The Good, Bad, and Ugly.
Seven days ago I hopped a plane that would cross four time zones, eleven states, and drop me off in the middle of my own Jerry Springer Show.
They should make T-Shirts that say, "I survived my family vacation."
1. The moment I stepped foot in Seattle I was breathless with the beauty of the water and mountains.
2. Until some idiot pointed out, "one of those mountains is really an active volcano."
3. "You don't say!" *One foot back on the plane*
4. And then of course the other idiots thought it was OK to start talking.
5. "There's actually TWO volcanoes." "That's right! Mt. St. Helens is 96 miles south of here." "They say Mount Rainier is going to wipe Seattle out one day."
6. *Two feet back in* Unfortunately, they wouldn't let me STAY on the plane.
7. But I quickly forgot the volcanoes once we got in the cab.
8. With so many different sights all I could think of was taking as many pictures as I could.
9. And as it turned out, I couldn't take any. My camera broke as soon as I switched it on.
10. Well, HOOP'S camera to be exact. But he hasn't gotten visitation since I took custody of it ten months ago.
11. So I decided to ease my sorrows with some Chinese food.
12. Which would have been excellent, had the waitress not dumped Plum Sauce down the back of my favorite shirt.
13. So I decided to mourn the loss of my shirt with a little shopping.
14. My first purchase was a disposable camera.
15. I took two pictures and then it broke.
16. "Son of a biscuit eater!"
17. Which was a lot better then what I would have said if Lil and Big Bit hadn't been present.
18. The next few days went smoother.
19. The kids and I shared a room, which was my favorite part. We took trips to the bakery down the street and ate handmade chocolates on our balcony.
20. When the men would head off to the pool I'd sneak up to Mom's room and lay across the bed to gossip.
21. My grandparents pointed out museums for us to visit and patiently put up with all the walking and crowds.
22. It was great until we bumped into the technicolor pirate.
24. That was my dramatic pause.
25. You're thinking "WTF?" aren't you?
26. If I ever write a book I want the first line of my story to be, "It all started with a technicolor pirate." And then I won't explain why until the very end.
27. So anyway... Hoop and I went to see "Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" on Thursday night (July 6th) at 12:01. We both agreed it was not worth the drive, the money, or the wasted hours to see.
28. Regardless of my review, the family was determined to see it while in Seattle.
29. So out we trekked in search of a theater...
30. ...right into the middle of a gay parade.
31. Seattle is a VERY diverse place.
32. Which leads me to the character that crossed our path on the way into the movie.
33. Imagine if you will a neon orange skirt and boots, gold hoops, and a technicolor beard.
34. And for those of you with no imagination:
35. Also known as, "The worst picture ever taken."
36. And, "The main reason disposable cameras SUCK."
37. But you get the gist.
38. You're wondering what the hell that pirate has to do with anything right?
39. Other than his horrible taste in fashion? Probably nothing. But it wasn't long after that the vacation went terribly awry.
40. There were arguments on the way out of the movie...
41. ...which carried over to breakfast the next morning...
42. ...and spread thicker over the next couple days.
43. Until suddenly we were having outbursts in the hotel restaurant and shoving matches outside.
43. Are you ready for this?
44. The vacation ended with the hotel requesting we not return.
45. I think I'm Jerry Springer's love child.
Daily Hoop Conversation:
(After picking me up from the airport)
Tink: So what did you do while I was gone?
Hoop: I learned how to whip things.
Tink: I don't think I heard that correctly.
Hoop: I practiced using the horse whip.
Tink: On the horses?!
Hoop: No! On cans.
Tink: Oh, ok. Phew.
Hoop: I think I could be the next Indiana Jones.
From The Balcony
Atop The Space Needle
Bear Head Fountain
Ride The Duck!
A Scenic View
Plane Ride Home
Thank you all for your well wishes! Things are a little crazy today. But I promise to catch up on everyone's blogs on Monday.