Tuesday, October 24, 2006

No Vacancy

My brain is rebelling.

I feel like I have three Yiddish mother's harbored in my head. They're all chattering away and I can't understand a damn thing they're saying.

We have a meeting tonight. Translation, tons of work for me and a free dinner for everyone else. Every quarter I spend two days creating a 200 slide presentation that gets chopped down to 80 slides five minutes before the meeting. While everyone else gets to enjoy their food, I'm eating my nails and hurriedly cutting and splicing things I spent hours trying to get "just right."

Two meetings into the job I asked my boss, "Can I skip this one? I already know what it's all about." He looked at me like I'd grown three boobs. After I'd diverted his attention back up to my eyes, he replied "You're part of the team. You need to attend." I'm the only chick, among 30-something men. Maybe I'm filling a quota? "You must have an equal number of races... and one token woman."

We have an offer on the house. Better yet, it's a DECENT offer. I've been back and forth with Satan my Realtor all day. Evidently these buyers are getting 100% financing. Which means their bank will only cover the cost of the house, not the closing fees. "The obvious way around this," my Realtor chimed, "would be to up the asking price by five grand and have you pay the closing costs." Did you notice the catch? It's written across the dagger sticking out of my back.

That increases her commission.

Sneaky little bitch isn't she? After it dawned on me I called her back. "As I'm sure you've realized, this raises your cut." She didn't even have the courtesy to act surprised. "This doesn't have anything to do with that honey." My teeth grit down on the sentiment. "So it wasn't your suggestion?" She paused. "It was. But you want this deal to go through don't you?" What I want is to pay her exactly what she's worth, $.83... And would you believe it? That's the precise amount of change I have in my purse right now. It's a sign!

On a brighter note, we may be moving soon!

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: I got all the way to work this morning before I realized I was an hour early.
Tink: Oh no! So what did you do?
Hoop: Do you promise not to think less of me?
Tink: Of course.
Hoop: I pulled into a parking space and played my PSP.
Tink: That's better then pulling into a parking space and jacking off.
Hoop: What? How does your mind make that leap?
Tink: You're the dude. How does yours NOT?

Hoop Quote Of The Day:
Hoop: *Yells in his sleep* Time for a cigarette!

October Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. Que Sera Balls (That will be balls) WTF?
2. Stinky Dumpster Diving It's rarely pleasant. Might I suggest "cardboard only" bins?
3. birthday spanking birthday spanking "pinch"
4. "irrational fear of midgets"


At 24 October, 2006, Anonymous Chelle P said...

Hate the Realtor. Love the idea of you selling! Fingers crossed for ya!

At 24 October, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

First of all Congratulations!

And secondly, Oh HELL no. You don't have to up the list price to offer to pay the closing costs. Do not let her do that to you. If you want to put a contingency to pay closing costs, you can add it to the contract. Also, I don't necessarily think you should, especially if they've already made a good offer that doesn't stipulate that you pay the closing costs. Why would she even bring that up?

At 24 October, 2006, Blogger Kim: The Mom, The Myth said...

The only thing that sucks worse than buying a house is selling one.

I wouldn't agree to jack shit unless the buyers present it in writing. And I'd see about cancelling your contract with that sorry excuse of a realtor. Call her broker.

Sorry, Tink.

At 24 October, 2006, Anonymous mamatulip said...

I'm with Kim on this one. What gets me the most is that she called you 'honey'. Totally unprofessional and more than mildly degrading.

Hoop's Quote of the Day had me LMAO. Seriously. I read it and started hacking, then choking...

At 24 October, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

Tink: That's great news on the house. And while I know you cannot stand the realtor, don't be too reactionary against what's being asked for.

True, your realtor is a leach. Most are. But you're really being asked by the buyer to do them a favor. And this practice is very customary, especially in the current wave of 100% financed deals.

I agree you should get it in writing before you do anything, but you can also increase the price to not only cover the closing fees for them, but also the added commission so that you get the desired cash in hand that you really desire. If you approach it from that standpoint with the buyer, you should both be able to win. Now, depending on their viability, this may or may not be an issue for them. If the added price jeopardizes their abilty to get the loan, then it's in your agent's interest to also compromise some.

Anyway, I suck at all of this realty crap. I'd much rather stick to technology. I wish you all the best on this.

And... how in the world DID you make that mental jump from PSP to jacking off??? LOL! I'm a guy too and I don't think such a thought ever occurred to me. ;)

At 24 October, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Yeah right, Mike! :)

Tink: That's great about the house and so funny about Hoop's comment! Hehe! Did you give him one?

At 24 October, 2006, Blogger Peevish said...

I'm with Tink here - that would be where my mind would have jumped, too!

At 24 October, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

I really hate realtors. I have more respect for used car salesmen.

Congrats on the offer though. I don't have any useful advice on what to do now. I know, that's never stopped me before. haha

Honestly, when you said Hoop pulled into a parking lot I thought you were going to say he took a nap.

At 24 October, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

Ok, no house thoughts from me. The hubster had just bought the house we are in when we met. So I haven't had the pleasure.

But as for what Hoop did with his extra hour. Yeah, that went through my mind too :-)

Thanks for the giggle.

At 24 October, 2006, Blogger mjd said...

I sorry that I have no advice about selling your house; we have lived in the same house for 34 years. Eventually, (soon) we will have to move, but I know nothing of buying and selling houses. However, getting a decent offer is good news. $.83 does seem like a good commission. If the deal goes through, maybe you might be generous and give her a whole dollar.

At 24 October, 2006, Blogger gawilli said...

Hope your offer turns out well. I know what it's like to wait out a sale.

I thought Hoop was going to take a nap too! The daylight is so long in coming now, we thought for a minute we got up to early this morning. It was still dark when I left the house. I could have done with a nap.

At 24 October, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

I'm struggling with the Realtor's suggestion that you RAISE the asking price with an offer on the table, as a way to cover clsoing costs. That makes absolutely no sense to me; the folks who made the offer are expecting you to come TOWARDS their asking price, not farther away from it! Assuming there really is no love to be lost between you and this Realtor, I would go with a suggestion above and try to present this complaint, along with any others you have and which you can document about her service, to her broker. This is a suggestion to shoot yourself in the ass, if not to negotiate in bad faith. Hopefully you'll get some sort of response from that person.
Perhaps your Realtor would be willing to forgo some of her commission as a concession to the buyers' closing costs? (HA!) By the way, what is the practice in that area for who pays the closing costs? Has the Realtor explained that to you?
Not to be pessimistic, but 100% financing for your buyers means you had better be prepared for them to be at the mercy of their lender, which means you will be at that lender's mercy too. When the lenders go this route, they insist on calling the shots, and there's a lot that can go wrong when the buyers ain't got no jack, and thus no leverage.
Whatever you do, don't agree to owner finance any of it, unless you can afford to just lose that money in the near future. Wait for another buyer if that comes up.
Definitely get everything in writing.
Of course, none of this is legal advice, my dear. Sweet Jebus, I wish I was licensed in Florida.

At 25 October, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Yay for selling the house. I can't believe that realtor though - I mean, these days, it's grounds for a discrimination lawsuit to "honey" someone.

At 25 October, 2006, Anonymous Sarah said...

1. Minor point: Jewish mothers. There are no "Yiddish mothers." Yiddish is a language, not a culture. But having three Jewish mothers yammering in your brain? Man. I'd go mad.

2. In our part of the country, where it is cold and windy, the housing market is equally cold and windy. I'm guessing that your buyers do not have the wherewithal to cover their own closing costs?

My question is this: do you have an attorney who is working with you on this transaction, an attorney that you trust? I'm unfamiliar with real estate laws, but you could perhaps pay the closing costs separately from the total price of the house, thereby cutting her out of additional commission, and still getting the sale on, which is the ultimate goal anyway.

If she's really as snakey as she seems, she'll get what's coming to her eventually. Don't worry about that- even if it's just you telling one person not to use her, it'll spread to larger consequences.

Having worked with four outstanding realtors in my lifetime, I'm so sorry you got stuck with one who is shady and not working in your interests.

At 25 October, 2006, Anonymous susan said...

Some realtors really STINK!

My parents are trying to sell their house. They went to an open house (at their house...they've been renting it out) and the agent there was pointing out all the bad stuff and bad mouthing the owners! (my parents!) How's that supposed to sell a house?

Karma's going to bite them all!

At 25 October, 2006, Blogger Lucia said...

Yiddish mother #1: C'mon, TEAMS don't belong at work. Who came up with this ridiculous language in the first place? Call me a team member and I'll run across the pitch.

Yiddish mother #2: WTF? Of COURSE she's thinking about her cut.

Yiddish mother #3: Not to be ignorant, but what the hell is a PSP? (I know what it's NOT, but not what it IS.)

At 25 October, 2006, Blogger Useless Man said...

I've used that same Realtor I believe.

I also believe that the irrational fear of midgets search may have been my brother...

At 26 October, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

*kicks realtor for you*

Did Hoop REALLY yell that in his sleep?!

At 27 October, 2006, Blogger FA said...

Ahhh realtors...insert something cruel but witty here. (It's Friday night, I have no witty left.) But congrats on the offer.


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