Friday, May 25, 2007

Of Sporks and Foons

If I could put a sticky on yesterday's post and leave it at the top of my blog forever, I would. It was that good. The comments were awesome guys. We even pulled Hoop out of hiding. So it's fair to say I'm all tapped out for inspired writing today. We're at the cusp of a three day weekend and my brain has already left for vacation. Instead, I bring you a bit of silliness...


1871- Edward Lear plants the seed for the first Spork (spôrk) in his poem, "The Owl and the Pussycat."

"Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?" Said the Piggy, "I will."
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon.

1874- The Spork revolution begins! Although the name "Spork" will not appear for several decades, patents for spork-like utensils are already being processed.

1943- William Mc Arthur invents the Splayd (splād), a combination spoon and blade.

1952- Hyde Ballard of Westtown, Pennsylvania files to have the name "Spork" trademarked. But instead, the name is trademarked by the Van Brode Milling Co. in 1969. The details of why Mr. Ballard never got the trademark are fuzzy. Personally, I think they Splayed him.

1996- The Spork design you know and love today was invented by Canadians, Hubert Gagnon and Aldo Balatti. Thus proving that Canadians really are the shit.

2001- The term "Foon" (fōōn) is born, an act of defiance against those who would use the much acclaimed Spork. Spork users are not amused. They demolish the rivals in a great pea eating contest.

2004- Mike Miller invents the Knork (nôrk), a combination knife and fork, while struggling to cut a slice of pizza. No one knows why he didn't just use his hands.

2005- Tink, author of the little-known blog Pickled Beef, creates the first ever Spork Defense System in an effort to stop content thieves.

  • Spork (spôrk): A combination spoon and fork.
  • Splayd (splād): A combination spoon and blade.
  • Knork (nôrk): A combination knife and fork.
  • Foon (fōōn): An anti-spork.

    May Search Terms:
    (What people put into search engines that bring them here)
    Chasing boyfriend with pink dildo Was he laughing or was he screaming when you did it?
    foot in my face smell aunt
    Do dogs secrete oil in their butt?
    Spork jewelry Hey
    Newt! Do you want to handle this?
    Free hermaphrodite photos As if someone would PAY.
    Hairy bearded beef bear
    pickle popper

    Have a great holiday weekend! I'll see you all on Tuesday.
  • Labels:


    At 25 May, 2007, Blogger Chelle said...

    You are so funny, Tink! I love reading your blog! :)

    At 25 May, 2007, Blogger geenalyn said...

    1996- The Spork design you know and love today was invented by Canadians, Hubert Gagnon and Aldo Balatti. Thus proving that Canadians really are the shit.
    **LMAO can not let my husband read this under any circumstances...he does not need a bigger head!!

    At 25 May, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

    This weekend, I hope you and Hoop put funny hats on your heads and run around the yard shrieking "Spork! Spork! Spork!"

    While playing with your pygmy goat, of course.


    At 25 May, 2007, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

    Happy Memorial Day! BBQ! BEER! SWIMMING! WOO!

    At 25 May, 2007, Blogger fiwa said...

    Have a great weekend with lots o' misbehavin'!


    At 25 May, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

    "2005- Tink, author of the WORLD FAMOUS blog Pickled Beef, creates the first ever Spork Defense System in an effort to stop content thieves."

    There, I fixed that part for you. ;-)

    Have a great holiday weekend Tinkster!!

    /I hope there is a spork categor on Jeopard soon! haha

    At 25 May, 2007, Blogger david santos said...

    Day 25 of May. World-wide day of the disappeared children.


    Earth is a place where love cannot endure,
    Where death and evil roam, at each lane,
    Neither kindness nor children can live secure,
    Where those who cause suffering reign.

    David Santos

    At 25 May, 2007, Blogger Foo said...

    The history of the spor-foo-nayed (whatever) was thoroughly riveting; however, I was most drawn to the drawing.

    Were it not almost certainly patented, trademarked, and copyrighted, I would wish to make it my personal avatar.

    That, or a lima bean with the skin off.

    At 26 May, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

    you've got to wonder about the people that search for those things. I sometimes think about my search history and wonder what the strangest thing I ever searched for was. Nothing to exciting.

    Now go picnic your ass off and don't drink and drive!

    At 26 May, 2007, Blogger Maggie said...

    I swear I left a comment here. Crazy. What I think I brilliantly said last night was something to this effect:

    I've always hated sporks - I know call me prejudice. They are just so impotent. But, I'm thinking that as dumb as sporks are, a splayd is downright imbecilic.

    A spork defense system however has some interesting aspects to it.

    Happy Weekend Tink.

    At 26 May, 2007, Blogger captain corky said...

    I first encountered the spork at KFC. Now I never eat a meal without one. That last sentance may not be 100 percent true. Have a great 3 day weekend Tink.

    At 26 May, 2007, Blogger mjd said...

    Aww, my husband and I remember when our two and half year old son said, "I don't need this knork." He was actually talking about a fork, but I guess his brain put the word fork and knife together. Generally, we did not give him either a fork or knife so maybe his classification for the item was utenstils that he was not allowed. Your post reminds me of our funny son and the wonderful awards that you so graciously granted last year.

    At 26 May, 2007, Blogger Kell said...

    Educational and entertaining! Brilliant!

    Have a great weekend.

    At 27 May, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

    I have never used, or had need, for one of those, but I hope some day it comes up and I'm standing beside the kind of person who carries one in their back pocket.

    At 28 May, 2007, Anonymous wordgirl said...

    I swear that the Boy Scouts use a spork in their mess kids. In fact, I think there's one around here someplace.

    At 29 May, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Hi Tink i know i dont know you and dont have my own blog fo ryou too link to i looked for a button to link to your email but there isnt one anyway i just wanted to say that i read your blog everyday and have sort of followed you guys through your relationship and the message from Hoop on the post before todays really made me cry - he really really loves you, if nothing else makes you feel better (i have dealt with depression myself and know that when you feel trapped at the bottom its hard) then take 5 minutes every day to read those messages. anyway thanks and i am quite embarressed at writing this in such a public place. Leff

    At 29 May, 2007, Anonymous susan said...

    I just love your silliness!

    At 29 May, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

    Thank you Leff, for delurking and leaving such a wonderful comment!

    At 29 May, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

    History of the spork. I can't believe I missed this last week. What was I doing??? Nothing could have been as important. This was wonderfully funny.

    At 31 May, 2007, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

    LMAO @ Spork Defence System.

    Instant classic.


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