Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I'm The New Ringleader

There's nothing quite like job hunting to make you feel completely worthless.

I applied for a Training Coordinator/HR Assistant position with the state about five days ago. Everyone kept telling me it was a waste of time. Florida law requires they post all job openings, but usually someone from within gets the position. Most times they have a candidate picked out before the notice even goes up. So I wasn't surprised when a day later I received an email saying the position had been filled. The following day I received a phone call saying they needed to ask me some questions to continue my application process.

Despite being confused, I was excited to still be in the running. But my expectations for actually getting the job were still pretty low. There was an email of decline in my box last night. "No biggie," I thought. That is, until I actually READ it. "I am contacting to say that you are not qualified for this position. Feel free to apply for another position that you are qualified for." Wait. What? Training Coordinator/HR Assistant is the position I have NOW. I'm not qualified?! I'm not qualified for the same work I've been doing for three and a half years... Ouch.


It appears I need a change of direction. So I've dug around in my head and come up with the one job I KNOW I'm qualified for. A Circus Employee! I'm great at juggling projects. I work really well around a bunch of nuts. *Ahem* I have a pair of pants that remind me of a circus tent. My boss won't have to worry about inter-company relationships because clowns scare the shit out of me. I'm not allergic to lions, elephants, or trick ponies. I'm little, so fitting in that tiny car will be no problem. As long as I'm the last one in and the first one out. Claustrophobia and clowns. *Shudder*

I'm flexible. I can touch my nose with my toes! I'm not scared of heights, unless it involves ropes or rope bridges of any kind. I was the swinging champion back in third grade. I leapt off six whole feet! I totally whooped Lindsay H.'s ass. I have awesome balance, unless the object I'm balancing on is moving or smaller than the span of my foot. Ummm. Uh. Oh who am I kidding! The state is right. I'm completely talentless. I mean, they would know right? They're in charge of taxes, the police force, road construction, traffic lights... And we all know those things are perfect.

Fucking Bastards.

Spam Subjects:
(In the order I received them)
"Ring Ring, The phone"
I'm sorry, my email didn't come with a phone.
"Answer the phone" I can't!
"Can you get the phone?" Fine, I'll pretend. Hello?
"Women like big ones" That's what you called me about?
"Please Confirm" That depends on how big we're talking. If it's the difference of gherkins or cucumbers, well...

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At 22 August, 2007, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

As I was reading this, I was going to say, "Aren't you afraid of clowns?" You beat me to the punch! :)

People at those places can be such jerks!

At 22 August, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

I've been there and done that. I applied for an HR job with the highway dept. I have a degree in HR so I thought I'd at least get an interview. I didn't get so much as a rejection letter. You know why?

I turned my application in here at the local office. The person I turned it in to was the receptionist who had also applied for that job. I do believe my resume and application went straight into the trash. NEVER turn stuff into the local office, always mail it to the state office for review. That way when they say for the local office to give you an interview they have to do it.

Anyway, screw the state. Go here:

Fed hiring rules are far more fair and honest.

The state of Florida can't hold an election without fucking it up, how can they be expected to hire the right person for a job?

Now I'm pissed. Want me to write them a letter telling them what screw ups they are??

At 22 August, 2007, Blogger Tink said...

Chelle: I figure if I unfocus my eyes the clowns will look just like the lady in our office who wears too much make-up.

Jay: Sure! You're so much better at telling people off than I am. I start stuttering and it just goes down hill from there.

At 22 August, 2007, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

Thanks for the linky love my dearest.

My favorite "looking for employment story?"

A firm looking for an Exec Asst wanted the candidate to have a college degree and 5 yrs experience. And they wanted to pay this person 10.00 an hour.

I nearly peed my pants laughing when I read that. Starbucks employees make 10.00 per hour.

At 22 August, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do not look forward to going back to work. By the time I'm ready to pound the pavement my skills will include nose picking and swift channel changing.

At 22 August, 2007, Blogger Jen said...

I can dance. Not necessarily around a pole and/or for money, but I can shake what my mama gave me.


Aw, girl. . . I've so been where you are now and I'll just say it. . . . it does suck. I understand and so I am also sorry you find yourself here in this job hunting place.

Try and keep your chin up - remember: this way you know you'll find the one position that fits you. It's all good in the end.

Any company would be lucky to have you!

At 22 August, 2007, Blogger geenalyn said...

Canada says i'm not skilled to do the job i've done in the states for YEARS, which means i've got no skills and no idea what i want to be when i grow up

At 22 August, 2007, Blogger Peggy said...

Dearest Tink,

Don't you DARE let them make you feel talentless. You've got more talent in your little finger than all the State government employees combined! Which is why you got a phone call for a position for which you had already recieved a rejection letter.

At 22 August, 2007, Blogger Nettie said...

From my short experience with you, you gots some mad talent girl. Don't let them dick heads tell you differently. Hang in there..the right job for you is out there waiting, lurking in a dark corner some where.

At 22 August, 2007, Blogger Me said...

I love how you can make a joke of a normally shitty situation. Stay strong and flexible.

At 22 August, 2007, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Wait. Did you leave the other job already? I am trying to catch up...The problem is you are way too smart to work for the government.

At 23 August, 2007, Blogger Jess Riley said...

Wow...ah, the joys of working for the state (and in your case, the possibility of such employment).

As always though, you turn a bad situation into comedy gold.

At 23 August, 2007, Blogger Macoosh said...

i'm also doing the job search thing right now and it's definitely a world of suck. hopefully we'll both get the jobs we're truly meant for and they'll both happen to pay MILLIONS!!! That way, all this trouble is worth it. :)

At 23 August, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As one of the last ones to be told Slavery was over - I was in the Far Far Left Field, I am soo totally feeling you.

I am sitting on a job I applied for now. My BS meter is tingling so bad - it's being mistaken for a vibrator!

I really need to get a professional life!

Great Post!


At 23 August, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see porn in your future? Porn director, producter, talent scout, porn herapist?


At 23 August, 2007, Blogger Chris Cactus said...

I wish you luck in your quest. You should totally be under the big top. That would be awesome!

At 23 August, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

My goodness, would you want to work for such disorganized people?!??? Damn. HANG IN THERE.

At 23 August, 2007, Blogger Tawcan said...

That's just one of those generic rejection letters that companies send out b/c they're too lazy to phone each candidate and tell them that they didn't get the job. Lazy bastards. Good luck in your quest.

At 23 August, 2007, Blogger Heather said...

They send you an e-mail to tell you that you are not qualified and then they call you to ask you questions?? Yeah... definately the people who are in charge of taxes!!

At 23 August, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's rotten.

At 23 August, 2007, Blogger furiousBall said...

Job hunting is nearly as much fun as plumbing problems, usually exactly as smelly too.

At 23 August, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

Here's hoping the perfect job is right around the corner - literally and figuratively :-) - from your house that is


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