Friday, January 13, 2006

Looking...

Looking Back: I believe that all things are connected. Life is constantly showing us signs that we either miss or don't know how to interpret. One of my favorite books is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I actually read it twice, back to back, just so I could soak it all in. I'm always looking for these signs. I'm always looking for another reason to believe that humanity is beautiful in the way that everything is here because of everything else around it. So it frustrates me to no end when I catch one of these "signs" and don't know what it was intended for.

Back when I lived at the
Flop House I was friends with a girl I'll call TW. For years we had been inseparable. Her parents joked about me needing to bring them adoption papers. The majority of people that inhabited the Flop House were friends she'd acquired over the year we had grown apart. I trusted her judgment. I shouldn't have. The last night I spent in that house, we had a vicious fight. Drug deals had been going on inside the house without my knowledge. Or maybe I just chose to be blind. We started screaming at one another about it and suddenly I had a girl twice my size hurtling herself at me. I remember getting my head put through a mirror and somehow us ending up in the bathroom. The cops were called and parents arrived uninvited. It was a mess.

I'm so much healthier now. I can't be grateful enough for how good my life has become. And I haven't thought about TW in a long time. Last night, as I was getting out of the car for school, I smelled perfume that reminded me so much of her. That alone wouldn't have been anything strange if not for the girl I met on break. I actually caught my breath when she asked me for a light for her cigarette. She looked exactly like TW had on the day that I first met her. She sounded like her. She had the same mannerisms. "What are you going to school for?" I asked and then held my breath. I just knew it was going to be the same that TW's had been. "Nursing." My head and hands felt tingly all of a sudden. I excused myself and left the courtyard.

I thought about it all the way home. WHY? Why did I meet this girl that reminded me of TW? Was the real TW OK? Was there a point to what just happened? It's odd. The week I finally decide to pitch all those souvenirs to my past life, I see someone that could be a twin to the girl who made me change it all. Oh... There it is... The epiphany. She was the final push that made me change it all. I would have done it eventually. But she made me do it then, which has made all the difference since. Thank you TW, wherever you are. I hope you got off the drugs. I hope you left those toxic friends behind. I hope life finds you as happy as you have made mine. I hope you never forget to see the signs.

Looking Around: For the last two nights I have been plagued with the strangest dreams! In one I was grocery shopping with Hoop, only I didn't recognize any of the food he was picking up. In another I was taking a shit, and my Mom kept barging into the bathroom to tell me the Playstation2 wouldn't work for her. In another I was walking through my house, but I couldn't keep from bumping into the walls. I wake up feeling like I'm drunk, or was drunk, or should be getting drunk in order to make up for the sleepless nights.

I went
here to try and find out what my dreams could mean. Then I got bored... So I decided to look up more interesting words instead lol.

Pickled: "Signifies some anxiety, fear or realization that you may be in trouble. Alternatively, the pickle may be seen as a symbol for the penis."
Beef/Cow: "Signifies your obedience to authority without question."
(So the title of my blog means I'm obedient to the penis huh? Go fucking figure.)

Abominable Snowman/Yeti: "Suggests that you need to learn to find balance between your reasonable, rational side and your emotional, instinctual nature."
Oatmeal: "Suggests that you are well-grounded." LOL Then what's coffee mean?!
Coffee: "Suggests that you should gain some insight and knowledge before making a decision or tackling some project/relationship."
Yankee: "To dream of being called a Yankee foretells that your lover could be less than true. To call someone else a Yankee foretells that your plans will go accordingly without a hitch. To see Yankees signifies happiness, possible gains and a loyalty to your duty and promise." Who the hell dreams of Yankees? And why do I keep getting the mental image of them all prancing in a field of flowers?

Looking Forward: Hoop went out shooting while I was at school last night. I've created a monster. Actually, it's all
The Gunslinger's fault. Don't get me wrong. "The Dark Tower" series is fantastic. I would shamelessly push them on anyone I possibly could. But I'm a girl. I didn't get or expect the shoot-em-up itch while I was reading it that Hoop evidently has. It's great to see him reading. It's a little scary to hear his new found interest in guns. I actually heard him refer to a sawed-off shotgun as being the "ultimate home protection," capable of "spilling guts on the floor." Ewwww.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: That guy on T.V. looks exactly like the drunk guy we saw at the Sub place.

Tink: Yeah, I guess so. Maybe with some dental work done.
Hoop: And speech therapy.
Tink: And after using Visine.
Hoop: After some AA meetings.
...
Hoop: Ok, so he doesn't look anything like the drunk guy we saw at the Sub place.
Tink: Yeah, not really.

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4 Comments:

At 13 January, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Thanks for sharing your epiphany. Eerie when that serendipitous stuff happens...

Heh - that Hoop! Um, you're not in the market for home protection, are you?!

 
At 13 January, 2006, Blogger mE said...

The world is far smaller, and yet far more mysterious, than I usually can imagine. Thanks for the reminder!

I *love* your Daily Hoop Conversations. They remind me of the conversations the Pirate and I used to have before the Vampire came along and hijacked our lives, and sometimes our sanity. Assuming such a thing ever existed...


~Eileen

 
At 13 January, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

I had a friend who, for me, was like TW was for you. We were tight...super tight. The one day the sun came up and shone in a different way and I realized she had been lying to me and stealing from me and had some serious issues. It took me a long time to recover from that, and I see things and hear things that remind me of her all the time. I'm so glad that she's not in my life anymore and sometimes I think those reminders are a way of telling me that, you know?

 
At 13 January, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Chris: Not the type of home protection Hoop is thinking! My line of thought? BIG F'N DOG.

Me: Sanity? What's that? Something you can buy perhaps? Don't taunt me with things I can't have woman!

Mama T: Agree. I wouldn't take back the people in my memories for the world. But sometimes I would like to forget for awhile. Forget that even memories can come back to hurt you. I'm glad for the people we all are though. So in a sense, I'm glad for all the bad people we've had in our lives too.

 

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