A Snotty Post

The first thing Hoop did when he woke up from anesthesia was tweak my boob and tell me to close the door. No, I'm not kidding. He doesn't remember a bit of it either. When the receptionist called me back to collect him, she directed me to what I initially thought was a closet. There was barely enough space in the "room" to squeeze past the bed. "How'd they get you in here, babe?" I asked after awhile. "Maybe the doctor carried me?" Hoop said. "Then he kissed me on the forehead and told me I did well." "Oh yeah?" "Hey, what's that?" He said, reaching for a blood pressure monitor.

The dentist walked in just as Hoop was trying to roll the aneroid monitor back up. "What are you doing?" The dentist snapped, grabbing the device out of Hoop's hands. How do people with no sense of humor get into a field dealing with people? Wouldn't they be better suited to deal with lumber or car parts or something? Sheesh. "Can I have my teeth?" Hoop asked. "No," the dentist snapped again. "It's against health code." Then he handed me a prescription note and walked out the door. Charming person, really. "Ask for more Valium," Hoop hissed as the nurse came back in to give us instructions.

"Make sure he doesn't talk..." Said as Hoop was blah-blah-blahing in the background. "Make sure he doesn't eat anything dairy for the next few hours..." Shit, everything we bought had milk in it! "Call us if you have any problems." Sure thing Ms. Personality. She talked to me as if I were a small child or someone too incompetent to function. "Are you driving?" She asked, implying she didn't think me capable. "Yes-" "-Fine. I'll walk him out back." Like Hoop were a parcel for me to pick up. "I can walk," Hoop said, getting to his feet. "I don't think so," She said, pressing him back down on bed again.

When I pulled up the car, the nurse opened the door and then strapped Hoop in. Then she watched me as I maneuvered a backwards three-point turn. No pressure or anything. Hoop chatted cheerfully the entire way back. I tried to get him to lie down when we got home, but he was having none of it. So we hopped back in the car to pick up movies. That afternoon, two movies and four Vicodins (for Hoop) later, I was feeling worse and he was feeling much better. While I napped, he cleaned out the garage. I awoke some time later to him unpacking my boxes of clothes into the dresser.

"What are you doing?" I mumbled. "I never knew you had such nice clothes! Look at this shirt babe. Here, try it on." Apparently downers make Hoop very hyper. It was a blessing that he felt no pain, because very shortly I would be. I'm still embarrassed that I made such a lousy nurse. I ended up crashing out at nine and didn't wake up again until this morning. I'm feeling slightly better now. Although everything I eat tastes like snot. Snot coffee. Snot soup. Snot Twinkies. Mmmm. Don't you wish you could be like me? You can! I just sneezed on the screen.

P.S. Don't forget the WWC words this week are PRIDE and CIRCLE. Happy clicking!

Have a speldiferous weekend Homebloys!