Homeless For The Holidays

Yesterday, after everything had been straightened out with my Realtor and the contract had been signed, I was notified that there was an inspector at my house. I've been well informed of what an inspection entails. I just thought I'd get more notice. I couldn't help the overwhelming feeling of panic and anger that came over me. For lack of a better description, I felt violated.

The night before I had woken up to the tell tale sound of a dog gagging. For a split second I weighed the option of throwing Duff off the bed and onto the floor. "But then I'll have to clean the carpet." So I let him puke all over us. What I didn't know was that he'd eaten massive amounts of shit (literally) before we'd gone to bed. As I rolled over to wake Hoop up, I stuck my hand straight into a pile of gritty goo.

After Hoop had crawled out of bed, I got up to turn on the lights. It looked like someone's ass had exploded. I almost started crying. Fortunately I was too tired to drum up anything more than determination. "What are we going to do?" Hoop mumbled sleepily. "Get in the guest bed," I barked while pulling off the ruined sheets. It was 1 o'clock in the morning.

Now let's go back forward to that phone call. The moment my Realtor mentioned the inspection, I instantly thought of those stinky sheets. Part of them were in the wash. The other half was ON the washing machine. I hadn't had time to air out the house either. For three hours I thought of little else. Until lunch rolled around. I called my Realtor in hopes of some news. "Oh yeah. They've postponed it until tomorrow."

Of course they had!

After the 21st of next month, Hoop and I will be homeless. Hopefully we'll find a new house before that happens. For the moment I'm focusing on where to stash our things, and who might be able to take the dogs. How much notice do the utility companies need to get things shut off on time? How far can we go without making the drive to work impossible for both Hoop and I? The list keeps piling up. And yet... I'm anxious, but I'm not overly worried. I have no doubt we'll be OK. It'll be a great adventure. I just hope we're not homeless for Christmas. Because I refuse to go without a tree.

And it would look awfully funny on top of my car.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(While placing an order at McDonalds)
Cashier: You two have the exact same eyes!
Hoop: Uh... Thanks?
(On the way out)
Tink: Hoop?
Hoop: Yes?
Tink: There's something I need to confess.
Hoop: What's that?
Tink: We're... distantly related cousins. *Sigh*
Hoop: Damn it! You know our kids are going to be born with three arms now.
Tink: I know. We're going to spend a fortune in arm removal surgery.
Hoop: And that bothers you more than the incest?
Tink: Well, I DO love you. So as I see it, you're stuck with me now, three-armed kids and all.

Hoop Quote Of The Day:
(While almosts getting sideswiped by another car)
Fuck me up the Donkey ass!

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
(As the dog bounds across the yard)
Hoop: Duff, you're like the Mini Clydesdale to the German Shepard.
Tink: ...
Hoop: ...
Tink: WHAT?
Hoop: I don't know. It sounded smart.

(While at a faculty dinner with Hoop's new company)

Around The Water Cooler:
Hoop: This is my girlfriend Tink.
Coworker: Nice to meet you!
Tink: Good to meet you too.
Coworker: What do you do for a living?
Tink: I work as a Training Coordinator, among other things.
Hoop: That's how we met.
Coworker: Awesome!
Tink: Yeah, I trained him.
Hoop: She taught me how to do my job too.
Tink: *Snort*
Coworker: Huh? *Confused look* Ohhhh. I get it now!

Around The Water Cooler 2:
Coworker: I wish I'd brought my camera.
Tink: I have one!
Coworker: You do? Wow! That's great.
Hoop: She is great. That's why I hired her for the night.
Tink: Yeah, I was the "Come Prepared" package.
Hoop: By the way, what time do I need to get you back?
Coworker: *Blink*