Friday, January 06, 2006

All in a night's work.

Do you know what the strangest feeling in the world is? Digging through a pile of Queso Dip on the floor for pieces of glass. I spent forty-five minutes doing just that last night. All the while feeling as if I were participating in some disturbed rendition of that Double Dare game where you have to find the flag in the slime before the clock runs out. Only my prize being possible stitches. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me begin where work left off...

School: It's been two years since I went to college. I was doing well for awhile, balancing a full time job and two classes a week. All that ended the day the school sent me a warning note. I had finished all my English credits the year previously and was knee deep in Speech and Psychology electives when the letter arrived in the mail. They warned that if I didn't take a math class the next semester, I would not be allowed to return. I hate math. So... I never went back. I'm not proud of it! It's taken me two years to swallow my pride (not to mention fear and stubbornness). Yesterday I took the first step at continuing my education.

As I sat in the math class, feeling as if my stomach were trying to digest rocks, I looked around at all the other anxious faces seated around me. It wasn't a very promising crew. To the left was a man in a trench coat. In front was a woman old enough to be my grandmother. She turned around to smile at me and I swear her teeth swished around in her mouth a bit. To the right was a girl in ALL camouflage, down to her shoes, purse, and bookbag. When the teacher walked in and requested we announce our names and professions, I half expected her to pass the girl by. The cool response would have been, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't see you there. You blended in so well!" But she wasn't that cool.

Homeward Bound: The first thing I noticed when I got home was the empty trash cans had been removed from the curb and put back next to the house. 10 Brownie Points. The second thing I noticed was that the laundry had been started. 20 Brownie Points. The third thing I noticed was that Hoop had gone grocery shopping while I was gone. 100 Brownie Points. "Are you feeling OK?" I asked him as I surveyed the fridge. "I don't know what you did with my boyfriend, but I'd like you to stay!" I reached up for his sweet adorable face and realized... It was hot. I patted at Hoop's forehead and looked up at his glassy eyes. "Oh shit babe. You really aren't feeling well huh?"

I sent him to the couch to relax as I made our lunches for the next day. He shuffled in and out of several rooms and eventually landed back in the kitchen, digging out a brand new jar of Queso Dip. I bit my tongue when it shattered on the tile floor. After shooing Hoop back into the living room I tried to clean up the mess. But how exactly do you clean something like that up?! After forty-five minutes of digging through the glop, I felt assured enough that I'd found the majority of jar shrapnel. I proceeded to scoop up Queso by the handful and plop it into the trash. Bleh. An hour later I could see my floor again... The cracked part the jar had landed on. -100 Brownie Points. It also still smells like cheese, despite the obscene amount of bleach I used. -30 Brownie Points. Total score: 0 Brownie Points. Poor Hoop can never get ahead. Ah, but I love the man.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
(Jazzi paws at Hoop's arm and whines)
Hoop: Jazzi is so needy! She doesn't even act like a dog. She won't even do normal dog things like Duff will.
Tink: I know. She almost acts human.
Tink: That's why I think I'm coming back as her when I die.
Hoop: Uh huh... So you're saying that Jazzi is really you after you die?
Tink: Yup.
Hoop: But you're not that needy.
Tink: I will be once I can't watch TV, read, or have sex anymore! Our affection is all the dogs have.
Hoop: True.
Tink: So if I die, you can't get rid of this dog...
Hoop: *Shit eating smile*
Tink: Hoop, I'm serious... Hoop?

Hoop: You are so strange.



At 06 January, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

I think the shattered Queso Dip is worse than the time I broke a glass bottle of maple syrup. That smell was pretty pleasant, though.

Good for you for going back and tackling the math. The trenchcoat scares me a little, though. Stay safe.

At 06 January, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Yup, Queso Dip is worse than that time that Julia wanted to help me pour her some orange juice by dumping the entire contents of the jug on to the floor. Took me several go's with the mop before my feet didn't stick firmly to the floor.

*clapping* Good for you for going back to school! The mother in me is very proud of you, LOL.

At 06 January, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Blech on the Queso Dip! I dropped a jar of peanut butter once and it sounds like a comparable mess. I don't recommend it.

Congrats on going back to school! I had a lot of math fear, until I finally realized that fear was going to keep me from doing the things I wanted to do. So I started taking the math classes I needed and was dogged in my studying. I suprised myself at how well I did - just needed to study a lot more than I was used to studying for other sorts of classes.

So stick with it, Tink!!

At 06 January, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Congrats on going back to school. I hated math too and barely made it through all my requirements by the skin of my teeth. It will be so worth it when you finish the class though and it will go by fast.

You and Hoop are my kind of peeps. This morning J and I were debating which of the cats has a higher IQ.

At 06 January, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you all for the support! I'm really quite excited about getting over this hump.

Arabella: You're so sweet. No worries. I'll start carrying around my 2lb flashlight. ;)

Mama T: The Orange juice probably covered more ground though. Spilling anything is never fun. Unless it's chocolate syrup in my mouth. Ooops, I "spilled" it. Mmmm.

Chris: I raided Barnes and Noble for a bunch of math tutor books. I'm well armed and hopeful. That's all I need.

TB: Girl, I think you're my blogger soulmate. hehe

At 06 January, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

LMAO. That and whipped cream.

At 06 January, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Well, personally (and not at all because I'm a guy) I think Hoop should get to keep all his brownie points, because you see, when I guy consciously and intentionally makes the effort to help and be useful, the brownie points are impervious to his later usual insensitivity or plain old "guyness." Sure, he loses them for being a jerk or mean, but just for being normal? Come on!

Math is a necessary evil in college, but take comfort in the fact that being an language person simple demonstrates your superior humanity and intelligence. Calculators do math; people do poetry. Get a good tutor and be happy with a C-.

Will try to post something this weekend. It will be shit.

At 06 January, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

LOL Mamalujo1! I was waiting for your comment on this. OK ok... So, Hoop still gets the Brownie Points. It's not like I keep them tallied on a blackboard or anything. Can you imagine though? It would probably read something like this if I did:

Toilet seat up: -10
Picks up dinner dishes: +5
Opens car door: +10
Sticks foot in mouth: -5
Sticks foot in mouth again: -10
Sticks whole leg in mouth: -20
Carries me to bed: +100

...And AMEN to calculators! You all have a great weekend.

At 06 January, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

WTG on heading back to school--it's not too bad, is it?

what are you going for?

I hope Hoop feels better soon! Sorry about the cheese smell. It's better than our kitchen currently smells, and I'll save you by not elaborating.

At 07 January, 2006, Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

I took a night class in college...the guy in my class would ride up on one cheek and fart for all he was worth....anytime he wanted. The teacher ignored him...after awhile he sat on one side of the class and everyone else was huddled on the other side.

At 07 January, 2006, Blogger Rock said...

I have two degrees but I was seriously having problems with Calulus 2 my sophmore year (I took Journalism - writing for the paper in high school and fell behind the Calculus train). So in college I was behind the 8-ball. I took Calc-2 in summer school in my hometown from a wonderful teacher who could actually speak the King's English! I made an A and I survived to my Masters.

Do not fear Math - fear the Master.

At 07 January, 2006, Blogger Pixie LaRouge said...

Tink, I'm in awe. I'm proud. I'm thrilled! Going back to school is freakin' HARD. And scary. Even without frightening trench coat people (did he have pant legs out the bottom? Please tell me it wasn't all socks and hairy shins).

Math is... not my best subject. So I'll sit back and admire you and cheer you on.

You go, girl!

At 07 January, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Tell Hoop he owes me.

At 08 January, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

That's a huge great hairy step you've taken - good for you! I was all math geeky in high school and college, and I know there are guys out there just aching to tutor someone cute and funny such-as-yourself if you ever feel the need. Do not suffer in silence!

At 09 January, 2006, Blogger R. Robyn said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 09 January, 2006, Blogger R. Robyn said...

After three years in the military I am finally starting college. Being that I'm stationed in Italy I thought it would be appropriate to start with an Italian language class. Hopefully things will go well.....but I dread the day when I finally have to fufill my math requirement. I wouldn't put it past me to pay someone to attend class for me. And do my homework.

At 09 January, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Look around the math class and tell yourself, if these assholes can do it, then so can I!!

I love Hoop. Only thing that could be worse than queso is a whole large container of sweet and sour sauce - it splashes and leave no cabinet or floor spaced unscathed.


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