Wednesday, May 28, 2008

*Heghjaj Harbe'wI'pu'

Not Far From The Tree:
Grandpa: I would like you guys to know, since I'll be the one marrying you, that we can incorporate anything into the ceremony you want.
Grandma: Traditions. Prayers. Special Vows.
Grandpa: Anything.
Tink: Excellent! Can you speak Klingon?

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I hate being broke.
Hoop: Me too. I think we should sell Jazzi.
Tink: We are not selling the dog.
Hoop: Why not? She's fat, ugly, and needy.
Tink: Aw, she can't help it.
Hoop: We could make a fortune if we sold her by the pound!

Not Far From The Tree:
Grandpa: So I hear you have a new car-
Grandma: -and it's a stick shift!
Tink: It's beautiful.
Grandma: I also heard that you taught her how to drive it, Hoop, and that she wasn't the best student?
Hoop: Aw, that's not true. She did great.
Tink: Pfft. Don't lie. I was mean.
Grandpa: What's so hard about driving a stick shift? It's just one.. two... three.
Tink: Four... five.
Grandpa: Five?
Tink: Uh huh.
Grandpa: Your car has five gears?!
Hoop: That's right.
Grandpa: When did they start doing that?

*Which means "Death to the infidels!" in Klingon. Or so I'm told.

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32 Comments:

At 28 May, 2008, Anonymous catscratch diva said...

I so wish we would have done something NON traditional... like getting married in the Drive Thru Wedding Chapel of Love by Elvis in Sin City with the top down.

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger Heather said...

Poor Jazzi!! I think we could also make a fortune if we sold our animals by the pound. (Especially if we did it right after my mother was taking care of them for a week!!)

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger furiousBall said...

The key to getting the maximum amount for Jazzi is how thin you slice her

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger LL said...

I do sell my animals by the pound, and it doesn't amount to what you think it does...

A Klingon wedding? I'm sensing some bizarre occurrences at the before and after parties...

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger Christy said...

As funny as it probably was, selling a dog by the pound makes me want to vomit.

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger Spamboy said...

Grandpa rocks!

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger Chris said...

Hee hee - go, Grandpa! Did you get him a Klingon phrase book to get started? ;)

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger Fortune Cookies said...

I wonder if Klingons do lesbian weddings...hmmmmm how do you say dyke in Klingon? That's so cool that grandpa is doing your wedding!Poor puppy, I'm sure we could retire if they are buying pups by the pound, but we'd never sell the sunny-dog!

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger meno said...

Tell your grandpa that my car has six gears, and also reverse.

It's kind of like those razor blades that keep getting more and more blades.

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger Newt said...

I just love your conversations. They are awesome.

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger fiwa said...

heehee... Grandpa and the stick shift cracked me up. It IS hard learning how to drive one, isn't it? I ran over so many curbs at first, because I always wanted to look down at the stick while I was trying to shift.

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

I learned how to drive a car with a stick shift. It was a pain in the butt. My dad was so frustrated with me, that he ended up asking his best friend to teach me. Haha!

Ah... the memories!

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger womaninawindow said...

that's so grandpa-ish...three gears...love that!

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger the planet of janet said...

love these conversations. they're so ... you.

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger Sassy Mama Bear said...

Will he include Klingon? Now that would be interesting :)

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger Jay said...

Wouldn't grandpa be blown away if you got a car that had a SIXTH gear? LOL

Poor Jazzi, doesn't know that if things get any worse she's going to have to make the ultimate sacrifice.

 
At 28 May, 2008, Anonymous kcinnova said...

lol...I learned how to drive 4 gears, then 3, then 5... no wonder grandpa is confused!

 
At 28 May, 2008, Blogger Edge said...

There are some people at work I want to sell by the pound.

Is he going to do the ceremony naked? You know like the empath's on Next Gen? You should do the ceremony naked.

~Jef

 
At 29 May, 2008, Blogger Reb said...

You have such interesting conversations! Poor Jazzi.

 
At 29 May, 2008, Blogger flutter said...

I'll buy Jazzi, you can have visitation rights ;p

 
At 29 May, 2008, Blogger captain corky said...

I get a little week in the knees when women speak Klingonese. ;)

 
At 29 May, 2008, Blogger gr said...

Hey, I'd buy your dog. How about 50 bucks?

 
At 29 May, 2008, Blogger Foo said...

You laugh about the Klingon thing, but I'd bet my life's savings that there have been more than a few vows exchanged in Klingon, among rabid Star Trek fans.

Personally, I think Pig Latin would be a whole lot less intimidating to the guests.

 
At 29 May, 2008, Blogger g-man said...

HA! I used to have a "Klingon Language Institute" flyer that a colleague picked up at a Star Trek convention a few years ago. I looked it up they have a website www.kli.org.

Funny post, grandparents are fun.

 
At 29 May, 2008, Blogger rudecactus said...

I love that he wasn't up to speed (ha!) on the five gear concept. That's just awesome.

 
At 29 May, 2008, Blogger Cat Herder said...

We thought about selling the WDCL too. But she's 11.5, she's all lumpy-bumpy with fatty tumors, her eyes are totally fogged up, she can't hear very well, she can barely walk without falling down b/c of a spinal problem, and she's dumb as a stick.

So now we're figuring out how to claim her as a massive loss on our taxes. I mean face it, if we were dogs, we'd have culled her from the herd years ago. We may as well get a write-off for keeping her lazy, expensive ass around, right?

 
At 29 May, 2008, Blogger Knight said...

Here are a few ideas you might want to have Grandpa slip into the wedding:
Doing the vows with Scottish accents.
"You may now high five the bride."
Light Saber duel before exchanging the rings.
Instead of the Bridal March you could enter to "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida". I bet it would sound great on the organ.
You know what, nevermind. I need these for my wedding.

 
At 29 May, 2008, Blogger Jo said...

LOL! Aw, poor poochie...you can't sell a dog that sleeps in pants.

It's so cool Grandpa's going to perform the ceremony! Maybe you guys can rap your vows...Grandpa can throw in a little True dat and Word here & there.

 
At 29 May, 2008, Blogger Manic Mom said...

I liked your roadtrip story over at Manic Mom's! I hope you don't go to hell for that one, besides, you were already IN ORLANDO! Hahahah!

Just KIDDING!

 
At 29 May, 2008, Blogger Sparkling Red said...

Will you be serving GACH! at the reception?

(Not sure if I spelled that right. You'd know it in English as "A Bowl Full of Wiggling Worms".)

 
At 29 May, 2008, Blogger mamatulip said...

*snort* I think it would be awesome if your service was in Klingon. I hear it's an official language...somewhere.

I only flooded my mom's car once when she taught me how to drive stick. Hows about you?

 
At 30 May, 2008, Blogger mrspao said...

I was looking at the flowers in your next post and now I'm thinking of a Klingon holding that bouquet.....

 

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