Monday, August 20, 2007

Warm Cockles

Not only have I received some really awesome awards lately, but I've had the pleasure of being reviewed by Diva Dee at So Many Blogs So Little Time. This is SO much better than all those stupid "Participant" ribbons I received as a kid! I'm going to pimp them out and this time, no one is going to laugh. Oh yeah...

from Coffeespaz.
from Sunshine.
from Jay.
from Susan.

I'll spread the love tomorrow, after I'm done polishing my Precious awards. Thank you guys!!

Weekend Recap:
1. Can someone please tell me where the cockles are located?
2. I keep imagining them in my thighs.
3. I read a book at lunch that said, "You'll be so pleased with yourself, it'll warm your cockles."
4. Which, besides being a really retarded sentence, has led me to believe that the cockles are located in the thigh area. I just ate a Twinkie and it's the only part of my body both pleased and warm right now.
5. Friday night, Hoop and I went down town to celebrate a friend's 31st birthday.
6. Although I'd been assured her alcoholic buddies would NOT be going, my friend decided to invite them anyway. Because really, who doesn't love an alcoholic?
7. Within the first half hour, the alcoholic hubby was head-butting Hoop in the side repeatedly.
8. When the alcoholic wife saw what her inebriated husband was doing, she laughed and said, "There he goes again." "So he does this often?!"
9. Then the husband ran into the street and started directing traffic.
10. Thankfully, they left soon after. But not before the wife slurred in my ear, "Have I told you how cute your husband is?"
11. Most of Sunday was spent at the auto shop, waiting for my car to be fixed. $336 later, she was as good as used. Yeah, that was a pretty special moment for me.
12. Once back home, I became overwhelmed by the amount of things on my to-do list and I snapped. "I just spent $336 dollars I don't have on a car I can't stand. You would think that would warrant having the rest of the day off!"
13. Hoop stood frozen to the spot, staring in silent horror as all my fuses blew at once.

"I hate laundry! Why do we even wear clothes? We have SKIN! Isn't that good enough? We have to wash our skin, then we have to wash the crap that goes over it? I'm completely out of tampons and all I've had to eat today was a smoothie. But in order to go grocery shopping I have to first run to the store to buy tampons. Then I have to find a bathroom. Finally, once I'm done shopping, it'll be 8 o'clock and I'll have gone all day without a single solid thing in my stomach. Then I have to come home and clean the house!"

14. After he felt reassured that I was past my adult temper tantrum, he sat down on the couch to play video games. I went to the car, barefoot and purse-less.
15. I found my way to the pier down the street and there I sat for over an hour. At one point I remember thinking, "This is nice. Maybe I'll just stay here." As if living on a fishy pier were a sane thing to do.
16. Apparently, Hoop was worried while I was gone. The laundry was started by the time I got home. Then he sat me down on the couch and left for dinner and tampons.
17. Screw bringing home the bacon. I've realized that I'd rather have a man who brings home the tampons. Do you hear that sound? Those are angels singing.
18. Today I got a call from a local hiring agency about a state job I'd applied for. "I need to ask you six qualifying questions. I'm going to read them exactly how they are stated. I can't explain them to you or tell you about them further. Please answer to the best of your ability."
19. "Oh my God. What the hell are they planning on asking me?" I thought, wiping the sweat off my greasy palms.
20. "First, please say and spell your first and last name." I relaxed. After I answered, the woman continued. "Now I'm going to ask you the six questions..." Shit!
21. The six questions ended up being standard yes or no questions that pertained to the hours and pay. But I answered each one completely monotone, afraid they were monitoring the call with a lie-detector.
22. The pay for this position is X-X. Do you find this salary acceptable?" "Yes." "LIAR!"

Tomorrow: Movie Reviews and Awards

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At 20 August, 2007, Blogger Mouse said...

I love the mental image of him watching your fuses blow.. my husband has been avoiding me for the same reason. I'm completely hormonal and we're out of milk - everything I want (cereal, some tea, mashed potatos) requires milk but I'm afraid if I leave the house someone will end up pissing me off and I will spew venom on them. I also shouldn't be allowed unsupervised in the grocery store while I'm both hormonal and hungry. I'll come home with a gallon of milk and a chocolate cake.

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

The important thing is your fuse blowing meltdown got results! And a guy that will go get tampons. THAT is a good man. Or maybe at that point he knew he had no other option. Which again, is the sign of a good man.

At 20 August, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You'll find your ability to keep going in the face of the unending minutiae of being an adult a very valuable skill. Being hard-headed and even a little obstinate will get you through just about any challenge. FIDO (Fuck it, drive on) is one of my personal favorites. I think you are cool.

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger furiousBall said...

I don't know where the cockles are exactly, but I'm pretty mine are sore after riding my bike too long.

At 20 August, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cockles in the thighs, hmmm? I'm going out now to buy some Twinkies to test the theory.

Happy to hear there is alternative work on your horizon!

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

The fact that you needed tampons explains everything else, doesn't it?!

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger mamatulip said...

I thought cockles were in your heart. Like, "It'll warm the cockles of your heart" made me think they were like, a valve or something. But says this:

1. Any of various bivalve mollusks of the family Cardiidae, having rounded or heart-shaped shells with radiating ribs.
2. The shell of a cockle.
3. A wrinkle; a pucker.
4. Nautical A cockleshell.

So yeah.

I had a fuse-blowing tantrum this weekend too, complete with tears. Go us!

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger mrspao said...

Yep, I'm with Mama-T. You are one lucky woman if Tink goes and buys you tampons!

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger Betty said...

I have always heard the saying, "It'll warm the cockles of your heart" - so cockles must be in or near the heart. But, on the outside? Or the inside?

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

I've seen some people living on fishing piers. Can't say they looked like they were enjoying it.

A lie detector over the phone? They can do that?? I'm toast! LOL

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger Lynnea said...

I don't know where or what a cockle is either, but judging by the day you had, the tantrum you threw and all I'm guessing your cockles never got warmed - well except at that precise moment that angels sang and Hoop rode in on his white horse. Nice when they bring those out of the stables now and then isn't it?

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger meno said...

A man who will go out and buy tampons for you is a man worth keeping.

I cringed as i read about the "fun" alcoholic couple. Yuck.

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger Macoosh said...

hahaha, it's so amazing how they can freak you out by just stating the obvious at the beginning of the questions. state regulations for even the simplest of things can be so silly sometimes.

hope you're feeling better and have eaten lots of yummy things since your terrible meltdown. we all have them. i think my whole life is one haha

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Tantrums? I have those too! :)

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger fiwa said...

Congratulations on your awardS!
That is exactly the kind of week - weeks since it's leaking over into this week - that I've been having!
Only I can one up ya - I spent 3k on my p.o.s. car. Bleah.
Good luck with the job interview.

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger Molly said...

Congratulations on the awards. You deserve each and every one. Moreover, congratulations on the Pickled Beef review and being rated as a 10. Smart reviewer that Diva Dee

At 20 August, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A pile of awards, a 10 on your review and a man that loves you enough to buy is good.

Even if you do have to throw a temper tantrum once in a while....

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger Molly said...

I forgot to mention the cockles. I have these two thoughts about cockles.
1. Cockles are clams.
2. Cockles are in your heart. I think there is an old expression. "this will warm the cockles of your heart."

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger Alex said...

Men who buy tampons = golden.

At 20 August, 2007, Blogger eric said...

don't put it past the state to actually have a lie detector set up through the phone.

you guys have had a bush down there, you know.

(wait, that sounds a lot like cockles).

At 21 August, 2007, Blogger Peggy said...

Men who buy the tampons are merely much better at self-preservation than the others. Did you notice how the one small purchase saved his life?

At 21 August, 2007, Blogger Blank said...

If you find the cockles, let us know. I've wondered what/where they are, too.

Maybe they're in the brains of those alcoholics?

Good luck with the job thing.

At 21 August, 2007, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

That meltdown you had? I LOVE Those!
I get all of it out at once while the rest of the house stands perfectly still.

Then I feel better and they tiptoe around me (even the aminals) for a while.
Also? YES! A man who buys tampons is worth his weight in gold, or platinum! or even maybe plutonium!

At 21 August, 2007, Blogger Nettie said...

a good man realizes a good breakdown and goes to buy the tampons. Temper Tantrums can produce awesome responses. You did good.

At 21 August, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is the weirdest thing I've ever hear about the six questions. Why can't they explain them? As if six yes or no questions are going to help them find the best candidate?

At 21 August, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Tink, your love rating was 6.9! Heh!

Also, I meant to mention earlier that I have purchased tampons for my women in BULK, at Sam's Club. Hah!


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