Time Wasters Anonymous

But first, an update...

Three steps forward. Two steps back.

That's how I felt as I was unpacking a box of kitchenware this morning, the same box I had packed and taped the night before. It all started yesterday, about the time the plumbers arrived. The AC guy had already given me the wonderful news that we had a snake chopped up in our AC unit. The two plumbers walked in and immediately started pulling on my bathroom fixtures. "Have you ever seen anything like this before?" Eight words that should never come out of a repairman's (or a doctor's) mouth. "And that means?" I called from the hallway. "We're going to have to cut holes." Make that fifteen.

"Is there any way you can fix it without cutting holes in my newly painted walls?" "We can reach through and tie them off, but it's not going to last forever." "I don't need 'forever,' I need 'fixed.' The house is closing in two weeks." One hour later they were done. "I went ahead and did a free inspection for you," the head plumber announced. "But I already have an inspection. Hence the reason you guys are here." He shrugged and handed over a little piece of paper that stated in bold red pen, "Needs to be replaced." "I can't give this to the buyers! It'll look like I didn't get anything repaired." He shrugged again and handed me the bill. "Oh, and you can't use the showers for 24 hours."

So there I was at seven this morning, without coffee and the means for bathing. Then I got the bright idea of filling a huge cooking pot with hot water. The pioneers did it. "Fuck!" I yelled from the kitchen as I stared into an empty cabinet. I'm sure the pioneers DIDN'T use the word "fuck." "I packed them all!" Hoop ran out from the bathroom armed with a comb and a bottle of hairspray. "Aw, babe. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better I can't get my hair to lie flat." He had cowlicks on every angle of his head. Sacrifices must be made. So without mercy or regret I tore into one of the boxes. Then I filled my pot and took it into the shower. At least I could pretend I was having a normal morning.

Join The Club:
Thanks to Graymama's article about Male Lactation, I have officially wasted a full morning clicking on random links to equally random and odd articles. Won't you join me in our first official meeting of TWA?

1. Behold, a man who was "pregnant" with his own twin.
2. A child psychologist who is pregnant with her third child at the age of 63.
3. The origin of the term, "Jumping the shark."
4. A NYC cop tests positive for drugs after eating marijuana meatballs.
5. Did you know Garden Gnomes have their own liberation front? Hundreds have been stolen liberated from their homes over the last year! The people are now fighting back with sites like "Gnomes Without Homes" to find their missing lawn furniture friends.
6. Chupacabra sightings in Texas? No one seems to know what this beast really is.

Countdown Until Hoop And I Are Homeless: 13 Days