Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Clam Bake

Thanks to The Stranger, Seattle's version of our Folioweekly, for providing the blog fodder.

I Saw You:

GARY TO PIGPEN. I owe you an apology from '98, and I have something for you. Is it a gun? Because with a name like Pigpen...

YOU STOLE MY PURSE... I should have asked for your number but felt dumb in front of your Dad. I really hope to run into you again, minus the theft of course. I can't remember the date, but it was a Tuesday I think. You should have let him keep your wallet. Maybe then he would have used the address on your ID to STALK you and you wouldn't have to worry about it.

Women Seeking Men:

INTELLIGENT, CURVY, LOVES SEX. Looking for a sexual relationship with someone who doesn't suck. If you're an idiot, I don't want you. If you're attractive, funny and like a big ass then I'm your lady. Huh. I would have thought "sucking" would be a good thing.

CHILD POET NYMPH. I am 21 years old. I am into fairies, elves, and dressing up like a little girlish/boyish doll. I am looking for daddy between 36 to 50 to take care of me. A fairy and boyish dolls? The man you're looking for is Jackson. First name Michael.

Men Seeking Men:

GOOD LOOKING GUY WORSHIPS FEET. Seeking aggressive, arrogant man who likes forcing a masculine guy to sniff/lick his smell feet and pits. Invite me to your next football party! Bigger, smellier feet are better. That's just WRONG dude.

Swingers:

SUPERHEROS SEEK ALFRED. Wanted, part time bat cave manager. Want to come home after a hard day of slaying supervillians to a clean house and a sub at my feet. Must understand our desires and pull all your resources into making it happen. References required. So... You want a slave. I bet you get tons of calls for that position.

TURNING 50- NEED FUN. My 50th birthday. I would like to watch my beautiful wife, with the most gorgeous breasts, getting gang banged. Don't expect to be winning the "Husband Of The Year" award anytime soon bub.

Shout Out: My Mom used to say that sometimes the only way to get an answer is to project the question out into the universe and hope it comes back with a resolution. As it turns out, the internet will do in a pinch. Thank you
FA for solving my Horse Earmuff problem! Anyone else have a question they'd like to throw out into the Cosmos?

Today's Spam Mail:
Regrettably Common-law Wife from Solly Bass
You don't think these things are prophetic or anything, do you? Like tea leaves? "Oh magic Spam mail, send me an email on what will make me rich!"

Hoop Quotes Of The Day:
1. "I read what you said about my orange shirt."
(Thanks for throwing me under the bus on that one Alien! You might be receiving a shirt in the mail.)
2. "How do they know you didn't just make me up?"

I'll try to get some DOT out by tomorrow. Thank you all for the wonderful comments you left in yesterday's post! Although I'll probably have to start doing some ego deflation to Hoop if you continue.

16 Comments:

At 26 July, 2006, Blogger Pixie LaRouge said...

I am ROLLING over the personals! Some of those are far more personal than I'd wish...

DC just came in to ask what was so funny. At 4, I don't think she needs to know...

Thanks for the great start to my day! (well, it's a slow starting day)

 
At 26 July, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

CHILD POET NYMPH. I am 21 years old. I am into fairies, elves, and dressing up like a little girlish/boyish doll. I am looking for daddy between 36 to 50 to take care of me. A fairy and boyish dolls? The man you're looking for is Jackson. First name Michael. Oh you had me rolling on this one.

And the whole man on man feet thing is just doubly wrong, wrong, wrong!

Thanks for the great laugh! And if any of you are looking for a servant, just let me know. :)

 
At 26 July, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

If I did not know better, I'd think Hoop was made up too! Just kidding!

 
At 26 July, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

"GOOD LOOKING GUY WORSHIPS FEET"

BOO! Creepy foot doctor! .. I love that commercial.

Well I'll be damned, they do make horse earmuffs.

 
At 26 July, 2006, Anonymous OddMix said...

I thought you meant ear muffs for the COLD!

And you meant you didn't just make Hoop up? Sheesh - where have I been?

 
At 26 July, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

"I would like to watch my beautiful wife, with the most gorgeous breasts, getting gang banged."

Dude, how about a nice sports car, instead?

Seriously, though, these are Hi-larious.

 
At 26 July, 2006, Blogger FA said...

SUPERHEROS SEEK ALFRED.--Do you think you would have to wear the bat eared mask? Gross.

Child Poet Nymph -- Jackson. Michael. OMG! That was HIlarious.

 
At 26 July, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Whoa, I think Seattle might have your Folio beat.

Shh... Hoop wasn't supposed to figure out that he's imaginary.

 
At 26 July, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Pixie: Most of the ads in that paper were too personal for MY age! Lol. I actually had to weed through the XXX ones for the R.

Mike y: "And if any of you are looking for a servant, just let me know" And rob Chelle of hers? Never! hehe

Chelle: He's just one of my many personalities. ;)

OddMix: "The Cold" In Florida?!

Arabella: Or, how about a divorce.

FA: Maybe they want to make him Robin, he always was the limp handed one of the bunch.

Chris: It does except that the other half of the paper is ads... and not the suitable for work kind.

 
At 26 July, 2006, Anonymous mamatulip said...

I'm so so glad you posted the personals today Tink...man, I needed a laugh.

 
At 26 July, 2006, Blogger candy said...

That was great!! I needed a good laugh!! Michael Jackson got me in trouble I was laughing so hard my boss check in to make sure I was "working" lol

 
At 26 July, 2006, Blogger Freakazojd said...

Haha! As always, you made me laugh my head off.
I have a "question for the cosmos" - does anyone know how to do the "strikethrough" script on blogger? Been trying to figure that one out to no avail. Hrmph.

 
At 26 July, 2006, Anonymous Susan said...

This was so funny! I haven't picked up a copy of The Stranger since the kids learned to read well. :)

Michael had my rolling!

 
At 27 July, 2006, Blogger F&W said...

Answer from cosmos: use the s element just like you would with b for bold or i for italic.

Thanks for hilarious post, Tink!

 
At 27 July, 2006, Blogger Freakazojd said...

Woo! Thanks chelle p! Seriously - I'm very excited and have to go and try it IMMEDIATELY. :)

 
At 27 July, 2006, Blogger Heather said...

Lucky for me Jake knows the website exists but he thinks I just write fluffy things on it. Either that or he is just choosing to block out any thoughts. He is BAD with computers so I don't have to worry about him stumbling upon it any time soon!

 

Post a Comment

<< Home