Monday, July 17, 2006

We Come In Peace

Sunday: Last night Hoop and I watched the sky in puzzlement. There wasn't a single cloud above us, but the sky was flickering like there was a storm. I glanced at the clock, 11:45. So much for getting a decent nights sleep. "Want to check it out?" I asked Hoop while throwing on shorts. Five minutes from the house we realized it really was a storm, a distant one off the ocean, reflecting across the sky. But instead of turning home, we kept driving toward the beach.

Eh. Any excuse will do.

Hoop: What if it's not a storm?
Tink: What would it be then?
Hoop: Oh I don't know...
Tink: Hoop.
Hoop: What if it's aliens?
Tink: So you think we're driving to our own abduction?
Hoop: That would be interesting.
Tink: Interesting?!
Hoop: I just want to be remembered for something.
Tink: You want to be remembered for being the first to be anal probed?
Hoop: No! Although having the first clear pictures of a UFO would be cool... Or I could win the Lotto.
Tink: Well if it's between winning the Lotto and being raped by aliens, I choose the money.
Hoop: Tough choice huh?

We followed the storm all the way to the lighthouse where the flashes of pink lit up the quietly floating boats along the pier.

Hoop: Want to watch it from one of the docks?
Tink: Um... Sure.
Hoop: What's wrong?
Tink: Black water.
Hoop: What?
Tink: Black water creeps me out. You can't see what's in it.
Hoop: What do you think is going to get us?
Tink: I don't know... fucking Jaws or the Kracken or something.
Hoop: Babe.
Tink: Yeah?
Hoop: We're in the inlet.
Tink: Oh.

Saturday: Hoop kidnapped me.

But that was after I willingly agreed to meet up with our friends, despite the jet lag hangover. The night started out decently. I bumped into an old friend from high school. I scored a free drink. The only blemish was one our friend's drunk buddies kept hitting on me. His main pick up line (if you can believe this) was, "My girlfriend is at home pregnant" and "You want to have sex-on-the-beach (a drink)?" I swear there should be parenting permits. Everyone would have to get a mental evaluation before being awarded one.

Before I knew it, the night had flown by and it was closing time. I quickly wrapped up my conversation and stumbled off the bar stool with one hand clutching Hoop's arm. "Are we going home now?" "Yup. But first we have to make a quick stop at the Jiffy, OK?" I should have known something was fishy when he picked up an 18 pack. But I didn't question him. As we loaded the beer into the car I noticed a guy staring us down from the other side of the parking lot. He pointed toward us and said something to his much larger friend. "We should go," I told Hoop.

But it was too late. The large fellow sprinted across the lot, yelling at us not to close our trunk. "You stole our beer!" he screamed, a black and gold "30th Birthday" lei swinging from his tree-trunk neck. Hoop quickly jumped between us and shouted, "Like hell I did!" I watched as the two came face to face, Hoop shoving the wrinkled receipt for our beer at the attacker. To my surprise, the guy backed down. "I'm sorry man. My mistake." I caught my breath for a minute, staring at Hoop with wonder. "That guy was HUGE!" Hoop watched him leave before whispering to me, "One of these days I'm going to get my ass beat. Will you still love me?" "Of course dear. I'll be the one feeding you soup through a straw."

I rambled as we drove home about how nice our bed was going to feel. Hoop stayed quiet. And then suddenly he burst out...

Hoop: There's something I have to tell you.
Tink: Oh?
Hoop: We're not going home.
Tink: We're not?
Hoop: No. We're going to J's house.
Tink: Wait... You're KIDNAPPING me?
Hoop: Well I knew you'd say "No" if I asked.
Tink: So you decided to kidnap me?!
Hoop: Would you stop saying it like that!

I tried to stay up when we got there, but drunk conversations aren't as entertaining when you're tired and sobering up. Evidently I crashed out on their couch. I woke up to voices right above me saying "Is she drooling?" "She's so cute." "Anyone have a marker?" I decided to get up before they got the chance to give me a mustache.

Today's Spam Mail:
Halfhearted from Jimmy Hester
Gorgeously Pitcher from Nancy Vega
S.O.B. Exit Ramp from Willie Short LMAO! This is my favorite one yet.
Viable Blank from Anna Smart
Indoctrinate Guard from Floy Powell

July Search Terms:
(What people put into search engines that bring them here)
1. ugly shirt Friday Sooo much better than Hawaiian Thursday.
2. beef Easter discovery 5
I have no idea how those relate.
3. gay "all bases are loaded" Wha- ewwwww!
4. pickled penis Seek. Help. Now.

Contest courtesy of
Odd Mix:

Unfortunately, I am camera-less at the moment and couldn't participate. But don't let that stop you from clicking over to his site and checking out those who did. Hopefully I'll have a
new friend by next weekend.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Did you fart?
Hoop: No, that's sulfur water.
Tink: Florida is the only place I've ever been where the water smells.
Hoop: Everybody complains, but I don't think it's all that bad. It actually smells a little sweet to me.
Tink: Don't tell me it smells like roses.
Hoop: More like Binaca.
Tink: Sprayed AFTER someone farted maybe.
Hoop: I think you're on to something there.
Tink: What?
Hoop: Butt Mints.


At 17 July, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

"My girlfriend is at home pregnant."

This one totally takes the cake.

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger Rude Cactus said...

Heh...but mints. Rich. Oh, and driving to your own abduction would suck. Make em work for it.

At 17 July, 2006, Anonymous Mike Y said...

Tink: You want to be remembered for being the first to be anal probed?

Ohhh, I'm totally cracking up over here.

It's great to have you back! Sorry about the broken camera. Need more details on your Springer episode when you get a chance.

And why didn't you like Pirates? Were you wishing you had a puffy shirt too???

Again, welcome back. You can never, ever, leave again :)

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

So was Hoop jumping between YOU and the huge guy OR the BEER and the huge guy? And would he jump between you and the aliens like that?

Butt mints? You finished your post with Butt mints? hahahaha Beautiful.

At 17 July, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Oh my god, Jeff and I have that same "Did you fart?" conversation all the time. Too much in fact. It makes me wonder if one or both of us has a problem.

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger Kell said...

Welcome back, Tink! Look forward to seeing your pictures next time.

At 17 July, 2006, Anonymous OddMix said...

"Butt Mints" *snort* That is just wrong... but disturbingly plausible.

SO glad you are back. The withdrawals were killing me.

And my word verificatin is EKBAG. I am not sure how to translate that precisely, but it can't be good.

At 17 July, 2006, Anonymous OddMix said...

And my pictures are up now.

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Butt Mints. That's precious.

"Is she drooling?" I think if you have to ask, the answer is yes.

Pickled penis. Maybe with beer?

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

Am I the only one who remembers the skit on Flatuscents from In Living Color?

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Another month of Hoop and Tink gone already?
Oh wait, it's only mid-July.
You tricked me!

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

I like the smell of my own farts. Don't you?

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

One of these days I'm going to get my ass beat. Will you still love me?" "Of course dear. I'll be the one feeding you soup through a straw."

(coffee came out the nose on that one)

She's so cute." "Anyone have a marker?"

(more coffee out the nose)

God we missed you. And I have to ask too, what didn't you like about pirates?

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger eric said...

the kracken, hunh?

did you like that movie. i thought it was kind of disappointing.

and yeah, i lived by the coast for a couple years and that water is weird. i hear people get used to it, but i never really did because we were on water from the savannah river.


At 17 July, 2006, Anonymous mamatulip said...

I love watching storms roll in over the water. So, so cool.

Call me stupid, but what the hell is Kracken?

And seriously, Butt Mints? LMFAO. That's the best Hoop convo yet.

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

You mean to say you *haven't* already been abducted by aliens?

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Arabella: I know... The cure for people like that is castration.

Rude Cactus: What really got me is how excited Hoop seemed at the prospect. It's just not right on SO many levels.

Mike: "Need more details on your Springer episode when you get a chance. And why didn't you like Pirates?" I'll make that my blog fodder for tomorrow, just for you.

"Were you wishing you had a puffy shirt too???" Was it that obvious?! ;)

Jay: Ya know, I THOUGHT it was between me and the big guy. But now that you mention it... "You finished your post with Butt mints?" Butt of course. hehe

TB: I always know when it's Hoop because the first thing out of his mouth is, "Duff!!" Mind you, the dogs have been at my Mom's for a month.

Kell: And I look forward to posting them. *Sigh* I miss having a camera.

Odd Mix: Forgive me. I haven't gotten a chance to evaluate the pics yet. Work has got me on a hamster wheel. But I'll be popping on when I get home to look.

Deb: I'm a drooler. Sexy huh? Hoop especially loves it when I fall asleep on his arm.

Jay: Who? ME? Nooooo.

Mamalujo1: LMAO. I wouldn't even admit that in a court of law dear.

Newt: I missed you too! I'll give you my pirate review tomorrow matey, arg.

Eric: We have the ocean, a river, and an inlet. I get sooo confused. To play it safe I don't swim in any after dark. I've seen too many sharks caught off our ocean pier at night. *Shiver*

MamaT: The Kracken *Looks it up on google* is evidently spelled "Kraken." Glad I didn't try for an English major.

MrsPao: Shhhh. ;)

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

I missed you! I know you are busy, but you'll have to go back to my TT the day you left. I mentioned you in it.

My son does not like pirates either (oh, you missed that picture, forgot!)

Anyway, so happy you're back!

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger EE said...

That storm sounds *freaky*. Yikes...

LMAO at the dude whose pick up line was "my wife is at home pregnant"...uh huh...yeah.......snort!

Glad to have you back!!!! :)

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger EE said...

Ok, it was a girlfriend....same differ, right?! LOL

At 17 July, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Hee hee - the phrase you selected s your post title is also the phrase selected by the company for which I work to be part of its new branding campaign.

At 18 July, 2006, Blogger Freakazojd said...

Oh my God, I can't get over how consistently HILARIOUS you are!
Hope your new camera comes in soon so you can rejoin the WWC festivities. :)

At 18 July, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

Welcome back.

Kind of a surreal post, today. Don't know why it struck me that way, but maybe it's because it's been so long since I had one of those long, disjointed nights of bar hopping and after. I vaguely recall a lot of late nights like that, but it was 20 years ago.

Now I'm usually in bed with my wife on one side and a cat on the other by 10.

At 18 July, 2006, Anonymous wordgirl said...

"Butt mints". You guys need to write for a comedy show.

At 18 July, 2006, Blogger Heather said...

LOL, thanks for always making me laugh.

PS I have a Canon and I LOVE it.

At 18 July, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Chelle: You had to MAKE him dress up? Poor baby. We couldn't get my brothers OUT of costume. I think Lil Bit was Superman for a whole week.

EE: LOL. Goob.

Chris: Really? That's so cool! Any hints what kind of product it is? Cause I have a pretty dirty mind. hehe

Freakazojd: Aw thanks. Me too. Losing my camera was like losing my third hand... Bet you read that twice huh?

Foo: Well... My life IS a bit surreal. So the fact that you feel out of place in this conversation is probably a good indication. ;)

Heather: Good to know. I'm itching to go buy it now so I can have it for this weekend. Must. Wait. For. Paycheck. Online shopping is a baaaad thing.

At 18 July, 2006, Blogger FA said...

Nice pick up line. I'll have to jot that one down. LOL!

Butt mints? That is one of my all time favorite Hoop conversations!!

At 18 July, 2006, Blogger Cheryl said...

ROFLMAO Butt Mints!!! Now why didn't I think of that??? More importantly, why didn't Foo think of that! He's the more creative blogger of the 2 of us.

Welcome back Tink! You were missed. That was a great intro blog to your return. to Hoop, as well.


Post a Comment

<< Home