Mike-y Liked It!

So why didn't I?

"Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest," an essay.
Tink Erbelle
Composition For Dummies 101

Keira Knightley's overbite drives me insane. You can think me shallow, but it wasn't as prominent in the first movie. Although to be honest her head didn't look as huge in the first movie either. I guess that's what happens when the rest of you is a walking skeleton. I was also unimpressed with her acting, which annoyed me so much I couldn't fully involve myself in the movie. Instead I sat there wondering, "Maybe she's hungry? She's totally eyeballing that parrot."

Did anyone else notice how much of a hussy Elizabeth has become? She dumps her fiance in the first to be with Will. Then she practically throws herself at Jack in the second. Who's next, Davy Jones? Why doesn't she just add insult to injury and go for Will's dad? What happened to Disney making movies with morals? Oh wait...

Lion King- Uncle tries to kill off brother and nephew.
Bambi- hunters shoot Mamma deer.
Dumbo- little elephant gets teased for birth defect.

My biggest beef (pickled beef to be exact) with POTC was that everything I loved from the first movie was erased with the second. There was absolutely no chemistry between Will and Elizabeth. I thought Will's reaction to "the kiss" in the end was pathetic. Hoop would have beat the other dude's ass. Speaking of ass, could Will possibly get anymore up Jack's? I used to have a crush on Orlando Bloom. I think it was the Elf ears. *Purrrrr* If you had told me a month ago that I would get bored seeing him on the big screen for two and a half hours I would have said you were mad.

One of the only things I liked about the movie was Jack (Johnny Depp) himself. The character followed suit with everything I loved from the first, and I thought Johnny was as charming and versatile as ever. The graphics for Davy Jones and his crew were remarkable, although the Kraken left a little to be desired. There were scenes where I was reminded of those old Godzilla movies, minus the Japanese to English dubbing. Bill Nighy (Davy Jones) and Naomie Harris (Tia Dalma) were equally impressive. I still want to know what the hell was wrong with her mouth though. It looked like she'd been eating Smurfs.

The movie probably isn't as horrible as I'm making it out to sound. But I'd much rather dash your high expectations so you're satisfied when you see it, than have you as disappointed as Hoop and I felt when we left. Hoop's so mad he wants to write a blog about it. Of course I encourage it, because who wouldn't want to see Hoop write a blog?

"I Survived My Family Vacation":
When my littlest brother was much younger, people said he was going to grow up as either a Policeman or a Crook. He's a mixture of everything and their opposites. He's loving and selfish, lazy and creative, evasive and courageous. It's a little difficult to take sometimes, but we love him so much. What I didn't realize is that not everyone in our family "likes" him.

My grandmother is dealing with a lot of difficult transitions. Lately her life has been consumed with surgeries, my grandfather going senile, her friends dying, moving, or replacing her. She's scared, and it's made her a little bitter. During our vacation she took to picking on Lil Bit, the person with the least amount of self esteem. I later called it, "an abuse of her adult power." What little kid could fight back against the bullying of an adult family member?

Of course this brought on fights with my Mom, verbal ones in public places. On the last morning of our stay my grandmother took to screaming and carrying on in the hotel restaurant. She was unstoppable. My Mom took refuge in our room. Papa Bear, always the reactionary one, made us kids go down to sit with our grandparents. But when we arrived they'd already left. I told the kids they could go back up to the room and Papa Bear told them to stay.

There are a few things you should know before I continue. Papa Bear is a retired Navy Seal. He's a very large man. He's also not used to people picking fights with him. But I'm not used to people shaking my little brother either. What started out as a conversation outside quickly escalated to my step dad overreacting and treating Lil Bit like a full size adult. I didn't appreciate it. When I tried to break them up I was quickly shoved to the side. Something snapped. My maternal instinct went in over-drive.

I don't think I've ever beat on someone like I did that day. I don't ever think I've screamed such vile things at someone either. I would have stopped if he'd just let Lil' Bit go. But it continued... long after he'd thrown me on the ground between the two hotel doors, leaning on them so I couldn't get back out. It didn't end until I screamed at a hotel employee, amid 40 other guests, to call my Mom. That's how my trip ended. I still have bruises. I'm not sorry. We haven't talked about it since.

So... Yeah. I don't think I'll be taking another family vacation for awhile.

At least not with MY family.

Have I mentioned I have a week trip planned with Hoop's family in August? Oy.