Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Fart Free Bonding

Last night I picked up Nash so he could help me birthday shop while Hoop was at school. Don't worry, he already knew that. Quit guessing Hoop! Nash and I had a lot of fun, more than I expected to have. Honestly, the kid is starting to grow on me. He's like the similar-age sibling I never had. The age difference between Lil/Big Bit and me made them more like my children than my peers.

The funniest part about the night was when Nash started telling stories from when he worked at the cable company. There was the time they sent him out of state to help businesses back on their feet after Katrina. He was practically assaulted by wild eyed Cajuns looking for a hand out. He slept with his gun and piled every piece of equipment from his truck around the bed.

There were tons of stories about desperate women. One crawled behind the TV with him and asked to steal a kiss. Another flirted and gave away her number before Nash uncovered her wedding rings and pictures given to her by a husband in Iraq. One woman did yoga bra-less on the floor in front of where he worked. I laughed until my sides ached. Who knew working as a cable guy could be so interesting?!

Not Far From The Tree:
Tink: This huge dirt cloud rolled through work today. It was so thick the owner actually turned around on his way to work because he thought the building was on fire.
Nash: Wait... He thought the building was on fire so he drove off like a little girl?
Grandma: Hey! Watch the "little girl" remarks.
Nash: Well, you know what I mean. Little girls are kind of timid and they scare easily.
Grandma: I'm still taking offence.
Nash: The point is he drove away at the first sign of trouble, whether it was like a little girl or not.
Alzheimers Grandpa: How does a little girl drive?!
Nash: *Throws hands up in air*

Today's Spam Mail:
Puke Plucky from Isaac Kaiser
Cranny Emergency Brake from Adam Logan

July Hit Statistics:
1. The leading countries for visits on my blog were the US, Canada and Australia.
2. The primary day for hits was Monday.
3. The most popular hour being 2pm.
4. The #1 referrer was tied between Jay and Mamalujo1.
5. The most used search term was, "Cannoli recipe."
6. My favorite search term was, "guys farting gas bonding." Although, "listen to free willy soundtrack to free the hole" was a close second.
7. The highest hit post (294) was on July 25th, the day I invited Hoop onto the blog.

31 Quirks for 31 Days:
1. I think there must be an art to walking with coffee...
2. ...which I have not yet mastered.
3. When I was fourteen my best friend and I went to see
"Flubber" and bawled our eyes out.
4. Do you like how I threw her under the bus on that one?
5. I am a dirt magnet.
6. They should take samples of my DNA to make better vacuum cleaners.
7. I never wanted to be an astronaut.
8. Because I have no interest in seeing puke float.
9. I'm not afraid of dying so much as what I will die of.
10. One of my greatest fears is being contagious and spending my last days of life alone.
11. There's a bush outside of work that smells like cat piss.
12. Who would choose to plant that?!
13. If someone asks me to repeat myself...
14. ...I'll usually change what I say.
15. It's one of my only chances for a do-over.
16. The older I get the less I bend over backwards for people.
17. Unless I want to. Sometimes I don't mind the exercise.
18. I like mohawks.
19. I used to think Mothers' spit was magic.
20. Touching my eyeball doesn't bother me.
21. I drank Pepsi for ten years...
22. ...and then switched to Coke over night for no reason.
23. I think that's when my split personality took over.
24. Yeah it's bullshit. But what a great plot idea!
25. I hate when my bra straps show.
26. I lose things all the time...
27. ...my mind, the car keys, my ring, the sunglasses in my hand.
28. This may come as a shock, but I'm 1/4 blonde.
29. The rest of my natural hair is brown, black, strawberry, and white.
30. Shit, that's 5.
31. You couldn't tell unless you start plucking random ones out.
32. Which I do on a regular basis.
33. And I don't know why.
34. As usual I couldn't just stop at 31.


At 01 August, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

31... 34. Who's counting? They're all priceless.

Oh, and tell Nash I now know what my next career needs to be. (Turtle, you didn't see that.)

At 01 August, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Let's hear more about this split personality.

At 01 August, 2006, Blogger Pamer said...

You guys have the best life. i wanna be your friend...seriously

At 01 August, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Who knew that the cable guy could get so much action. He even rivals the pizza delivery guy and rent to own guy. I've done both of those jobs. You do meet very interesting people.

You know what's amazing? 99% of the people I meet have no personality whatsoever. You have two .. and their both interesting. How cool is that?

At 01 August, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

"7. I never wanted to be an astronaut.
8. Because I have no interest in seeing puke float"

You are too funny............

"16. The older I get the less I bend over backwards for people."

Just wait, in another 10 years or so you'll start expecting people to bend over backwards for you. That's when things really start to get fun :-)

At 01 August, 2006, Anonymous OddMix said...

Great Post! I like Nash's way of thinking... and AG's, too.

I need to make another list. I keep thinking of things Ileft off the first one.

At 01 August, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

"guys farting gas bonding"

Tink, I'm totally dying over here, again. You completely crack me up. And I'd really worry about some woman throwing herself at me behind the TV. I'd be outta there.

And what's with bra-less yoga??? At least it wasn't jumping jacks.

I totally love your random thoughts. How you go from one to another simply amazes me.

And I completely make use of do-overs too. Except in my case, I'll come up with some "new" technology or product when meeting with a company. I'll even draw things up to illustrate my proposed architecture. I can never do or say the same thing twice. But somehow it comes to market and it works. Lots of do-overs!

Thanks for the daily chuckle. I think you need to seriously consider automating re-runs on the weekends when you're away. :)

At 01 August, 2006, Anonymous susan said...

I love that you change what you said the first time. I think I'm gonna steal that idea as I hate repeat myself. I think people should be hanging on to every single word I say!

At 01 August, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

You get the best search hits.

For some reason, I have absolutely no problem walking with coffee, but I can't walk with tea. Go figure.

At 01 August, 2006, Blogger graymama said...

26. I lose things all the time...
27. ...my mind, the car keys, my ring, the sunglasses in my hand.

Once while driving the car, I checked my pockets to make sure I had my car keys :-P

At 01 August, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Foo: LOL. Get him Turtle!

Mamalujo: Shhhh. We don't want to alert the "other one" to the situation.

Pamer: Aw, gladly! One can never have too many friends. Unless you're my old friend J. He used to ditch everyone around Christmas because he was broke.

Jay: I think it's because you live in a dry county Jay... You know I'm never going to get over that. I want to send you a big bottle of Rum to compensate.

Newt: Why wait? I should start pushing that now!

OddMix: I think you should update it once every six months at least. I wouldn't complain. I LOVE reading those things.

Mike Y: "I think you need to seriously consider automating re-runs on the weekends when you're away. :)" That would be awesome! How can I do that my-clever-inventor-friend? That's your new title btw.

Susan: They will once they figure it out. ;)

Arabella: I can't even do it with a CLOSED container, so you're way ahead of me girl.

Graymama: I once tried to find my cell phone while I was talking to Hoop... on it.

At 01 August, 2006, Anonymous mamatulip said...

"listen to free willy soundtrack to free the hole"

LMAO. What hole?!

At 01 August, 2006, Blogger eric said...

the cable guy. does he have a lisp and like to karaoke to jefferson airplane?

my big search words are "shit pants." go figure, right?


At 01 August, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

MamaT: I'm hoping it's one you can blow out of? :)

Eric: LOL. You are forever going to be known for that story. But we all love you for it.

I just tried out that Haiku generator again and got:

of my gift i know
you want to come home after
a hard day of slaying


At 01 August, 2006, Blogger EE said...

*LOVED* your 31 quirks for 31 days.....crack me up! (as usual)

And you totally had me LOL at the cable guy stories...I can only imagine.

At 01 August, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

I think that Grandma and Alzheimer's Grandpa could do standup, with Nash playing the straight man. Heh.

I loved your list of quirks! Um, #1 and #2? Heck, I have trouble just drinking coffee. There's a reason I wear black shirts exclusively...

At 01 August, 2006, Blogger Pamer said...

Tink, my name IS Jay but I am pretty sure i'm not the J that abandons friends at christmas. I love Christmas!!

At 01 August, 2006, Anonymous wordgirl said...

I'm SO with you on #16. I get so tired of saying "yes" to everyone...or...feeling obligated to say "yes".

At 01 August, 2006, Blogger Betty said...

I once "hung up" TV remote instead of the cordless phone. Guess who never lets me forget that!

At 02 August, 2006, Blogger FA said...

Puke Plucky? Who feels plucky after they puke?

Love the 31 quirks. #'s 13-15 are words of wisdom. I love it.


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