Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Path To Recovery

On the way home from Hoop's uncle's house last night he turned to me and said, "I think this has been the best Christmas ever." My eyes had been drooped half closed as I stared out at all the sad little Christmas lights down the road. He'd interrupted a thought I'd been having about how exhausted I felt. "Yeah it was, wasn't it?" It was probably the most insane too, might I add. But the "best" part sort of overrides all that. ;)

Friday 12/23: I joined Hoop and his friend for their usual Friday beers after work. We had plans to finish last minute shopping after for presents and cookie mix. Three beers, one shot, and two hours later I was trashed. I am NEVER trying to hang with the boys again. I went home and passed out across the bed. I woke up around one am to an empty house. I called Hoop in a daze, wondering if I'd sold him to Gypsies along the way home and if I'd gotten a good deal. He was at Wal-Mart, braving the insanity like the trooper I wasn't.

Saturday 12/24: I woke up feeling like something had crawled in my mouth and died. But I was determined to get my cookies made, so I hauled butt to the local grocery store with Hoop in toe. On the way home we sang out to Bob Marley like a couple of fools. Once at home we sang out to corney Christmas songs like a bunch of fools. Are you seeing a pattern here? I do the Chipmunk song amazingly well...without helium. I think that should be considered a skill. Unless that scares you, in which case forget I mentioned it. After some quick visiting with Hoop's mother and grandparents I split off and made the hour drive to my own parents' house.

Sunday 12/25: My brothers woke me up at three, five, six, six-fifteen, six-thirty, six-thirty five, and seven. Finally at seven we decided to let the caged beasts loose. I walked out bleary eyed to a stack of dishes. You know you're finally an adult when dishes make you all warm and fuzzy inside. Hoop joined the mayhem early in the afternoon. He brought my stepdad a fart machine, much to Papa Bear's delight and Mom's chagrin. Hoop's flea market gift ended up being a game I had been searching for. Yes I know, I am an ass. He also gave me perfume, a book, bedroom dice (grrrrowl), enough of my favorite cookies to last a month, and 12 pink roses. His favorite gift from me ended up being the least expensive. Go figure. It's a shirt with a picture of a keg on it. It says, "If you tap it, they will come."

Sunday Evening 12/25: I was pulled over on the way home. Who the hell pulls someone over on Christmas? I was following Hoop... First mistake. I was going 50mph in a 35mph zone... Second mistake. I had the dogs in my car... Third mistake. Duff of course decided to start growling the second the cop mentioned how "sweet" my dogs were. Fortunately the holiday spirit seemed to have spread and the cop handed over a warning instead.

Sunday Night 12/25: Hoop and I hit our favorite tavern for a nightcap. I'm really only a seasonal lush, I swear. People were loud and cheerful. I got groped by a midget and three girls. To which Hoop asked, "Should I be pissed or not? I'm confused." We came to the conclusion that the midget surely deserved whatever perks he could get and the girls were allowed freebees on account of the holiday. Although next time I'm free to mace them if I desire.

Monday 12/26: Four words... Sleeping, Pigging, Visiting, Sleeping. Ok, so I repeated one of them. But I did it twice.

So here I am, back at work. I got trashed. The house is trashed. The tree is bare. My fridge is full of leftovers. Hoop is happy. I'm happy. New Years is in five days... FIVE DAYS. My liver is screaming, "It's just not fair!" Hopefully everyone had an equally as pleasant, if not crazy, holiday. I hope you all got what you wanted and the things that you didn't can be taken back. May the kids finally be satiated, the hubbies out of the dog house, and your wallets on the path to recovery. Bless you all!

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14 Comments:

At 27 December, 2005, Anonymous TB said...

Throw in a movie about a big sad ape and our Mondays sound eerily similar.

I'm back at work today too, if you want to call it that. Here's to another short week!

 
At 27 December, 2005, Blogger mama_tulip said...

"You know you're finally an adult when dishes make you all warm and fuzzy inside."

Depends. Are they dirty or clean?

Sounds like a good holiday!

 
At 27 December, 2005, Blogger Pixie LaRouge said...

What a great Christmas! Mine was loud, noisy, chaotic and full of family. And I managed to get three cool presents, too! (and, oddly, lots of socks. MIL, aunt and someone else that isn't popping into my head)

 
At 27 December, 2005, Blogger Mary said...

Sounds like a great weekend!! Now rest up for next weekend! Even I get to ditch, I mean uh hire a babysitter, and get to go get smashed.

 
At 27 December, 2005, Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

It sounds like a great time. Groped by a midget, aye? Hmm, I'll put that on my to do list for next year.

I am back at work again ~ or more aptly, dead man's land.

 
At 27 December, 2005, Blogger Shrinking Violet said...

Sound like you had fun! and I'm with Mama Tulip. Were the dishes dirty or clean?

 
At 27 December, 2005, Blogger Tink said...

TB: From one office grunt to another... Try not to drool on your computer keys. ;)

MT and SV: Clean, thankfully! They were a gift from my Mom. It's sort of a double edged sword. On one hand I'm grateful. On the other, I wonder if this is a push to get me to be more domestic?

Pixie: Ugh, socks. I'm hoping it was a gag present.

Mary: I'll toast to you at 11. Here's hoping you forget you have kids until the hangover has ebbed.

Ditsy: I wish I could say he was dressed like an elf. But he wasn't... When he grabbed a handful I felt like I was being molested by one of my little brothers. BTW: I'm going to hell for the above comments, I know.

 
At 27 December, 2005, Blogger Brooke said...

Love it!
And the keg shirt was freakin' classic!

 
At 27 December, 2005, Anonymous Amanda B. said...

Bwahahaha! You had quite an adventurous Christmas!

I miss the good old days of being groped by midgets. Sigh.

 
At 27 December, 2005, Blogger Arabella said...

Mmmmm.....lots of cookies! What kind were they?

Glad you had such a fun Christmas!

 
At 27 December, 2005, Blogger Alien said...

OK...

Number one... I want that shirt.

Number two... I realize you don't know this about me, but I have this horrible, irrational fear of midgets. They freak me out. (Totally un-PC, I know.) Although I did once get stoned with two of them that were professional wrestlers, but that was in my younger days and I was too trashed that night to be afraid of them. LOL!

 
At 28 December, 2005, Blogger The Queen Mama said...

Bob Marley AND the Chipmunks?! That's like mixing pot with ultra-sweet fudge...wait a minute, that's not such a bad combo.

My liver is feeling similarly abused. Oh, well. In the words of Eddie Murphy, "Merry New Year!"

 
At 28 December, 2005, Blogger Tink said...

I made Jam Thumbprint, Peanut Butter Blossom (with Hershey kisses in the center), Cake Batter Cookies, and Chocolate Chip.

I found the shirt at Rue21 about 2 months ago. It was only 9 bucks too! Best dang find ever. I'm wishing I had bought two now.

 
At 28 December, 2005, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I'm jealous. I didn't get groped by girls or a midget. Just my husband.

Sounds awfully fun!!

 

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