Not only have I received some really awesome awards lately, but I've had the pleasure of being reviewed by Diva Dee at So Many Blogs So Little Time. This is SO much better than all those stupid "Participant" ribbons I received as a kid! I'm going to pimp them out and this time, no one is going to laugh. Oh yeah...
I'll spread the love tomorrow, after I'm done polishing my
1. Can someone please tell me where the cockles are located?
2. I keep imagining them in my thighs.
3. I read a book at lunch that said, "You'll be so pleased with yourself, it'll warm your cockles."
4. Which, besides being a really retarded sentence, has led me to believe that the cockles are located in the thigh area. I just ate a Twinkie and it's the only part of my body both pleased and warm right now.
5. Friday night, Hoop and I went down town to celebrate a friend's 31st birthday.
6. Although I'd been assured her alcoholic buddies would NOT be going, my friend decided to invite them anyway. Because really, who doesn't love an alcoholic?
7. Within the first half hour, the alcoholic hubby was head-butting Hoop in the side repeatedly.
8. When the alcoholic wife saw what her inebriated husband was doing, she laughed and said, "There he goes again." "So he does this often?!"
9. Then the husband ran into the street and started directing traffic.
10. Thankfully, they left soon after. But not before the wife slurred in my ear, "Have I told you how cute your husband is?"
11. Most of Sunday was spent at the auto shop, waiting for my car to be fixed. $336 later, she was as good as used. Yeah, that was a pretty special moment for me.
12. Once back home, I became overwhelmed by the amount of things on my to-do list and I snapped. "I just spent $336 dollars I don't have on a car I can't stand. You would think that would warrant having the rest of the day off!"
13. Hoop stood frozen to the spot, staring in silent horror as all my fuses blew at once.
"I hate laundry! Why do we even wear clothes? We have SKIN! Isn't that good enough? We have to wash our skin, then we have to wash the crap that goes over it? I'm completely out of tampons and all I've had to eat today was a smoothie. But in order to go grocery shopping I have to first run to the store to buy tampons. Then I have to find a bathroom. Finally, once I'm done shopping, it'll be 8 o'clock and I'll have gone all day without a single solid thing in my stomach. Then I have to come home and clean the house!"
14. After he felt reassured that I was past my adult temper tantrum, he sat down on the couch to play video games. I went to the car, barefoot and purse-less.
15. I found my way to the pier down the street and there I sat for over an hour. At one point I remember thinking, "This is nice. Maybe I'll just stay here." As if living on a fishy pier were a sane thing to do.
16. Apparently, Hoop was worried while I was gone. The laundry was started by the time I got home. Then he sat me down on the couch and left for dinner and tampons.
17. Screw bringing home the bacon. I've realized that I'd rather have a man who brings home the tampons. Do you hear that sound? Those are angels singing.
18. Today I got a call from a local hiring agency about a state job I'd applied for. "I need to ask you six qualifying questions. I'm going to read them exactly how they are stated. I can't explain them to you or tell you about them further. Please answer to the best of your ability."
19. "Oh my God. What the hell are they planning on asking me?" I thought, wiping the sweat off my greasy palms.
20. "First, please say and spell your first and last name." I relaxed. After I answered, the woman continued. "Now I'm going to ask you the six questions..." Shit!
21. The six questions ended up being standard yes or no questions that pertained to the hours and pay. But I answered each one completely monotone, afraid they were monitoring the call with a lie-detector.
22. The pay for this position is X-X. Do you find this salary acceptable?" "Yes." "LIAR!"
Tomorrow: Movie Reviews and Awards