Thursday, October 25, 2007

NyQuil Makes You High

(A post written by Hoop while sick with the flu.)

Dear Rich People;

By rich people I am speaking of sports stars, rock stars, actors/actresses, corporate big boys, and Bill Gates. This is an essay to explain why one of you should give me 2 million dollars. I will accept charity, free P.R., and I really like money. That's all. I work hard and it's taking longer than I expected. So please help speed up the process. Have you ever given a bum money? Well, I have. I know it's not that satisfying and my girlfriend made me delete the picture I took of him sleeping. But that's not the point.

The point is that girls think an act of charity is sexy. They love it! Giving a couple million dollars for no reason to some guy you've never met before? That's an aphrodisiac to them. It's good P.R. Speaking of P.R., this is a chance to make a huge deal out of how generous you can be. Think about it. This is a chance to make the news, crack jokes with Letterman, or just put it in your life story. I'll even read it! I am but a mere financial representative. I go to work every day and do the best that I can. But this process could take me ten years or more, and I'll probably have kids by then.

When I gave that bum money, I maybe had $100 to my name. I gave him $3. That was 3% of my net worth that I gave away for no reason! He probably used it to buy booze or crack or something. See, I won't do that. I'll invest it. My girlfriend still talks about that bum. It makes a great story for when we're out drinking with friends. That's what you'd be creating here, a LEGEND. Don't you want to be a legend? Don't let my future wife and kids live a lower middle class life. So... Who's coming to bat? Anyone? The race begins now!

~Hoop

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30 Comments:

At 25 October, 2007, Blogger J said...

That is too damn funny.
"The point is that girls think an act of charity is sexy. They love it! Giving a couple million dollars for no reason to some guy you've never met before? That's an aphrodisiac to them."

That's Hoop: always trying to help a brother out.

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger fiwa said...

Hey, I'm with Hoop. It COULD happen.

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger furiousBall said...

you know what's an aphrodisiac to bums? that's right wild turkey, gets 'em all randy. randy hoboes.

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger tammy said...

If only I had an extra 2 million & wanted girls to think I'm sexy...

Too bad for Hoop neither are true.

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

I think you may be on to something here. If giving YOU 2 mil would make them feel good, then ALSO giving ME a mil or so would really make them feel good. And the babes would be all over them. Not just any babes, but hot babes. Like waffle house waitress hot .. errr .... like stripper hot ... errr ... like model hot .. yeah, that's it ... model hot chicks would be all over them!

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger Jen said...

I want in on this deal. I may be a girl with a husband, but money is sexy. I want to be sexy for my husband. Lipo would help that. Money would help lipo.

What?!


. . . . I'm just sayin'.

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger meno said...

I'll think it over and get back to you.

:)

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger R.E.H. said...

Yes... I've always hoped for something like that to happen as well.

Another idea I have is that every American would just give me ONE dollar... ONE! You can afford it... if everyone does it. I'll be filthy rich! :)

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger Lefty said...

Forget the money. I think pictures of sleeping bums are sexy.

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger Jen said...

Hey Tink, I know this is Hoops post and all. . . and not to steal his thunder, but didn't you mention the other blogday that you were cutting your hair to donate it?

How'd that turn out? ? ?

Just curious.

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger Karen said...

Too Funny! And what a great concept. I wonder how many great idea were discovered while suffering from high fever and sedation.

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger Pamer said...

it never hurts to ask...i would have asked for 5 million though. Aim high, says Napoleon Hill

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger Kell said...

Who could resist being a legend? I think you're onto something here. Let me know how that works for ya.

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger CRUSTYBEEF said...

Love the LEGEND I must agree with Kell-I see open skies for the Hoop and you!! :)
Always,
Crusty!
the letter had me laughing my ass off!!

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

Wow, that was pretty logical for a guy doped up on Nyquil. I hope it works out for him. You guys could use a little extra cash to fix up the house. And you do have a big wedding to plan.

And how did that new hair cut come out?????

 
At 25 October, 2007, Blogger janet said...

good stuff. nyquil, i mean. that's some good stuff.

me, i'm waiting for someone to give me $4 mil. then i'd be happy to share half of it with hoop.

 
At 26 October, 2007, Blogger butterfly girl said...

Now I'm all freaked out. Tink tells me I think too much but.....who told you about the guy I gave five bucks on Sunday? I am a woman and I gave two dollars more than a man. That's got to mean something!!!

*LOL*

*but not rolling around on the floor

 
At 26 October, 2007, Blogger Peggy said...

I hope you're feeling better.

I also hope that some wealthy person who has more money than he or she will ever be able to spend gives you some.

 
At 26 October, 2007, Blogger Freakazojd said...

Haha...oh Hoop. You and Nyquil are a gooooood mix. Great post! :)

 
At 26 October, 2007, Blogger Aunt Jackie said...

I agree about Nyquil... and really you just never know!

 
At 26 October, 2007, Blogger Brody said...

Hoop, you need to get hopped up on Nyquil and blog more often, that was tasty.

 
At 26 October, 2007, Blogger Macoosh said...

i think this is pure brilliance. pure pure brilliance. it could happen. send that letter in to a bunch of celebs and see who bites. someone totally will. probably someone who needs good press...mz. lohan? hilton? spears? doooo it.

and send me 10% just cuz. haha

 
At 26 October, 2007, Blogger coffespaz said...

That is brilliant. Hoop and DH would have a wonderful time discussing the same topic!

PS Hoop has to promise to share, just a little bit. :-)

 
At 26 October, 2007, Blogger Portia said...

hahaha..good luck, man. hope you're feeling better:)

 
At 26 October, 2007, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

I need to write a letter like that myself!

Get better!

 
At 26 October, 2007, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

I can give you a dollar, if that helps? No? Aw :(

 
At 26 October, 2007, Blogger Edge said...

I visited a friend in Phoenix once and I gave a bum an orange from a tree on the street. He said he was hungry and well ... there were oranges. He wanted money ... for drugs I think.

I guess if I had more more money to give I would be a little sexy. Since I have none, I'm not sexy.

~Jef

 
At 27 October, 2007, Blogger Alex said...

Tink, I want you and Hoop to come over tomorrow night. Go read my post and you'll see why.

Muah!

 
At 27 October, 2007, Blogger Christy said...

Legen--- wait for it...wait for it...dary. LEGENDARY!

 
At 31 October, 2007, Anonymous TB said...

Um, Hoop? You're gonna have to get used to calling her your FIANCE ;p

 

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