Friday, January 25, 2008

A Snotty Post

The first thing Hoop did when he woke up from anesthesia was tweak my boob and tell me to close the door. No, I'm not kidding. He doesn't remember a bit of it either. When the receptionist called me back to collect him, she directed me to what I initially thought was a closet. There was barely enough space in the "room" to squeeze past the bed. "How'd they get you in here, babe?" I asked after awhile. "Maybe the doctor carried me?" Hoop said. "Then he kissed me on the forehead and told me I did well." "Oh yeah?" "Hey, what's that?" He said, reaching for a blood pressure monitor.

The dentist walked in just as Hoop was trying to roll the aneroid monitor back up. "What are you doing?" The dentist snapped, grabbing the device out of Hoop's hands. How do people with no sense of humor get into a field dealing with people? Wouldn't they be better suited to deal with lumber or car parts or something? Sheesh. "Can I have my teeth?" Hoop asked. "No," the dentist snapped again. "It's against health code." Then he handed me a prescription note and walked out the door. Charming person, really. "Ask for more Valium," Hoop hissed as the nurse came back in to give us instructions.

"Make sure he doesn't talk..." Said as Hoop was blah-blah-blahing in the background. "Make sure he doesn't eat anything dairy for the next few hours..." Shit, everything we bought had milk in it! "Call us if you have any problems." Sure thing Ms. Personality. She talked to me as if I were a small child or someone too incompetent to function. "Are you driving?" She asked, implying she didn't think me capable. "Yes-" "-Fine. I'll walk him out back." Like Hoop were a parcel for me to pick up. "I can walk," Hoop said, getting to his feet. "I don't think so," She said, pressing him back down on bed again.

When I pulled up the car, the nurse opened the door and then strapped Hoop in. Then she watched me as I maneuvered a backwards three-point turn. No pressure or anything. Hoop chatted cheerfully the entire way back. I tried to get him to lie down when we got home, but he was having none of it. So we hopped back in the car to pick up movies. That afternoon, two movies and four Vicodins (for Hoop) later, I was feeling worse and he was feeling much better. While I napped, he cleaned out the garage. I awoke some time later to him unpacking my boxes of clothes into the dresser.

"What are you doing?" I mumbled. "I never knew you had such nice clothes! Look at this shirt babe. Here, try it on." Apparently downers make Hoop very hyper. It was a blessing that he felt no pain, because very shortly I would be. I'm still embarrassed that I made such a lousy nurse. I ended up crashing out at nine and didn't wake up again until this morning. I'm feeling slightly better now. Although everything I eat tastes like snot. Snot coffee. Snot soup. Snot Twinkies. Mmmm. Don't you wish you could be like me? You can! I just sneezed on the screen.

P.S. Don't forget the
WWC words this week are PRIDE and CIRCLE. Happy clicking!

Have a speldiferous weekend Homebloys!



At 25 January, 2008, Blogger furiousBall said...

Sorry to hear you're not feeling well. I think Hoop should tweak the boobs some more and you'll be feeling better in no time.

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Gordo said...

Yummmm ... Snot twinkies!

At least Hoop is dealing well with it. My brother had his out at 18 and my Mom has a picture of him in the bed curled up with a teddy bear the size of his head. LOL

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Jay said...

I think all doctors and nurses go to asshole class. Just to make sure they don't have any sense of humor left when they graduate.

Glad that Hoop is doing okay! Don't mix too much vodka with those vicodins!

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger The Mama Bear said...

I don't know my dentist is nice. Hoop sure reacts odd to vicodin....I'd be crashed.
He can come clean my house.
You feel better soon!
Mama Bear

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Sparkling Red said...

That's part of Murphy's Law: both halves of a couple have to need care at the same time. It would be too simple to get sick consecutively so you could look after each other.

Feel better soon!

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger LL said...

First thing he did, eh? Well... at least he has his priorities straight... ;)

This next little bit is actually based on your last post so... Steak is the right answer for most every question.

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Jo said...

Sorry you're sick, but at least your "nurse" is super happy & full of energy. I need to slip some Vicodins into Rene's food b/c the garage needs cleaning!

Hope you're snot-free soon :)

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Maggie said...

Too bad you didn't sneeze on the nurse and doctor. Hate people like that.

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Reb said...

Oh, poor Tink, I hope you feel better soon. I have the same kind of reaction as Hoop, Morphine + me = Energizer Bunny. Well, until I turn allergic and break out in hives that is.

At 25 January, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The nurse had a strap on????

What kind of freak dentist was this?!?!?!?!?


At 25 January, 2008, Blogger mamatulip said...

I hope you're not getting sick. I have been sicker than a muthafucka this week. Sending healing vibes to you. :)

When I got my teeth pulled I was so stoned when I woke up. I remember walking out to the car and seeing my reflection in the car's window. It was all wonky and made me look really wide and I shouted, "HOLY SHIT! I'M HUUUUUUUUGE!"

Then I went home and started puking. Good times. I'm glad Hoop's taking it better than I did.

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Spamboy said...

Hoop is all hopped up on goofballs. :) Hope he gets well soon. How unwise is he now -- two teeth removed, or four?

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger meno said...

I'm going to give you my favorite line for asshole medical professionals:

"Congratulations, i see your humorectomy was a complete success."

Use it freely.

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Farmer*swife said...

I HATE feeling that way. UGGH! And, I have a severe phobia of snot. I've learned to handle my own children's because it's a "parenting" requirement.

But, as for everyone else INCLUDING myself, I have to fight off the heaves.

Hey! Got my "pride" pic, just gotta' work on the "circle."

At 25 January, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, Tink, all you need is some mucinex and you'll feel alllll better in the morning, okey dokey? Just swallow the pill like a big girl and take a wittle nap. Nighty night!

Just practicing for when I become a hygienist =) How am I doin?

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger fiwa said...

By the end of the post my nose was itching, I wanted to sneeze so bad. I felt that same way after having mine removed, but then it hit me like a hammer the next day. Hope Hoop and you both are feeling better.

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Newt said...

Feel Better! And, thanks, my screen is pretty disgusting now. Hey, maybe you should sign up for more procedures or at least get him some prescriptions. Sounds like you'll get a lot more done around the house *wink*

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Pamer said...

Hellllllllooooo Nurse!!!

Haha Great story!!! I tweak the boob of Pamer's Wife every morning and blame it on my morning groginess. She never buys it though

I'm sure you were a stupendous caregiver

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Chris said...

I think they were lying to you. I got my teeth. Of course, that was *mumble* 23 years ago...

I hope you feel better soon! And dang, give Hoop more of those things and the house will be transformed!

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Karen said...

I hate doctors with no bedside manner. You and Hoop take care of each other. That is sweet. And if he has more energy to burn he can come to my house and clean my garage.

At 25 January, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that you're not feeling well, but your story was still hilarious. The people at the office sounded really rude; it's as if they had no experience with people who are loopy from anesthesia. Crazy. Of course, maybe they went into this particular career because they'd be dealing with people who are asleep, and the afterward just complicates things.

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Starchy said...

Oh no! I would say poor Hoop, but it sounds like he's still flying high! So poor you! I've been there and done that with all four wisdom teeth at the same time and total turd dentists, so please tell him not to think he can eat at Olive Garden too soon. I still can see those tiny little teeth bites out of those croutons I tried to eat--talk about rabbit food!

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Ginni Dee said...

Hmmmm, sounds like Hoop's dentist and nurse could have used some Vicodin.

Sorry you're snotty. I hate when that happens.

At 25 January, 2008, Blogger Jennifer McKenzie said...

I missed Lefty, so I wandered over here.
And laughed my ass off.
Poor Hoop. I had the same problem with Vicodin...only it made me MAD. It sounds like it made him....productive?
Great story.
Hope you feel better.

At 26 January, 2008, Blogger flutter said...

Oh he is hilarious. Feel better why doncha?

At 26 January, 2008, Blogger Hilary said...

The dentist and nurse are just pissed that you got the boob tweak and they didn't.

Hope you feel better soon.

At 26 January, 2008, Blogger gr said...

My mother will tell you I was pretty darn cheerful, active, and difficult also when I had MINE out. Doesn't seem fair, he's bouncing all over and your marinating in snot?

At 26 January, 2008, Blogger Christy said...

I enjoyed scrambled eggs after my wisdom teeth were yanked.

Cranky, snappy people irritate me. I kill them with my witty kindness. "Aw come on health codes are meant to be broken, they are my teeth after all. I paid you to pull them, the least you could do is give me something to take home."

Ew, maybe he has a collection of teeth somewhere. Gross.

At 26 January, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What do they do with people's unused body parts anyway? My mom had gall stones undr the sink for years. I would open them frequently and check them out.

Kid you not.

Hope you start feeling better. I've missed you!

At 26 January, 2008, Blogger Mary said...

poor NYSE rink (((hugs))) I hope you're feeling better soon. Have some of hoops drugzzzz

At 26 January, 2008, Blogger R.E.H. said...

Waking up tweakin' some boobs... now that's a good way to wake up.

You should keep a stash of vicodin in the house and slip some in his drink whenever you want some cleaning done.

Hope you'll feel better soon.

At 26 January, 2008, Blogger janet said...

yikes. glad hoop made it through only mildly scathed.

and you? snot twinkies. YUM. *shudder*

At 26 January, 2008, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

How was he a day later? I am sorry you're not feeling well either.

At 27 January, 2008, Blogger Foo said...

Sorry to hear you're not feeling well and that Hoop's oral (stop giggling) surgeon is an ass. Your tooth guy; my eye guy. It really shows that some doctors get into the profession because they care and want to help people (my internist, cardiologist, and endocrinologist); others with bedside manners rangeing from robotic to Curmudgeonly Uncle can only be in it for the money (my neurologist and opthalmologist, respectively).

I just wish one of them would prescribe me some Vicodin, 'cause the Darvocet ain't workin'.

My funny (to me) wisdom tooth extraction story: I had all four cut out (all were impacted) the week the week leading up to the start of my second year of college. Mom drove me to the surgery, since (obviously) I'd be too drugged up to drive home afterwards. I'd been told that They used sodium pentothal, so I made the nurse promise not to let Mom anywhere near me until I was lucid.

Funny thing about that, though: apparently there's awake, and then there's Awake. I came in on a "program already in progress" with Mom sitting there, happily chatting about the girl I'd been seeing over the summer. I turned on the nurse. "I thought I told you not to let her in until I was awake!" Apparently, I'd been chatting away for about 10 minutes. When we were leaving, I asked the nurse if I needed to make an appointment or something to have my stitches removed. She informed me that I already had and then got irritable when I asked if she wouldn't mind letting me in on it since I wasn't really there when I made the appointment.

When I got home, I quickly tired of lying around on the fold-out sofa in the basement rec room. I wasn't in a lot of pain, so I didn't take my Percodan. I figured I'd save it for entertainment perposes, once I got back to school.* Mom had left me one of those hospital pee jugs, because there was no bathroom in the basement and she didn't want me going up and down the stairs in my weakened state. Screw that. I went upstairs anyway - and immediately had to lie down to keep from passing out. Mom loved that.

I don't remember the prohibition against dairy, but I was only supposed to eat certain things. Something about getting food caught in the stitches or dry sockets. I also wasn't supposed to lift anything heavy or exert myself. So, of course, I moved into the dorm, carrying all of my stuff - including heavy crates of vinyl records - to my room on the 20th floor (I did use the elevator, though). Afterwards, I met up with some buddies and went to our favorite pizza place, where I proceeded to get pizza caught in my sockets and washed it out with beer.

Stupid kid.

At 27 January, 2008, Blogger HAR said...

Pain meds do the same to me. When I had my operation I was up for days. It sucked.

Hope you blow the snot out of your system real soon.

At 27 January, 2008, Blogger Tequila Mockingbird said...

by allowing for boob tweaking, you have been doing a decent job being a nurse.

At 28 January, 2008, Blogger Brynne said...

awww glad that hoop is doing well. I'm sure that he appreciates everything that you have done for him and understands that you are sick. I have to say snot coffee?? and the sneezing on the screen?? I'm trying not to laugh out loud too much. My co-worker are going to start thinking I'm crazier then I already am. That did however cheer me up and give me a good laugh. Thanks Tink :-)


At 28 January, 2008, Blogger eric said...

when i was 19 or 20, i had my wisdom teeth taken out. as my mom was answering all the questions you did, i walked out the door and went at sat at the corner of a busy city street. they had no idea where i was. i had the same reaction.

At 28 January, 2008, Blogger g-man said...

IS that what is in a Twinkie. (It has been such a long time) I didn't get sleep during my extraction, got to hear every sound and feel every slip of the pliers. Glad Hoop is feeling better. Sounds like there was not a lot for you to do except find more stuff for him to do :)

At 28 January, 2008, Blogger mrspao said...

Glad to hear Hoop got through his op ok. I hope you are feeling better too. It is awful trying to look after someone when you're feeling grotty yourself.

I remember when pao was in hospital - they wouldn't let him walk anywhere because of insurance. If he was in a wheelchair, they couldn't get sued.

At 28 January, 2008, Blogger Alli said...

It always amazes me when people react HYPER to pain meds like that. Man, when I was on Vicodin after my teeth pulling experience, I was SOOOOO incredibly LOOPY & drooling & slurring my words. I was a mess.

I am sorry that the dentist was a jerk. That makes me mad. They are making the rest of us medical professionals look bad. We're all not like that, y'all! I promise!

FEEL BETTER, chica!!!

mmmmm.....snot twinkies...mmmm


At 29 January, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In fairness to your nursing skills, he doesn't sound like he was a very good patient lol

At 29 January, 2008, Blogger gr said...

So, Tuesday photo challenge, here we come!

At 29 January, 2008, Blogger Farmer*swife said...

WWC, I've posted my pride and circle. Other's might be more interesting...but mine are still important to me.

It's my first time.


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