Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Dumpster Diving

I can officially say that Hoop and I have done it all together. Last night at about 8 o'clock you would have found us knee deep in muddy water at the bottom of a dumpster. A fucking dumpster. On Sunday I had finally gotten around to cleaning out the junk room. The only problem with cleaning out a room full of junk is, when you're done you end up with a room full of bags full of junk. Since our garbage man is particular about the amount of things he's willing to pick up in a given stop (read that again for the full stupidity of the statement to sink in), Hoop decided to throw our trash in one of the construction dumpsters down the street.

Doing illegal things totally sketches me out. So I played lookout while Hoop threw the trash in. We had everything from broken bed-frames (hehe), to an old vacuum cleaner, boxes, unaddressed letters from fourth grade, stuffed animals my dog likes to hump, and a slew of empty CD cases. We giggled like a couple of delinquents on the way home. I honestly hadn't thought of it again until last night when my Mom called. I could hear the panic in her voice as she slung out words like "cops" and "trouble." It took a little while to understand that someone had called her in regards to Hoop and my dumpster rushing.

I looked up at Hoop from our cold dinners and relayed the story. Evidently one of the boxes I'd thrown away had been addressed to Mom. The contractor had called the sheriff's office and been told to try and handle the situation himself. With a few clicks on the computer, he'd been able to pull up Mom's phone number and Voila. By the time we arrived, the dumpster had been raided. Nothing was in bags anymore. Papers and trinkets lay buried in a foot of muddy water and broken tile. Hoop and I took turns holding the flashlight and scooping up handfuls of smashed vacuum and soggy letters.

The builder, a goofy old redneck, ran around pointing out splinters of CD case and berating us for our foolishness. He went on and on about the fines his company would receive if we left anything behind. He joked about the "love" letters floating around in the water. I blushingly replied that letters from girlfriends in fourth grade could hardly constitute as anything so serious. He reiterated how he found the neighborhood kids digging through the bags. "They took some of your CDs!" I looked up, soaked and grumpy. "Well, they did find them in the trash. I can't be mad for them taking something I didn't want."

"Well, I've learned my lesson." I told Hoop as we unloaded the rebagged garbage at the foot of our driveway. "I'm sure that builder would be pleased to hear that dear." We laughed and shook our heads when we entered the house, fully registering the disgusting nature of our deed as the light hit our splattered clothes. Dumpster diving was never something I imagined myself doing. I don't recommend putting it on your "Rainy Day To Do" list. The only thing that made it worth while was the forty-five minute shower Hoop and I took together afterward. *Growl*

19 Comments:

At 11 January, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Oh gross, you poor thing. And what's the big deal about dumping trash in a dumpster anyway? It's not like you left it on his front lawn!

 
At 11 January, 2006, Anonymous Amanda B. said...

Oh man, you guys soooo got busted. :D

I'm sorry you had to dig around in the dumpster. Sounds like that guy was being a wee bit anal.

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Well, at least the shower sounds fun!!

I was thinking of your Hoop conversations when I read the first bit of this post. You don't need to be a knitter to appreciate the conversation between this woman and her husband. Heh. (Skip on out of there after the conversation, 'cos it gets heavy duty knitting at that point.)

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Oh, man. If they'd just been willing to pick up all your trash to begin with, none of this would have happened.

Glad you got to take a shared shower.

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

TB: My thoughts exactly! The root of dumpster being "dump" I thought we'd be OK. Whatever. I dug it out like a good little delinquent. Haha GOOD little DELINQUENT. Oxymoron maybe?

Amanda: Anal wasn't even strong enough a title. I'd call him intestinal.

Chris: Lmao. Hoop and I have twins! And evidently mine was born with all the talents I've never possessed. You're awesome.

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Arabella: You know what makes this story even more ridiculous? I live two streets away from the landfill. A PRIVATE landfill where all the garbage people go. *Groan*

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

Hmm. Not an enjoyable night, but atleast it had a good ending, no?

When we have too much garabage, Tom takes a bag or two with him to work. He's the first one there in the morning, so no one notices ;)

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

What is with the garbage man getting choosy about what he picks up? Anytime my garbage men don't pick up, I call the county on 'em, and they send another truck by the next day. I mean, your taxes pay for this service!

Sorry you had to dumpster dive. I imagine it's a lot less fun a) when you're taking out your own trash, and b) when it's raining.
:(

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger Alien said...

O...M...G. You poor, poor things. And yet, you laugh about it. You and Hoop freakin' ROCK! LOL!

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger Alien said...

By the way, your poor, poor mom. She must have panicked when the guy called her. LOL!

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

OK, there's a bright side to this. Think "Alice's Restaurant." If you ever get called for the draft, they'll consider you too much of a dangerous, hardened criminal to let you go kill people!

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Tink - You're very welcome. Perhaps you can visit your twins when you go "across the pond" sometime! ;)

Dated this guy who had a t-shirt that read "Official Dumpster Diving Team" - and on any walk around the city, he would be poking into dumpsters looking for things to salvage.

Why, no, we're not dating anymore. However would you guess?!

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger Brooke said...

Ick. But the shower part sounds fun!

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger Shrinking Violet said...

OH MY GOD THAT IS AWESOME!!! Where we live, the garbage Nazi's RULE. It is a sport/hobby to find unsuspecting dumpsters and successfully trash things without getting caught!

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Girl! Why didn't you just play dumb and act like you did not know how any of that stuff got in the dumpster??? I would have just said "Hey, dude! Someone stole our trash and we had no idea what happened to it!"

Sorry but my blondeness has taught me such tricks.

 
At 11 January, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

Yeah, I'm with Debbie. What's he going to do? I can't even think of something funny he would do.
Our garbage collector wrote me a nasty note telling me that our recycling bag was not tied properly. To this I say Huh?

 
At 12 January, 2006, Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

I totally get caught every time I try to do something that is against the rules, but your mom's address on the boxes, that's classic.

Sounds like it was disgusting. 45 minute shower? I gotta know what kind of water heater you have, because when the hot water is gone, I don't care what I am doing, I am outta there!

 
At 12 January, 2006, Blogger V said...

Omg...I would've totally insisted that I was innocent to my mother if I had gotten that call! And then slunk back under the cover of night! You brave stinky girl!

 
At 12 January, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

O. M. G. That is just HORRIBLY WRONG. I just don't think I could have done that without puking.

 

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