Thursday, July 17, 2008

Moving On

It still feels surreal.

If I concentrate on other things, I can almost pretend it didn't happen.

Almost.

Of all the dangerous things Chris was involved in... I mean, he was going to Iraq next spring. We just never expected something to happen to him 45 minutes from home. I guess you never know. Hoop and I were finishing up a serious conversation when we got the phone call. I'll never forget that moment, not as long as I live. We had just decided to start doing certain things that would make our lives easier; we'd agreed on setting a few wheels into motion. In a second it all seemed so unimportant. Who cared about commutes or crappy jobs? Who cared about wedding deadlines and plans for the weekend? Chris was dead.

I can still feel the pit, somewhere between my ribs, where the pain flared up when I heard those words. It was like someone had poked a hole in me. I wanted to run from it, but it was attached to me. Every time I looked at Hoop, touched him or thought of him, the hole ached. He was in so much pain and there was nothing I could do. No comfort was big enough. No promise worthy enough. My own hurt was like nothing I'd ever experienced before, and to think that it dwarfed in comparison to whatever he was feeling... I'd do anything to ensure he never felt that kind of pain again.

The funeral was beautiful. Chris' entire platoon showed up and then gave him an honorary gun salute. The only florist in town ran out of flowers and plants trying to meet the demand for all the condolences people were trying to send. Hoop and Bob took the shovels from the gravediggers in the end and refused to let anyone else bury our dearest friend. I think Chris would have been touched... and amused. The casket was blue with pink sparkles and adorned with gigantic crosses. Bleh. We sat in the pew discussing all the ways we wished we could fix it. Like maybe painting it black with a couple of large guns on top.

For those interested, the articles on the accident can be found
here and here. He was on the phone when it happened. The poor girl he was talking to will probably need extensive therapy. But fortunately, it appears that he died on impact and felt no pain. It was also a blessing that his 4-year old son had gone home four days earlier with Hoop's other brother, who had also been visiting. We're currently petitioning for custody of him. In fact, Hoop and I can think of nothing else that would make us happier. I really think we could give him a good life. But the subject isn't being discussed just yet. So say a prayer, OK?

Thanks to everyone who commented, emailed, and offered love/support/donations. I can't express to you how much that meant to us! Hoop and I read and reread every one of them. No donations are necessary though. Chris had some life insurance policies and Hoop's Dad has assured us that the little guy will be well provided for. That said, I'm going to try and not discuss the subject on here anymore. It was difficult enough coming back, not knowing what to say or where to begin. I need a break. I need the laughter of friends. So forgive me if I just try to carry on, at least until the hole closes some.

The 3rd Annual PB Contest was supposed to start tomorrow. Since I'm a bit behind, it has been postponed until August 1st. The Anniversary of the day Hoop discovered my blog is on July 25th. Arabella Day is on July 30th. The WWC has been extended one more week. I'll have my submissions and the new words posted next Tuesday, July 22nd. Thank you all for your patience. I'll make sure the goodies for the contest are extra good this year. Like maybe photo-cards and mixed CDs good. Ohhh yeahhh.

So, what did I miss in your world? Tell me something good.

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57 Comments:

At 17 July, 2008, Blogger Newt said...

We just got a cabin in the woods next to a beutiful lake. It's yours anytime you want it. The key is under the mat. Pictures at my site. THAT would be good therapy for you guys. You can sing along with the bullfrogs and play atari.

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger Tink said...

You shouldn't tell people the key is under the mat! Now you're going to come back and find a couple of weirdos camping out in your living room with a cooler of beer...

Yes, I'm referring to us. ;)

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger moo said...

I didn't know if you saw or not, but I don't want you to find it NEXT week when some of the shock, maybe, has worn off. So here's my WWC submission: http://moosmoo.wordpress.com/2008/07/15/photo-challenge-sign-graffiti/

And in the meantime, I am giggling guility at the thought of pink glitter sparkles on the coffin. Like he got punked by his brother.

I REALLY hope you get the boy. Motherhood ... wow. I'm rooting for you guys!

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger moo said...

and, oh, if you want to know something good, just go to my home page. www.moosmoo.wordpress.com

You'll like it, I promise. ;)

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger Mamalujo said...

Mostly I've been checking back here to see how you guys are doing. Oh yeah, I had a colonoscopy yesterday. Getting old is a bitch.

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger womaninawindow said...

Ah, that mamalugo and her colonoscopy pranks! hahaha. (just kidding mamalujo, your poor bum!)
Ah, I got nothing, just a whole lot of good thoughts and hopes for you guys.

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger Jay said...

It's entirely possible that I will beat you to Newt's cabin. But, don't worry, I will save some beer for you and Hoop.

Good news? I found out my blog is banned in some places because of "objectionable content" .. Cool huh?

I actually posted my WWC this week, but you know what? I'm gonna do it again, just for you. ;-)

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger meno said...

A blue with pink sparkles casket! That's excellent!

Good to hear from you honey.

Oddly, i had a colonoscopy this week too, and the good news is my ass is perfect. And i have the pictues to prove it.

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger the planet of janet said...

getting chris' son would be amazing for you.

still sending hugs and hopes and prayers.

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger Chris said...

*hugs*

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger Reb said...

Sending wishes that you can raise his son.

I finally got my hair cut & coloured, photos on my site. Other than that, nada. I did do the WWC, but will it do again next week for you.

Keep your chin up, we are here to listen when you are ready.

 
At 17 July, 2008, OpenID gawilli said...

Here is my something good...last Saturday I got to feel my grandson move in my daughter's tummy. There are really no words to describe that sensation.

I'm keeping a warm place in my heart for you, Tink.

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger mamatulip said...

You and Hoop and his family have been on my mind constantly since you posted of Chris' death. I have been thinking of you and sending positive vibes to you and strength and peace and love.

It's good to hear from you, love. And I really, really hope that the petition for custody works out the way you'd like it to.

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger Gordo said...

Tink, If I thought it would do any good, I'd offer our cottage up here as well.

Good news? We're heading to said cottage for two weeks of r&r starting next week!

You two take care of each other and good luck with the little guy.

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger Pamer said...

good to hear from you Tink.

I, like many others, kinda liked the idea of the blue casket with pink sparkles...i'm sure it brought a small smile to many in a time of grief.

i got three home runs in my baseball game...first time that has ever happened...

Also I will give you a quick HellBoy review...2 thumbs down with a recommendation to wait for video or Torrent. I wanted to like it so bad too>

Looking forward to the PB contest and all the other fun in the next week

Hugs

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger g-man said...

It is Thursday, we are getting ready to leave our cabin in the woods tomorrow. We will have been away from home for 16 days.

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger Mike said...

My condolences for a tragedy. I'm just tuning in and my deepest regrets for the loss of your brother in law.

Let me know if there's anything I can do, throwing a guest post in to keep your blog up, whatever?

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger the Bag Lady said...

Well, at least your comment section is trying to keep you entertained, what with all this talk of colonoscopies! Can't think of any other procedure I'd rather have...

Good luck with getting custody of Chris's son - I'm sure Chris would want you to have him!

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger Aunt Jackie said...

My new header, and my new motorcycle... for starters. :)

I'm glad you're back, and yes carry on as normal. It's not a bad thing to try to find normalcy in a situation.

You respect and love people forever, even when they're gone, they know that, and they never leave us... you know.

Everything will be o.k... even if it takes some time.

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger Ginni Dee said...

Good for you for carrying on. It's what you NEED to do! Wishing you all the luck in the world in getting Chris's son. I think you would rock as a mom.

Big hugs

 
At 17 July, 2008, Blogger Allison said...

Hmmm... let's see. A huge group of us on Steve's side is heading to the zoo this weekend. I'm thinking of finding an empty cage and throwing my nephew in, but I think his parents would be pissed (or not depending on his behavior).

Oh, and my certifiably insane (literally) neighbor gave me a free pack of cigarettes today because I gave him half a watermelon. That's good, right? You can't beat free nicotine.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Saffa Chick said...

I got a new floor in the money-pit-that-I-am-starting-to-hate, and the WYD pilgrims are driving me nuts, but you just can't beat the colonoscopies...

I've never seen a non-wood casket. Interesting.

Welcome back hun (hug)

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Mary said...

I hope you guys can get the little man. I'll be thinking happy thoughts regarding that.

Let's see. happy. hmm. I get to go home in 36 minutes! Uh Clara is in a parade tomorrow for the local art fair. I'll post pictures. Those will be really fun :-)

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Dianne said...

I feel the need to get a colonoscopy! Surely there's a 24 hour drive thru colon center somewhere in NJ!

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Peggy said...

If you want to go further than Minnesota, you can always come here for a break. I'll pick you guys up at the airport.

Hang in there you two!

You're still in my prayers.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Alex said...

I'm moving in with Tegan. The original plan was to wait until January, but the Universe decided we shouldn't wait that long.

I'm starting my own business! Organization and Consultation. Have never done this before, but am excited as hell to give it a whirl.

Interviewing on Monday, two different preschools, for two different teaching positions. One is...eh, ok. The other I want, desperately. Fingers crossed.

And. Am going to take my personal trainer/group fitness certification exams by year's end.

It's a busy time.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Anonymous Ellie said...

what ever you need right now is the right thing for you, you are being so incredibly strong but please remember that it is ok to just laugh or cry (i think these are the two most powerful emotions) and as much as crying can make you feel a bit better for a while laughter heals the soul.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Sassy Mama Bear said...

Sweet one forgive me for not being here during this time, my condolences and support is here for you always.

What's new here...
I am just about fully recovered from my June surgery.
We got a new computer, thus I am back online now :)
My boys had a blast at Scout camp and are all done. My first born is now 16, where did that time go?

Love ya sweetums.
With all things there is a silver lining, just know that.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger captain corky said...

I got a really great deal on a box of Corn Flakes at Target last week. I was so I wrote a post about it.

I think you guys would make amazing parents and that kid's going to need every ounce of love that I know you guys will give him.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

after the stunned shock, re-reading your "It's just not fair" post 5 times because that just could not be true, I immediately imagined you and Hoop, and Chris's son drawn together like a magnet. I will tirelessly pray that comes to be.
What you missed in my world........
My husband driving us down a main street in our town where the off-broadway version of Dairy Queen is located. Dairy Freeze it's called. A large, happy, seizure inducing blinking sign near the road declared "2 Foot Long Hot Dogs-$2.00" I looked at my husband in complete seriousness and asked,,,"How does someone even HOLD a 2 foot long hot dog? Let alone eat it?" He was still laughing as we pulled into our driveway, damn it.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Eileen said...

My deepest heartfelt condolences, darling girl, and I will hold good wishes for you and your nephew in my heart - I can't think of a better place for him to be than with the two of you.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Maggie said...

serious karma thoughts going your way for the custody. you guys are not good eggs - you're the best.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Fortune Cookies said...

awww you guys will make great parental units! wifester and I want to buy a baby one day, we were thinking of frozen daddy juice, but eh, neither of us wants to be pregnant, and really, there's a lot of babies out there that need a good home, right?
in my world? lets see...Wifester posted her first guest posting on my blog I suppose that's about all.
sending warm thoughts and hugs your way!

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Hilary said...

It was one of my first thoughts after reading about Chris - that you and Hoop would have custody of his son. I believe that's meant to be.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Real Live Lesbian said...

Sending up prayers for you and Hoop to become parents!

Fun news? I saw Pat Benatar this week! The audience was all old like me and there was lots of chair dancing going on. Sad, but true!

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger gary rith said...

oh man..... well, I dreamt, I really did, that me and the wife took our three dogs down to visit you and Hoop, so thanks for the hospitality!!!

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Terri said...

don't come by my place, this week has been all doom and gloom, but nothing like yours. Just know that I'm truly sorry for you and Hoop and praying that things get better every day.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Knot said...

As always, I was worried about you two.

Having a kid can be quite an adventure.

I have a toothbrush holder with your name on it!

Knot

 
At 18 July, 2008, Anonymous Kate said...

I joined Weight Watchers! And I'm losing weight!! Color me wicked excited.
And I recorded a CD with my little brother; we're giving it to our Mom tonight :)

ps- I'm still sending hugs and all kinds of love to you and Hoop.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger fiwa said...

Sweet girl, take all the time away that you need. You know we will be here, thinking about you and waiting patiently for you to come back to us.

Thank you for the update. You and Hoop are such wonderful people, and I wish you all the luck in the world in getting custody of his son.

I'm still sending you and Hoop my love and prayers.

Love you -
fiwa

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Tawcan said...

Welcome back, take your time on the posts. At time like this you need to spend as much time as possible with ppl who are close to you.

The idea of gaining the custody is a good one. I'm sure you two will raise him with all the loves and happiness he'll need.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger PEACE said...

Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way. I so hope you get custody of his son, what joy he could bring to your lives.

We all get caught up in the everyday trivial things of life. It's with these tragedies that we understand what is really important.

Good news for me, I have ovarian cancer but unlike 85% of those with this type of cancer mine was found early and the prognosis is good.

Again, my prayers go out to you and your family.

Peace and love.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Susan's 365 said...

Tink, my continued thoughts and prayers go out to your families. I will be praying that your petition for custody goes through.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Sparkling Red said...

I wish you courage and lots and lots of patience with yourselves and each other.

Good News:
I woke up this morning feeling peaceful.
A friend of mine who has a broken ankle is well on her way to healing, and happy to be able to get out of her house again.

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger Knight said...

Tink raising a kid? That lucky kid would only turn out to be the coolest person ever.

My world is full of tomato/V8 soup and sugar oil. Want me to send you some?

 
At 18 July, 2008, Blogger geenalyn said...

so glad to hear from you...i've been thinking of you bunches.

as for whats new with me, i'm finally home after being away almost a week, first at a waterpark and then in maryland...i'm so glad to be home

 
At 19 July, 2008, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Well done on such a solid recovery :)

 
At 19 July, 2008, Anonymous kcinnova said...

Pink sparkles?? I love that there was something that day to make you smile. I still tear up just thinking about Nash. You guys have all been in my prayers. And like others on here, I was also immediately struck by the thought of you two raising his son...because it just seems RIGHT. You'd be awesome parents, I just know it.

So, something good in my life?
SnakeMaster & I are currently in Loveland, Colorado, for a wedding. My nephew (SM's cousin) was married last night in an outdoor ceremony. The bride is perfect for him, and he is perfect for her. It has been a blessing to be here with extended family - a blessing that I am especially aware of in the past week.
Much love,
Kcinnova

 
At 20 July, 2008, Blogger mrspao said...

Hug hug hug.
I'm keeping you in my prayers.

 
At 20 July, 2008, Blogger jeanne_bean said...

So glad to see you back. I'll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers while you heal. I think it is wonderful that you and Hoop would like to raise Nash's son. What a tribute. He's a lucky boy to be so well loved.

Not much going on here. Getting ready to turn 40, so I need to schedule my first mammo. What fun!! Perhaps I'll get my ass scoped too, just for kicks, of course....

 
At 21 July, 2008, Anonymous Matt Jaworski said...

The funeral was beautiful. Chris' entire platoon showed up and then gave him an honorary gun salute. The only florist in town ran out of flowers and plants trying to meet the demand for all the condolences people were trying to send. Hoop and Bob took the shovels from the gravediggers in the end and refused to let anyone else bury our dearest friend. I think Chris would have been touched... and amused.

 
At 21 July, 2008, Blogger Starchy said...

Oh wow. I am so sorry to hear about Hoop's brother.

I'll keep my fingers crossed--you two would be the coolest parents ever!

Oh, and my new job sucks.

 
At 21 July, 2008, Blogger phsymom said...

My prayers are with you for healing and in raising Nash's son.

HUGS

 
At 22 July, 2008, Blogger Janet said...

a small bright ray of sunshine in the midst of all the shock and grief is you guys getting to raise Chris's son...I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Here's my good news: I'm starting a pet photography business!

 
At 22 July, 2008, Blogger Farmer*swife said...

So glad to have you back! I do so hope y'all get the Little Guy!!

Keep us posted. Y'all are awesome!

 
At 24 July, 2008, Blogger Carrie said...

Aw geez, Tink. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Lots of prayers you get custody of the little man. Big (((hugs))) to you and Hoop.

 
At 31 January, 2013, Anonymous Painting Artist, Inc - Port St Lucie FL said...

Keep your head up!

 

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