Quick Draw

I'm exhausted!

I'm just going to ramble until I can't anymore, OK?

Halloween Horror Nights was AWESOME! But it wasn't because of the park. Each year the event gets more crowded and less spectacular. When HHN first started out, the whole park was a scare zone. Now, the scare zone is limited to one small area. If you don't invest in a $65 express pass (while they last) then you're stuck in lines for up to two hours. Fortunately, Hoop and I are old pros at this. We strategically timed our route so that our line never exceeded an hour. Not that we mind each other's company. There's no one I would rather people-watch or pal around with than Hoop.

Unfortunately, the houses have started to slack over the years as well. I wouldn't warrant anything longer than a thirty minute wait for the length and quality of the haunted houses this year. Seven years ago, Universal took risks with their themes. There was a house that was completely pitch black. The floors would sink and sway beneath you. Just when your eyes would begin to adjust to the dark, they'd blind you with a flash of light. Then they'd lead you into a large room with body bags swinging from the ceiling and make you find your way out. This year there was nothing so creative.

There was a haunted house with vampires, another with dummies, one with psychiatric patients... *Yawn* At times the lines inside the house were so heavy that we'd stand around for a minute amid the fog and bloody scenery before shuffling on. It broke the mood. Especially when you could see and hear what was going to jump out at you ten people ahead. The shows were interesting. Bill and Ted's Excellent Halloween Adventure is always a favorite. This year featured Hollywood's three leading idiots: Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and Lindsay Lohan. Britney Spears was bald, Lindsay Lohan carried around a huge jar of coke, and Paris Hilton... Well, she's already a caricature of herself.

One of the highlights of the night was when I witnessed a fight in the bathroom. Three teenage girls had snagged a bathroom out of line order, and a 30-something year old felt the need to scream her mind. "She's puking!" One of the 17 year olds yelled at the woman. "I don't fucking care!" She yelled back. Then the puker piped up from the stall. Slaps were exchanged and I quickly exited the scene. THAT'S why booze and theme parks don't mix my friends. Then, in one of the houses, I got punched in the mouth by a large black dude who was screaming and running away from a scrawny vampire. I was laughing so hard I couldn't be mad though. Even the vampire was cracking up.

By 2am, when the park closed, Hoop and I were drunk with exhaustion. We didn't even care that we had to wait an hour in the parking garage to leave. We played horn games with the cars around us and recapped the best moments of the night. All in all, I'm not sure I could say Halloween Horror Nights is worth the money. But Hoop and I are Halloween junkies who really love critiquing haunted houses together. So for us, it's probably something we'll continue doing. On a side note, we've decided what we're going to be for Halloween... CANNIBALS! We've already bought the bones to pile in our front yard. Man, I LOVE this time of year.

Don't forget the WWC is tomorrow!