We Come In Peace
Sunday: Last night Hoop and I watched the sky in puzzlement. There wasn't a single cloud above us, but the sky was flickering like there was a storm. I glanced at the clock, 11:45. So much for getting a decent nights sleep. "Want to check it out?" I asked Hoop while throwing on shorts. Five minutes from the house we realized it really was a storm, a distant one off the ocean, reflecting across the sky. But instead of turning home, we kept driving toward the beach.
Eh. Any excuse will do.
Hoop: What if it's not a storm?
Tink: What would it be then?
Hoop: Oh I don't know...
Hoop: What if it's aliens?
Tink: So you think we're driving to our own abduction?
Hoop: That would be interesting.
Hoop: I just want to be remembered for something.
Tink: You want to be remembered for being the first to be anal probed?
Hoop: No! Although having the first clear pictures of a UFO would be cool... Or I could win the Lotto.
Tink: Well if it's between winning the Lotto and being raped by aliens, I choose the money.
Hoop: Tough choice huh?
We followed the storm all the way to the lighthouse where the flashes of pink lit up the quietly floating boats along the pier.
Hoop: Want to watch it from one of the docks?
Tink: Um... Sure.
Hoop: What's wrong?
Tink: Black water.
Tink: Black water creeps me out. You can't see what's in it.
Hoop: What do you think is going to get us?
Tink: I don't know... fucking Jaws or the Kracken or something.
Hoop: We're in the inlet.
Saturday: Hoop kidnapped me.
But that was after I willingly agreed to meet up with our friends, despite the jet lag hangover. The night started out decently. I bumped into an old friend from high school. I scored a free drink. The only blemish was one our friend's drunk buddies kept hitting on me. His main pick up line (if you can believe this) was, "My girlfriend is at home pregnant" and "You want to have sex-on-the-beach (a drink)?" I swear there should be parenting permits. Everyone would have to get a mental evaluation before being awarded one.
Before I knew it, the night had flown by and it was closing time. I quickly wrapped up my conversation and stumbled off the bar stool with one hand clutching Hoop's arm. "Are we going home now?" "Yup. But first we have to make a quick stop at the Jiffy, OK?" I should have known something was fishy when he picked up an 18 pack. But I didn't question him. As we loaded the beer into the car I noticed a guy staring us down from the other side of the parking lot. He pointed toward us and said something to his much larger friend. "We should go," I told Hoop.
But it was too late. The large fellow sprinted across the lot, yelling at us not to close our trunk. "You stole our beer!" he screamed, a black and gold "30th Birthday" lei swinging from his tree-trunk neck. Hoop quickly jumped between us and shouted, "Like hell I did!" I watched as the two came face to face, Hoop shoving the wrinkled receipt for our beer at the attacker. To my surprise, the guy backed down. "I'm sorry man. My mistake." I caught my breath for a minute, staring at Hoop with wonder. "That guy was HUGE!" Hoop watched him leave before whispering to me, "One of these days I'm going to get my ass beat. Will you still love me?" "Of course dear. I'll be the one feeding you soup through a straw."
I rambled as we drove home about how nice our bed was going to feel. Hoop stayed quiet. And then suddenly he burst out...
Hoop: There's something I have to tell you.
Hoop: We're not going home.
Tink: We're not?
Hoop: No. We're going to J's house.
Tink: Wait... You're KIDNAPPING me?
Hoop: Well I knew you'd say "No" if I asked.
Tink: So you decided to kidnap me?!
Hoop: Would you stop saying it like that!
I tried to stay up when we got there, but drunk conversations aren't as entertaining when you're tired and sobering up. Evidently I crashed out on their couch. I woke up to voices right above me saying "Is she drooling?" "She's so cute." "Anyone have a marker?" I decided to get up before they got the chance to give me a mustache.
Today's Spam Mail:
Halfhearted from Jimmy Hester
Gorgeously Pitcher from Nancy Vega
S.O.B. Exit Ramp from Willie Short LMAO! This is my favorite one yet.
Viable Blank from Anna Smart
Indoctrinate Guard from Floy Powell
July Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. ugly shirt Friday Sooo much better than Hawaiian Thursday.
2. beef Easter discovery 5 I have no idea how those relate.
3. gay "all bases are loaded" Wha- ewwwww!
4. pickled penis Seek. Help. Now.
Contest courtesy of Odd Mix:
Unfortunately, I am camera-less at the moment and couldn't participate. But don't let that stop you from clicking over to his site and checking out those who did. Hopefully I'll have a new friend by next weekend.
Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Did you fart?
Hoop: No, that's sulfur water.
Tink: Florida is the only place I've ever been where the water smells.
Hoop: Everybody complains, but I don't think it's all that bad. It actually smells a little sweet to me.
Tink: Don't tell me it smells like roses.
Hoop: More like Binaca.
Tink: Sprayed AFTER someone farted maybe.
Hoop: I think you're on to something there.
Hoop: Butt Mints.