All in a night's work.
Do you know what the strangest feeling in the world is? Digging through a pile of Queso Dip on the floor for pieces of glass. I spent forty-five minutes doing just that last night. All the while feeling as if I were participating in some disturbed rendition of that Double Dare game where you have to find the flag in the slime before the clock runs out. Only my prize being possible stitches. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me begin where work left off...
School: It's been two years since I went to college. I was doing well for awhile, balancing a full time job and two classes a week. All that ended the day the school sent me a warning note. I had finished all my English credits the year previously and was knee deep in Speech and Psychology electives when the letter arrived in the mail. They warned that if I didn't take a math class the next semester, I would not be allowed to return. I hate math. So... I never went back. I'm not proud of it! It's taken me two years to swallow my pride (not to mention fear and stubbornness). Yesterday I took the first step at continuing my education.
As I sat in the math class, feeling as if my stomach were trying to digest rocks, I looked around at all the other anxious faces seated around me. It wasn't a very promising crew. To the left was a man in a trench coat. In front was a woman old enough to be my grandmother. She turned around to smile at me and I swear her teeth swished around in her mouth a bit. To the right was a girl in ALL camouflage, down to her shoes, purse, and bookbag. When the teacher walked in and requested we announce our names and professions, I half expected her to pass the girl by. The cool response would have been, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't see you there. You blended in so well!" But she wasn't that cool.
Homeward Bound: The first thing I noticed when I got home was the empty trash cans had been removed from the curb and put back next to the house. 10 Brownie Points. The second thing I noticed was that the laundry had been started. 20 Brownie Points. The third thing I noticed was that Hoop had gone grocery shopping while I was gone. 100 Brownie Points. "Are you feeling OK?" I asked him as I surveyed the fridge. "I don't know what you did with my boyfriend, but I'd like you to stay!" I reached up for his sweet adorable face and realized... It was hot. I patted at Hoop's forehead and looked up at his glassy eyes. "Oh shit babe. You really aren't feeling well huh?"
I sent him to the couch to relax as I made our lunches for the next day. He shuffled in and out of several rooms and eventually landed back in the kitchen, digging out a brand new jar of Queso Dip. I bit my tongue when it shattered on the tile floor. After shooing Hoop back into the living room I tried to clean up the mess. But how exactly do you clean something like that up?! After forty-five minutes of digging through the glop, I felt assured enough that I'd found the majority of jar shrapnel. I proceeded to scoop up Queso by the handful and plop it into the trash. Bleh. An hour later I could see my floor again... The cracked part the jar had landed on. -100 Brownie Points. It also still smells like cheese, despite the obscene amount of bleach I used. -30 Brownie Points. Total score: 0 Brownie Points. Poor Hoop can never get ahead. Ah, but I love the man.
Daily Hoop Conversation:
(Jazzi paws at Hoop's arm and whines)
Hoop: Jazzi is so needy! She doesn't even act like a dog. She won't even do normal dog things like Duff will.
Tink: I know. She almost acts human.
Tink: That's why I think I'm coming back as her when I die.
Hoop: Uh huh... So you're saying that Jazzi is really you after you die?
Hoop: But you're not that needy.
Tink: I will be once I can't watch TV, read, or have sex anymore! Our affection is all the dogs have.
Tink: So if I die, you can't get rid of this dog...
Hoop: *Shit eating smile*
Tink: Hoop, I'm serious... Hoop?
Hoop: You are so strange.
Labels: Daily Hoop Conversations