Thursday, December 29, 2005

The 2005 Endcap

So here I am on the cusp of yet another three day weekend. It's just too much for me to comprehend guys. I think I might start foaming at the mouth or something. Since it's bound to be a crazy weekend, hopefully NOT involving midgets with roaming hands, I decided to take down all the Christmas decorations early. *GASP* I know! What was I thinking?! I was so proud of myself when Hoop got home. I took down the decorations, disposed of the tree, and cleaned up the mess that comes from ramming a fir six times into a door frame by accident, all by my fucking self. Was he impressed? No. He was upset that it no longer looked "festive." I looked at him and said, "Well if you want it back, then you can go drag it from the marsh behind the house." That pretty much cured his waning Christmas spirit. Truth be told, I'm ready for this year to be over with. So without further ado... Here's my 2005 endcap chock full of my random "5" lists. Feel free to hop into the conga line.

5 2005 New Years Resolutions Busted:
1. Paint the house... Well, I have the paint cans. That has to count for half, right?
2. Stop smoking... *Puff puff* Did you all know these things are addictive?!
3. Save money... I saved before I spent it all.
4. Walk the dogs more... I walk them. Ok, ok. So it's in circles while I smoke. But it's still walking.
5. Quit making lists for everything... *Blink* Huh.

5 Great Ideas:
1. They should make backwards Christmas music for when you're taking down the tree.
2. There should be an art degree for bullshitting and lying.
3. Anyone over 70 should retake their driving test every 3 years. Anyone who fails will be given a complimentary golf cart instead.
4. People going on first dates should bring along resumes documenting their dating history.
5. Schools should teach more life skill classes. Example: "Quick Cures For Morning Hangovers 101."

5 Pet Peeves:
1. Up-talkers: the people who make everything sound like a question.
2. Paper cuts and hangnails.
3. Realizing there's no toilet paper after you've used the John.
4. The fact that athletes make more money than teachers.
5. People who call simply because they're bored.

5 Fun Facts:
1. The Statue Of Liberty is a lighthouse.
2. If you shake a can of mixed nuts, the larger ones will rise to the top.
3. The glue on Israeli stamps is certified kosher.
4. A microwaved baseball will fly further than a frozen baseball.
5. Astronauts cannot burp in space.

5 Oxymorons
1. Head butt
2. Clearly confused
3. Mud bath
4. Rubber cement
5. Only choice

If I don't post again until after the holiday... Have a great and safe New Year everyone!!

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At 30 December, 2005, Blogger wordgirl said...

Our New Year's is going to be so low key as to be nonexistent. I still don't know if that will be good or bad.

At 30 December, 2005, Blogger Arabella said...

I hate hangnails, too! But I like your fun facts.

At 30 December, 2005, Anonymous TB said...

Happy New Year Tink. Have fun with the midgets and watch out for little groping hands.
Thanks for always making me smile.

At 30 December, 2005, Blogger Brooke said...

Oh my god I'm yet again rolling in laughter. How DO you do it?
Happy New Year!

At 30 December, 2005, Blogger mama_tulip said...

O.M.G. I just snorted my way through this entire post. This is the BEST POST EVER. Happy New Year to you too, Tink-a-licious. ;)

At 30 December, 2005, Blogger Shrinking Violet said...

You rock! I stopped smoking four months ago today. How, you ask? Sugar Free Jolly Rancher candy and the nic patch. Good luck to you! I love your fun facts! And THAT IS A GREAT IDEA about making people over 70 re-take their driving test. As a taxpayer, I'd be happy to have my taxes by them either a golf cart or a Rascal scooter!

At 30 December, 2005, Anonymous Amanda B. said...

You too sweetpea, have fun.

At 31 December, 2005, Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

Pet Peeve #3, plus figuring out they peed on the seat after you sit down. I hate that!

I love your busted resolutions.

Happy New Year's to you as well.

At 31 December, 2005, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I should have added "stop drinking so much to my list" but jeez, that's mighty addictive too! And, I am freakin' funny when I've had a few.

I HATE the fact that atheletes are paid so damn much. That's just wrong.

At 31 December, 2005, Blogger Chris said...

Thanks for putting a smile on my face! Happy New Year to you and Hoop.

At 31 December, 2005, Blogger Pixie LaRouge said...

Hippy skippy New Year, Tink! Hope your celebration involves more libations than mine (my totally non-drinking parental set was here until a bit ago. Now I'm going to get a bit tipsy while SUB snores. We're the partiers), hope your resolutions for next year are easy to keep and make you smile, and hope no one forces peas down your throat.

At 01 January, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...


...list 5 weird things about yourself, tag five other people to do the same, and then comment on their blogs that they have been tagged.

At 01 January, 2006, Blogger Alien said...

Dude, keep smoking. There are so few of us left.... ;)

At 02 January, 2006, Blogger WILLIAM said...

I hope you have an awesome 2006.

At 11 January, 2006, Blogger D.C. Bowns said...

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At 09 February, 2006, Blogger All about Golf said...

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