Daily Hoop Conversations:
(Yesterday on the phone)
Hoop: Have you left work yet?
Tink: Nope. I'm sitting in the parking lot trying to get situated.
*Random chit chat*
Tink: Ugh! *Grumble grumble*
Hoop: What's wrong with you?
Tink: I'm trying to find my phone so I can plug it in to charge while I drive. I think I left it inside.
Tink: ...Oh my God. I'm such an idiot.
(Today through text messages at work)
Hoop: My car kept making a loud thumping noise this morning. It sounded like something was seriously wrong. When I got out to look, my belt was only halfway on and hanging out the door.
Tink: Teach you not to wear your seatbelt! See, I nag because I know.
Hoop: Not my seatbelt, my fat belt.
Tink: Lmao. Like the belt you wear around your waist? How in the hell?!
Hoop: Yeah. I didn't have time to put it all the way on.
Tink: THIS is why I love you.
There are so few instant gratifications in life. Almost everything requires some labor in order to reap the rewards for it. Even sex and that fabulous "O" ride. There's a certain amount of prep work involved in making sure we get the most out of the situation. Pooping always seemed relatively instant. But then you start thinking of the amount of pushing and positioning that is required. Come on. You know you have a way you like to sit on the John that gets the job done better than others. So I think I've finally narrowed it down. Here's my list of instant gratifications.
That's it. Is my list as pathetically small as everyone else's?
Do you ever find yourself giving life to inanimate objects or thinking of them in a human way? No? Yeah, uh... me neither.
No seriously. My family has always named their cars. It's sort of a strange tradition. I have been known to talk to my car on occasion too. Especially when I'm running on fumes. "Please baby, get me to the next gas station. I swear I'll buy you that premium shit instead of the cheap gas I usually feed you. I swear I'll get your oil changed regularly. Just PLEASE get me home safely." Call it coincidence, but I've never had the system fail. The other day I passed the multitude of car lots my town has bundled into one long strip of road and thought, "If cars were capable of thought, what would they think of us?"
Would they sit in dealership lots like animals at a pet store and pray for someone to take them home? What kind of owner would they want? Cars are either driven all the time and live for only a short while or they are parked most of their lives and live much longer. People are kind of like that too. Can you imagine a life totally out of your control? We sit in our vehicles. We decide where they are going. We operate the machinery. We are in charge of their health/maintenance. We decide when to retire or trade them in. If our cars were alive, they'd be the equivalent of cattle. I'm naming my next car "Moo."