Criminally Good Lookin'
May I present Evidence A: Criminally cute dog.
I'd show you Evidence B, but I really want you guys to come back sometime. Evidence B would be yet another wad of multicolored fabric covered in translucent slobber. I came home today and stared in confusion at the wad of something-inevitably-disgusting at the bottom of Duff's cage. I let him out and continued to prod the mass with a straw. "What the hell did you eat?!" It wasn't until I decided to pick it up with a napkin and Duff's spit started to seep through to my fingers, that I realized exactly what the damn thing was. Underwear.
I have lost 25 pairs of Victoria Secret thongs this year alone... All spoils in my war against the criminally good lookin' dog. There are days I close my eyes and actually imagine getting rid of his underwear eating ass. But then I open my eyes and see this face. How could I possibly resist?
"Fuckin' eat them all Duff... Just leave the ones I'm wearing alone, OK?"