The 2005 Endcap

So here I am on the cusp of yet another three day weekend. It's just too much for me to comprehend guys. I think I might start foaming at the mouth or something. Since it's bound to be a crazy weekend, hopefully NOT involving midgets with roaming hands, I decided to take down all the Christmas decorations early. *GASP* I know! What was I thinking?! I was so proud of myself when Hoop got home. I took down the decorations, disposed of the tree, and cleaned up the mess that comes from ramming a fir six times into a door frame by accident, all by my fucking self. Was he impressed? No. He was upset that it no longer looked "festive." I looked at him and said, "Well if you want it back, then you can go drag it from the marsh behind the house." That pretty much cured his waning Christmas spirit. Truth be told, I'm ready for this year to be over with. So without further ado... Here's my 2005 endcap chock full of my random "5" lists. Feel free to hop into the conga line.

5 2005 New Years Resolutions Busted:
1. Paint the house... Well, I have the paint cans. That has to count for half, right?
2. Stop smoking... *Puff puff* Did you all know these things are addictive?!
3. Save money... I saved before I spent it all.
4. Walk the dogs more... I walk them. Ok, ok. So it's in circles while I smoke. But it's still walking.
5. Quit making lists for everything... *Blink* Huh.

5 Great Ideas:
1. They should make backwards Christmas music for when you're taking down the tree.
2. There should be an art degree for bullshitting and lying.
3. Anyone over 70 should retake their driving test every 3 years. Anyone who fails will be given a complimentary golf cart instead.
4. People going on first dates should bring along resumes documenting their dating history.
5. Schools should teach more life skill classes. Example: "Quick Cures For Morning Hangovers 101."

5 Pet Peeves:
1. Up-talkers: the people who make everything sound like a question.
2. Paper cuts and hangnails.
3. Realizing there's no toilet paper after you've used the John.
4. The fact that athletes make more money than teachers.
5. People who call simply because they're bored.

5 Fun Facts:
1. The Statue Of Liberty is a lighthouse.
2. If you shake a can of mixed nuts, the larger ones will rise to the top.
3. The glue on Israeli stamps is certified kosher.
4. A microwaved baseball will fly further than a frozen baseball.
5. Astronauts cannot burp in space.

5 Oxymorons
1. Head butt
2. Clearly confused
3. Mud bath
4. Rubber cement
5. Only choice

If I don't post again until after the holiday... Have a great and safe New Year everyone!!