Fart Free Bonding
Last night I picked up Nash so he could help me birthday shop while Hoop was at school. Don't worry, he already knew that. Quit guessing Hoop! Nash and I had a lot of fun, more than I expected to have. Honestly, the kid is starting to grow on me. He's like the similar-age sibling I never had. The age difference between Lil/Big Bit and me made them more like my children than my peers.
The funniest part about the night was when Nash started telling stories from when he worked at the cable company. There was the time they sent him out of state to help businesses back on their feet after Katrina. He was practically assaulted by wild eyed Cajuns looking for a hand out. He slept with his gun and piled every piece of equipment from his truck around the bed.
There were tons of stories about desperate women. One crawled behind the TV with him and asked to steal a kiss. Another flirted and gave away her number before Nash uncovered her wedding rings and pictures given to her by a husband in Iraq. One woman did yoga bra-less on the floor in front of where he worked. I laughed until my sides ached. Who knew working as a cable guy could be so interesting?!
Not Far From The Tree:
Tink: This huge dirt cloud rolled through work today. It was so thick the owner actually turned around on his way to work because he thought the building was on fire.
Nash: Wait... He thought the building was on fire so he drove off like a little girl?
Grandma: Hey! Watch the "little girl" remarks.
Nash: Well, you know what I mean. Little girls are kind of timid and they scare easily.
Grandma: I'm still taking offence.
Nash: The point is he drove away at the first sign of trouble, whether it was like a little girl or not.
Alzheimers Grandpa: How does a little girl drive?!
Nash: *Throws hands up in air*
Today's Spam Mail:
Puke Plucky from Isaac Kaiser
Cranny Emergency Brake from Adam Logan
July Hit Statistics:
1. The leading countries for visits on my blog were the US, Canada and Australia.
2. The primary day for hits was Monday.
3. The most popular hour being 2pm.
4. The #1 referrer was tied between Jay and Mamalujo1.
5. The most used search term was, "Cannoli recipe."
6. My favorite search term was, "guys farting gas bonding." Although, "listen to free willy soundtrack to free the hole" was a close second.
7. The highest hit post (294) was on July 25th, the day I invited Hoop onto the blog.
31 Quirks for 31 Days:
1. I think there must be an art to walking with coffee...
2. ...which I have not yet mastered.
3. When I was fourteen my best friend and I went to see "Flubber" and bawled our eyes out.
4. Do you like how I threw her under the bus on that one?
5. I am a dirt magnet.
6. They should take samples of my DNA to make better vacuum cleaners.
7. I never wanted to be an astronaut.
8. Because I have no interest in seeing puke float.
9. I'm not afraid of dying so much as what I will die of.
10. One of my greatest fears is being contagious and spending my last days of life alone.
11. There's a bush outside of work that smells like cat piss.
12. Who would choose to plant that?!
13. If someone asks me to repeat myself...
14. ...I'll usually change what I say.
15. It's one of my only chances for a do-over.
16. The older I get the less I bend over backwards for people.
17. Unless I want to. Sometimes I don't mind the exercise.
18. I like mohawks.
19. I used to think Mothers' spit was magic.
20. Touching my eyeball doesn't bother me.
21. I drank Pepsi for ten years...
22. ...and then switched to Coke over night for no reason.
23. I think that's when my split personality took over.
24. Yeah it's bullshit. But what a great plot idea!
25. I hate when my bra straps show.
26. I lose things all the time...
27. ...my mind, the car keys, my ring, the sunglasses in my hand.
28. This may come as a shock, but I'm 1/4 blonde.
29. The rest of my natural hair is brown, black, strawberry, and white.
30. Shit, that's 5.
31. You couldn't tell unless you start plucking random ones out.
32. Which I do on a regular basis.
33. And I don't know why.
34. As usual I couldn't just stop at 31.