Friday, January 19, 2007

Stretched so thin...

...there are holes in my skin.

In ten days it'll be my 24th birthday. I'm not even the slightest bit excited. I wish no one else cared either. Getting older doesn't bother me. I don't mind the attention. I like the cheesy cards and the extra large slices of cake. I guess it's just that it feels so damn inconvenient. Everyone keeps asking me what I want. They think my shrugs and replies of "nothing" are polite. I have everything and everyone in my life that I want. What I need is a little piece of mind. Can you buy that at Hallmark? I'd like a case or two.

Two nights ago I walked in on whispers. Everyone at the table immediately shut up and smiled mischievously. Do you know what my first thought was? "How can they think of birthdays when there is loan paperwork to sign and insurance companies to call?" Yeah... That felt like a two bottle moment. I've begun looking at my life through beer goggles. Each stressor gets awarded a shot or bottle of alcohol. I may not be able to drink whenever I want in real life... but I can sure as hell work my way towards a nice mental buzz.

Today I'm half way to tipsy. I'm hoping to be mentally drunk by five.

5 Minutes Of Random Thought:
Start. Uck. My mouth tastes like ASS. Not that I know what ass tastes like. But I can imagine. Our sense of taste and smell are odd mechanisms. It's the reason I can't eat yellow Pez. Not because they taste like ass too. But because they taste how Lemon Pledge smells, and I refuse to eat wood cleaner. I wasn't that much into paste or paint chips as a kid. Why start eating strange things now? And why don't our own body smells bother us as much as other people's do? Are there receptors in our nose that can tell the difference? They sit up there just waiting for the next mystery guest. "What is that?" "I think it's a dirty sock." "Is it someone else's?" "Nope, it's ours." "Quick! Send Brain the 'smells like roses' message!" I've seen my brothers sit in a cloud of their own funk and act completely unfazed. Pffft, act. They AREN'T fazed. So of course I don't realize what I'm walking into until it's too late. Do they make smell-o-meters? It would be a handy thing to install in the next house. End.

January Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. is there something in gummy bears that make your boobs grow?
2. puking cat alarm clock For those really heavy sleepers.
3. runaway boobs I'm looking to adopt!
4. yodel in the canyon of love

Have a great weekend!

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At 19 January, 2007, Blogger Jay said...

"yodel in the canyon of love" .. I still love that one. Your blog will forever be linked to that line.

I'm not much for birthdays either. Well, not mine anyway.

At 19 January, 2007, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

I'll drink with you!

At 19 January, 2007, Blogger Gracey said...

Maybe they are planning a surprise birthday party for you??? :) That would be fun and then you could get into your mental buzz for sure.

At 19 January, 2007, Blogger Betty said...

You're right about "smells". I can't drink scotch because to me it tastes like Chanel #5 smells. Go figure.

At 19 January, 2007, Blogger Chris said...

I'm reading a book right now that is VERY descriptive of smells, although some of the descriptions are really odd. For example, the smell of a male person being described as "yeasty and custardy." Huh?

At 19 January, 2007, Anonymous susan said...

Whatever I was going to say is gone..I'm kinda stuck on a man being Yeasty and custardy. Eeewwwwww!

You have got to be the most grounded almost 24 year old I know. There are very few 40 year olds that can honestly say they are content. No wonder everyone wants to do something for you.

At 19 January, 2007, Blogger Newt said...

It's the weekend. Time to enjoy a real buzzzzz. Here's what you need to do: get a nice big blanket, a 6 pack of beer, some soda, and a Hoop. Go to the beach. And then enjoy the ocean, the cool air, and the Hoop while drinking and sand dancing yourself into a nice fuzzy buzz. Hoop can enjoy the soda. He's the DD for the night.


At 19 January, 2007, Anonymous Ch3ll3 said...

I think it's neat that your fam is planning something for your birthday...however clumsy the attempt may seem. Clearly, they're doing it because they love you and haven't figured out yet how to bottle "piece of mind". :o)

As for the stress that's happening right now, let's play a little game of Pollyanna to cope, k? Here it goes:
-be thankful you are not ALSO coping with screaming kids and dirty diapers
-it could be a lot could be in a situation where buying a house is totally out of the question
-you have a wonderful group of people around you to put in their 2 cents...for what it's worth. There are some folks who go through this whole process ALONE

Also, my own 2 cents: I really hope you find a way to cope with life's stresses (such as buying a house) without the aid of mental or real buzzes 'cause it's good to figure out how to unwind NOW instead of when you're 43 and dying of a heart attack and wishing you'd taken some time to just chill...

At 19 January, 2007, Blogger gawilli said...

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to give someone a little peace of mind? I would totally ask for that. And I particularly like the idea of a mental buzz.

At 20 January, 2007, Blogger meno said...

You are going to be 24, and getting older doesn't bother you? Just you wait young lady, just you wait.

My mother got my brother a llama for Christmas. It one of those things where you donate the llama to a family that can then sell the fur and breed it. I thought that was a pretty cool present.

At 20 January, 2007, Anonymous mamatulip said...

Aw, Tink...I'm sorry it's been tough as of late. I know it's hard, and tiring, and exhausting. Hang in'll get through this and it will end up a blur, like the newborn days are. That's why people want to have kids again and move again - because they block out the bad shit. It's true.

At 20 January, 2007, Blogger mjd said...

I wish you Peace and peace of mind.If that does not work, maybe you can give somebody a piece of your mind. Perchance, we can all join you in a mental buzz.

At 21 January, 2007, Blogger Alex said...

(why can't you drink?)

At 21 January, 2007, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I have never understood the whole Pez thing. They are the crappiest pieces of candy in the world.

Get excited about your birthday. Man, if I was going to be 24 (again!) I would be lovin' it!!

At 22 January, 2007, Anonymous lily said...

I like Pez. maybe its the novelty of it.

I am floored that you are so young, Tink!!! You have a lot of "wherewithall" for a youngster!

At 22 January, 2007, Blogger EE said...

Oooo! A MENTAL buzz...I like that! That's a great idea, lol!!!

At 22 January, 2007, Blogger graymama said...

Hubby and I have been together so long that now our smells are the same. I am not sure why. Maybe it is like when women live together, and their cycles become the same.

Here's a glass of mental buzz to toast your future peace of mind :-)

At 30 January, 2007, Anonymous TB said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel girl. House stuff is the most stressful thing in life. I'm not kidding. I haven't lost a minute's sleep thinking about the fact that we're having a baby in 12 weeks, but ever since we found this house and have been running numbers and going through the process of putting an offer together, I can't sleep at all.

I really like the idea of mentally drunk too. That's all I've got right now :o)

Hang in there, it will get easier a little tiny bit at a time. I feel you.


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