Cleanup On Isle 8
Hoop and I had fully intended to go grocery shopping last night. Unfortunately, porking out at an all-you-can-eat buffet does little for your grocery shopping motivation. The closest we came to a supermarket was stopping at the adult one on the way home. That's right. Some people aren't satisfied enough with a shop, they have to build a whole SUPERMARKET dedicated to the stuff. I had meant for the experience to be funny, as visits to "toy" shops usually are.
I should have known something was off when the guy behind the counter looked like the Michelin Man, minus legs. As two male customers from the back turned toward us, I realized I was probably the first female in ages to enter these doors. Despite the plastic phalluses on the walls, the majority of the room was filled with rows and rows of girl-on-girl videos.
Hoop and I walked around doing the obligatory, "What's that for?" and "Look honey, a midget blowup doll!" All the while I felt the eyes of the other customers scrutinizing us. The other shops I'd ventured into, usually with girlfriends while skipping school, had been filled with people giggling as unabashed clerks walked around describing how things worked. There was no laughing in this place. The people that came here meant business.
After ten minutes of heavy silence I turned to Hoop and asked if he wanted to leave. "This place creeps me out," I whispered to him. "Seems normal enough to me," he whispered back as we headed toward the door. As we were leaving, a gentleman held the door open for us before entering. He smiled, making full eye contact. "Have a great night!" Hoop shuddered.
Hoop: We are never going back there again.
Tink: Thank you!
Tink: Wait... Why?
Hoop: That guy made eye contact with us. Guy code strictly states, two guys in a porn shop do NOT acknowledge each other.
Tink: Oh-kay then...
Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: *Points to a woman at the buffet* Would you like me in a sundress like that?
Hoop: Sure! We'll run out to Goodwill tomorrow and get you one just like it.
Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: Do you know what we used to call lips like Angelina Jolie's?
Hoop: "Dick sucking lips?"
Tink: Exactly. Or "DSL" for short.
Hoop: Which makes DSL internet have a whole new meaning.
Tink: "Excuse me. Can I use your DSL?"
Hoop: "I would like DSL over here."
Tink: "I have DSL at work."
Hoop: "How fast is your DSL?"
Tink: The best part is, we're not really talking dirty.
Hoop and Tink One-Liners:
1. Hoop: Move your hands further apart! What are you playing, Air-Guitar or Air-Ukulele?"
2. Tink: I knew you were hiding there. I screamed to make you feel better.
3. Hoop: You're not interested in naming your daughters stripper names are you?