Stretched so thin...
...there are holes in my skin.
In ten days it'll be my 24th birthday. I'm not even the slightest bit excited. I wish no one else cared either. Getting older doesn't bother me. I don't mind the attention. I like the cheesy cards and the extra large slices of cake. I guess it's just that it feels so damn inconvenient. Everyone keeps asking me what I want. They think my shrugs and replies of "nothing" are polite. I have everything and everyone in my life that I want. What I need is a little piece of mind. Can you buy that at Hallmark? I'd like a case or two.
Two nights ago I walked in on whispers. Everyone at the table immediately shut up and smiled mischievously. Do you know what my first thought was? "How can they think of birthdays when there is loan paperwork to sign and insurance companies to call?" Yeah... That felt like a two bottle moment. I've begun looking at my life through beer goggles. Each stressor gets awarded a shot or bottle of alcohol. I may not be able to drink whenever I want in real life... but I can sure as hell work my way towards a nice mental buzz.
Today I'm half way to tipsy. I'm hoping to be mentally drunk by five.
5 Minutes Of Random Thought:
Start. Uck. My mouth tastes like ASS. Not that I know what ass tastes like. But I can imagine. Our sense of taste and smell are odd mechanisms. It's the reason I can't eat yellow Pez. Not because they taste like ass too. But because they taste how Lemon Pledge smells, and I refuse to eat wood cleaner. I wasn't that much into paste or paint chips as a kid. Why start eating strange things now? And why don't our own body smells bother us as much as other people's do? Are there receptors in our nose that can tell the difference? They sit up there just waiting for the next mystery guest. "What is that?" "I think it's a dirty sock." "Is it someone else's?" "Nope, it's ours." "Quick! Send Brain the 'smells like roses' message!" I've seen my brothers sit in a cloud of their own funk and act completely unfazed. Pffft, act. They AREN'T fazed. So of course I don't realize what I'm walking into until it's too late. Do they make smell-o-meters? It would be a handy thing to install in the next house. End.
January Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. is there something in gummy bears that make your boobs grow?
2. puking cat alarm clock For those really heavy sleepers.
3. runaway boobs I'm looking to adopt!
4. yodel in the canyon of love
Have a great weekend!