre occurrences than usual. Which is saying a lot. I think Karma saw my post yesterday and decided, "Hey! This chick deserves seconds." Well, thanks. So I've decided not to tempt her again. Instead, I'll tell you why my day has sucked rocked.

Can You Hear Me Now? Nextel service has been down all day. But only on my work's road. Which is great, because I didn't buy a cell phone to talk on it. No! I bought it to weigh down my purse. You know, just in case someone tries to steal it and I have to use it as a weapon.

Speed Racers. All day I've had a craving for soup. So on my hour lunch break I decided to make the 40 minute drive (20 minutes each way) to the nearest Crispers. On the way I hit not one, but TWO, drivers going five miles under the speed limit. But I didn't get mad. It's good that they're cautious. Everyone knows speed kills. Or is it crack? Besides, I wouldn't want them to mess up their blue beehives with all the wind that comes from driving 30 mph.

Food Nazis. After I got to Crispers, I patiently waited in line for ten minutes to order. It wasn't until I'd reached the counter that they informed me the credit/ATM/overall IQ was down. Still, I refused to panic. There was an ATM across the street. When I came back five minutes later, I was happy to see the line had grown three times the size it had been before. Who needs to eat anyway? Food is fattening. I'll just stick to air.

Big Baby. On the way back to the office, I called Hoop to cry about my soupless status. "I'm s-s-so hungry!" I bawled. "I wasted my g-g-gas for nothing. All I wanted was some s-s-soup! I have money!" Like the wonderful guy that he is, he offered to order me a pizza. The moral of the story is... You get more sympathy by being pathetic than you do by being angry. And morals are good, mmmkay.

It Was A Sick Pig. With five minutes of lunch to spare, I pulled into the gas station for a quick hunger fix of tea and nibbles. The nibble that appealed was a small ham and swiss lunchable. As I got back in the car, I happened to look down and notice the ham inside the package was dark brown. Someone had broken the seal on the container and the meat inside had rotted. "I'm glad I purchased it and not someone else," I thought cheerfully as I dry heaved out my window.

I Got Skillz. "This meat is rotten," I told the lady behind the counter. "Did you open it?" She asked. "Nooo. It was already open. Hence the rotten meat." Since it had only been a minute since I'd left the store initially, I chose to believe this simpleton imaginative woman thought me capable of performing magic. Not implying that things decomposed at an alarming rate when around me. Finally! Someone who sees how special I am!

Got any news to vent boast about?

Courtesy of
Odd Mix

The words for this weekend are...

Memory and Imagination

Next, she's bring back acne. The beautiful and funny Sunshine is throwing a
Blog Prom. There's going to be stories, and pictures, and virtual spiked punch. All the coolest kids are going to be there. Don't miss out! Oh and... If someone doesn't have a date yet, let me know. Not that I'm looking. I already have the word out to Josh Holloway that I'm taking him. But on the rare chance he turns me down, I'll need a backup. ;)

Have a FANTASTIC weekend!

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24 Comments:

At 27 April, 2007, Blogger Mamalujo said...

Me! Me!

 
At 27 April, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

I'm glad that you're having such a happy day. It would really suck for your Friday to be one big Crapfest.

I didn't go to my prom in high school. I was too cool for that. But, I'll see if my BFF Britney wants to go to this one. haha

 
At 27 April, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Mamalujo: Alright T! Since Sawyer, I mean Josh, seems to be unavailable. The prom is on Tueday. Don't forget to dig out that old prom picture. ;)

Jay: You didn't miss anything. Adult prom is going to be so much better. At least now we can drink!

 
At 27 April, 2007, Blogger meno said...

Thank heavens i still fit in my prom dress!

I love how the employee at that store thought you were up to no good with your evil plan to get away with another $1.69 lunchable.

 
At 27 April, 2007, Blogger mitchgib said...

Hi Tink ! Thanks for commenting on my blog ! I feel like I won the lottery ! Is that normal for new bloggers? Someone looked at something I put together ! I better have a cocktail and settle down !
I can relate to your lunch story. One of my many jobs only gave us 30 minutes for lunch, and I used to make it a challenge to get through the drive through at Wendy's and back before I got busted.
Take Care !

 
At 27 April, 2007, Blogger Mary said...

(((((HUGS)))))

I hope your weekend is nice and normal.

 
At 27 April, 2007, Blogger fiwa said...

Dang girl! Well, uh, it can only get better, right?!

I would feed you soup if I could.

Oh, PLEASE don't go out of the way to look up that paint chip/swatch. You are so sweet, but if you don't still have it, don't worry about trying to get it.

Hope you have a fantabulous weekend!
fiwa

 
At 27 April, 2007, Blogger Foo said...

Oi! Sending loving, happy vibes your way. I used to have a lot of pent-up rage over lots of the same kinds of things that you're having to put up with, so I can relate. All I can tell you is that between my full-time job (where I got to uproot all my stuff and move to an identical cubicle 15 yards away, this week), my non-paying job (no, not the Turtle's Cabana Boy gig; the volunteer webmaster debacle), and trying to get ready for the (rapidly approaching) MS 150... I'm simply too gakking tired to work up a good head of righteously indignant steam.

But Nissan Moron-o [sic] drivers still suck. Mostly. There was one decent one, but I'm pretty sure it was a rental. I mean, I'm sure they're wonderful people, but... okay, I'm lying. By my observations, they're arrogant assholes. Except that one.

Hmm. Guess I wasn't too tired after all.

 
At 27 April, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

After reading about the ham sandwich, I'm strangely not hungry for supper anymore. Go figure. :)

 
At 27 April, 2007, Blogger tammy said...

You can't take my boyfriend to prom!

And, I am very disturbed about your sandwich story.

BTW, the butterfly farm is in brooker. UF has a much better one...

 
At 27 April, 2007, Blogger butterfly girl said...

Oh dear girl! Deprive a girl of her lunch! Jeez Karma was pissed!

You would think though that I would have been equally punished? Now I will be looking over my shoulder till I get rained on.

I have had my fair share of "no food for you!" days of late. You would think I would be skinny now?

Have a great weekend!

 
At 28 April, 2007, Blogger Mike Y said...

Aw... Tink! That sucks bigtime! I'm sorry for your day. Shoot, I think I'd be crying if I had all that happen to me. (((Tink)))

 
At 28 April, 2007, Blogger Princess Banter said...

My word... that did sound like a pretty bad day. If it makes you feel better, mine wasn't too good either. The weather was making everyone (including me) cranky and I felt so bloated and huge cuz of nasty water retention. And I got locked out of my house. So believe me when I say, I feel ya... In times like these, seriously, it's best to think that tomorrow can't be worse off.

 
At 28 April, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

I think the karma cow is just getting it all over at once for you so that you can have a most fabulous weekend!

 
At 28 April, 2007, Anonymous susan said...

Why is it that guys are such suckers for pathetic women? Thank goodness Hoop was willing to feed you as Karma wasn't letting you do it on your own!

 
At 28 April, 2007, Blogger Tory said...

Just found your blog and I love it. Keep up the good work. I laughed myself sick.
I will put a link to your blog from mine. you deserve the award!
Stop by and visit my blog sometime.
Take care.

 
At 28 April, 2007, Blogger J-Funk said...

I get so wrecked when I miss lunch that I've become a Boring Lunch Eater so that I don't take any chances - I rarely eat out, always bring something edible even without a microwave, fridge or silverware (usually PB&J) and always have an extra banana just in case. Unfortunately this means I lose all self-control when I do happen to eat out and I order the most offensively unhealthy things I can find on the menu. But I think I've made up for it with my years and years of PB&J. I've found if you change up the PB or the J every once in a while it really helps.

 
At 28 April, 2007, Blogger mjd said...

Hey Tink, Your day may have sucked, but your post is hilarious...one of the funniest ever. Me, I am hiding from Karma. She is one wicked lady, but do not tell her that I said so.

Hmm, I think Karma is peeking. My word verification is, "dorxs"

 
At 29 April, 2007, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

What horrible day. I just can't believe we rely so much now on technology. If a computers down take an imprint of the card and send you on your way.

Bastardos.

 
At 29 April, 2007, Blogger graymama said...

{{{{HUGS}}}}

Looking for silver lining...

Maybe the slow driver was placed in your path to save you from being involved in a deadly car crash.

Maybe the soup at Crispers was bad and would have given you a one way ticket to the bathroom.

Maybe you saved some young child from eating bad ham.

Okay, well I tried. At least there wasn't any more dog poop in the house :-)

 
At 29 April, 2007, Blogger mamatulip said...

Dude. I hope your weekend made up for this shitty day.

 
At 30 April, 2007, Blogger Tawcan said...

Hey I hope your weekend is better than your "rock" day.

 
At 30 April, 2007, Blogger Nettie said...

What a wonderful Friday for you Tink. I think I will pass on the Prom thing. Jr. Prom was a bust as the guy I went with wanted more than I was willing to put out so he got pissed. Sr. Prom was with the boyfriend and he played Hackey Sack (yup) with his buddies all night. And then as an adult I went to the Last Chance Prom with my soon to be Ex and he passed out during......well, yeah, during sex. No more prom for Nettie.

Have a beatiful week. And hopefully soup will find its way to your tummy.

 
At 01 May, 2007, Blogger EE said...

"Food is fattening. I'll just stick to air."

LMAO.......GOD. (((((you)))))

 

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