Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Time Wasters Anonymous

But first, an update...

Three steps forward. Two steps back.

That's how I felt as I was unpacking a box of kitchenware this morning, the same box I had packed and taped the night before. It all started yesterday, about the time the plumbers arrived. The AC guy had already given me the wonderful news that we had a snake chopped up in our AC unit. The two plumbers walked in and immediately started pulling on my bathroom fixtures. "Have you ever seen anything like this before?" Eight words that should never come out of a repairman's (or a doctor's) mouth. "And that means?" I called from the hallway. "We're going to have to cut holes." Make that fifteen.

"Is there any way you can fix it without cutting holes in my newly painted walls?" "We can reach through and tie them off, but it's not going to last forever." "I don't need 'forever,' I need 'fixed.' The house is closing in two weeks." One hour later they were done. "I went ahead and did a free inspection for you," the head plumber announced. "But I already have an inspection. Hence the reason you guys are here." He shrugged and handed over a little piece of paper that stated in bold red pen, "Needs to be replaced." "I can't give this to the buyers! It'll look like I didn't get anything repaired." He shrugged again and handed me the bill. "Oh, and you can't use the showers for 24 hours."

So there I was at seven this morning, without coffee and the means for bathing. Then I got the bright idea of filling a huge cooking pot with hot water. The pioneers did it. "Fuck!" I yelled from the kitchen as I stared into an empty cabinet. I'm sure the pioneers DIDN'T use the word "fuck." "I packed them all!" Hoop ran out from the bathroom armed with a comb and a bottle of hairspray. "Aw, babe. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better I can't get my hair to lie flat." He had cowlicks on every angle of his head. Sacrifices must be made. So without mercy or regret I tore into one of the boxes. Then I filled my pot and took it into the shower. At least I could pretend I was having a normal morning.

Join The Club:
Thanks to
Graymama's article about Male Lactation, I have officially wasted a full morning clicking on random links to equally random and odd articles. Won't you join me in our first official meeting of TWA?

Behold, a man who was "pregnant" with his own twin.
2. A child psychologist who is pregnant with her third child at the age of
3. The
origin of the term, "Jumping the shark."
4. A NYC cop tests positive for
drugs after eating marijuana meatballs.
5. Did you know Garden
Gnomes have their own liberation front? Hundreds have been stolen liberated from their homes over the last year! The people are now fighting back with sites like "Gnomes Without Homes" to find their missing lawn furniture friends.
Chupacabra sightings in Texas? No one seems to know what this beast really is.

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 13 Days


At 08 November, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

Cooking Pot showering, very clever - and much better than spending your day in yesterday's stink. LOL

Snake in the HVAC? Blech! But better than in the bed. Oh wait, that would depend on the type of snake. Oh, never mind.........

I'm babbling.......

At 08 November, 2006, Blogger Gracey said...

The horrors of moving....I can relate since I just did it a few weeks back. We lived in our completely empty house for four days before our tenants came in to rent the house from us. I was never happier to see a hotel when we finally left the house. It will soon be over Tink!

At 08 November, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

You seriously need to put a warning out for me when you are going to post something gross (chopped up snake). This is the second time I have tried to eat while reading your site, and lost my appetite! LOL! (I guess it also does not help that I am sick today).

Hopefully, things will go smoothing with the move soon! :) Hey, it will!

At 08 November, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

Chopped snake and cans of boiling water make for a great soup ;)

And great that you could do some research on male lactation. I hope you'll take the time to provide us with a tutorial. It'd be handy to have a natural Camelbak ;)

At 08 November, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

I'm trying to be sympathetic. Really, I am. But I keep getting back to "The house is closing in two weeks." Nope, nope, not feeling very charitable...

(Cowlicks are adorable! I've always wanted cowlicks and gap between my front teeth...)

At 08 November, 2006, Anonymous OddMix said...

Sorry things are rough right now.

You should try taking a shower in a dessert under a 5 gallon can of luke warm water.

At 08 November, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Newt: Now I'm having mental images of another kind of "snake" in bed... Hmm, I should probably take a shower first.

Gracey: Moving sucks. I told Hoop we're not doing it again for awhile... Or until we're rich enough to hire someone to do all the dirty work. :)

Chelle Y: Sorry Chelle! I'm going to go ahead and officially state now, "Warning: This site is subject to discussions about gross and perverted topics... always. Do not read if eating or thinking of eating an hour after reading. Thank you, that is all."

Mike Y: LMAO! A natural camelback. That is just disturbing dude.

Mignon: Don't you know? House selling is like periods. Ours with sync up soon. Just watch, you'll have an offer on the table within a month!

Oddmix: How 'bout NO. Tell me that was just a metephor and not something the military made you do.

At 08 November, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

A snake in the air conditioning?! Ewwwww. Um, do you have to use your "helpful" plumber's inspection?? Grrr.

Oh, did you allow Hoop to dunk his crazy hair in yer bucket? ;)

At 08 November, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

I live in a very rural area and at least once a moth they issue a "boil order" for some part of the county. I would always laugh at the people who would come into work complaining about having to boil all their bathing water.

At 08 November, 2006, Blogger gawilli said...

Well I had lots to say until I got to the part about the man who was pregnant with his own twin. Wow. I'm speechless.

At 08 November, 2006, Blogger Lucia said...

I wish you were kidding about the chopped snake.

AND, I'm sure some pioneer somewhere said fuck (and I'm going to believe it even if it isn't true.)

At 09 November, 2006, Blogger graymama said...

I hope that snakes aren't one of your totem animals.

Thanks for the link! Glad I could add to your morning reading :-P

At 09 November, 2006, Blogger J-Funk said...

Moving SUCKS. I got stressed out just reading your blog about it. I'm going to have to go meditate now to find my inner peace and recover.

At 09 November, 2006, Blogger Jess Riley said...

I once saw a lawn sculpture of two metal monsters carrying off a garden gnome. It was hilarious. :)

Hang in there with the whole moving thing. One box at a time...

At 10 November, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Chris: >>Um, do you have to use your "helpful" plumber's inspection??<< I hope not. I think I'm going to "accidentally" lose it before the final walkthrough.

>>Did you allow Hoop to dunk his crazy hair in yer bucket?<< No way! He can get his OWN bucket.

Jay: I hear about that around here too. Fortunately I've never had to do it. Why do they have the "boil orders" anyway?

Gawilli: I'm always good for the disturbing stuff. :)

Lucia: I'm very tempted to look up what cuss words they used back then. If not "fuck" than what?

Graymama: I hope not either! When I was little, an Indian woman named me Snow Rabbit. I guess that could be my totem animal. I just don't FEEL like a rabbit, ya know?

J-Funk: Last night Hoop told me, "We're never ever moving again!" So apparently he agrees.

Jess: I want that lawn sculpture!

At 14 November, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

Gosh they take moving much more seriously than they do here - we try and hide all the faults and move as far away as possible!!


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