I'm The New Ringleader
There's nothing quite like job hunting to make you feel completely worthless.
I applied for a Training Coordinator/HR Assistant position with the state about five days ago. Everyone kept telling me it was a waste of time. Florida law requires they post all job openings, but usually someone from within gets the position. Most times they have a candidate picked out before the notice even goes up. So I wasn't surprised when a day later I received an email saying the position had been filled. The following day I received a phone call saying they needed to ask me some questions to continue my application process.
Despite being confused, I was excited to still be in the running. But my expectations for actually getting the job were still pretty low. There was an email of decline in my box last night. "No biggie," I thought. That is, until I actually READ it. "I am contacting to say that you are not qualified for this position. Feel free to apply for another position that you are qualified for." Wait. What? Training Coordinator/HR Assistant is the position I have NOW. I'm not qualified?! I'm not qualified for the same work I've been doing for three and a half years... Ouch.
It appears I need a change of direction. So I've dug around in my head and come up with the one job I KNOW I'm qualified for. A Circus Employee! I'm great at juggling
I'm flexible. I can touch my nose with my toes! I'm not scared of heights, unless it involves ropes or rope bridges of any kind. I was the swinging champion back in third grade. I leapt off six whole feet! I totally whooped Lindsay H.'s ass. I have awesome balance, unless the object I'm balancing on is moving or smaller than the span of my foot. Ummm. Uh. Oh who am I kidding! The state is right. I'm completely talentless. I mean, they would know right? They're in charge of taxes, the police force, road construction, traffic lights... And we all know those things are perfect.
(In the order I received them)
"Ring Ring, The phone" I'm sorry, my email didn't come with a phone.
"Answer the phone" I can't!
"Can you get the phone?" Fine, I'll pretend. Hello?
"Women like big ones" That's what you called me about?
"Please Confirm" That depends on how big we're talking. If it's the difference of gherkins or cucumbers, well...