Thursday, August 03, 2006

Have You Found My Ass?

I seem to have dropped it somewhere while I was dragging it around today.

"Tagged!" by
Odd Mix:

Five items in my freezer
1. A tube of corn
2. Twix ice cream
3. Some meat of unknown origin
4. An empty tray
5. A bag of ice from two years ago

Five items in the closet
1. A dirty vacuum cleaner
2. Santa Claus (or at least a model of him)
3. A military trunk
4. Three sets of X-Men posters
5. Two miniature Braves bats

Five items in the car
1. A pressure washer
2. Pennies (stuck to the bottom of the cup holder)
3. Tinkerbell floor mats
4. A hairbrush
5. Jumper cables

Five items in my backpack/purse
1. My camera rolled up in a Crown Royal bag
2. A dull nail file
3. Three different chapsticks
4. Movie stubs from April
5. Wet wipes

And because I'd rather you tag yourself, I'm making up the last question.

Five items in your junk drawer
1. Electrical tape
2. Corona parrot pins
3. Loose screws
4. vibrator remote batteries
5. manuals to appliances I no longer own

Hoop Quote Of The Day:
Do you think I should get bigger boobs?

Around The Water Cooler:
New Hire: I have a problem.
Tink: Sure thing! What can I help you with?
NH: I've been working on this orientation test for three hours and I still can't get it.
Tink: Did you take the class first?
NH: Yes, but the class doesn't teach you the things that are on the test.
Tink: That's impossible sir.
NH: Listen, can I just start working now?
Tink: I'm sorry. It's a requirement that you complete training first.
NH: If I'd know there was going to be a test I would have studied last night!
Tink: That's not necessary. All you have to do is take the class before the test. Have you tried taking notes or writing down the questions from the test and going back?
NH: Of course I have!
Tink: I don't know what else to tell you.
NH: The bottom line is, I don't have a fucking DEGREE in brewing beer!
Tink: Oh-kay.
NH: So unless you're going to send me to St. Louis for training, I'm not going to be able to complete this test.
Tink: Well I can assure you the company is NOT going to send you to St. Louis for unnecessary training. Especially when you are being provided with the information right here. What I can offer you is the chance to try the test again.
NH: ...
Tink: ...
NH: Fine.

And then he passed the test. No apologies. Not even an ashamed look in my direction.

They don't pay me enough.

Things That Make You Go, "WTF?"
1. I once considered making the third bedroom into a ball pit.
2. Clowns can be sexy. Just not the frowny ones.
3. The owner of the pizza place was so cheap, he used to put ads in the paper for the regular price.
4. You're so cute on the pot.
5. Doesn't this birthmark look like an upside down elf holding a heart balloon?

19 Comments:

At 03 August, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

I LOVE that you put your camera in a Crown Royal bag. That just rocks.

 
At 03 August, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

When have you ever seen me on the pot!?

 
At 03 August, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

I would have asked that New Hire: "How the F**K did you get hired here in the first place, dumbass?"

Wet Wipes = always prepared for anything.

And I always wonderd where Santa Clause spent is summers.

 
At 03 August, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Oh yea ... I'll stare at .. uhh .. help find your ass. But, I guess I'm not allowed to touch it if I find it, right?

 
At 03 August, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

Oh Tink, this cannot be your life? It just can't. ROFL.

First off, what kind of distributor is this? I'm just wondering from the beer questions. BTW, in my last company, my vp of marketing was a marketing exec for Annheiser Bush.

Second, I do hope the electrical tape and loose screws don't belong with the batteries. Poor energizer bunny.

Third, clowns are never sexy. They scare the crap out of me.

Fourth, no one is cute on the pot. No one. Not even little Brendan as he's sitting there with the door open, again, asking for me to wipe his butt.

You must have a magical life :)

 
At 03 August, 2006, Anonymous OddMix said...

Who's birthmark is it that is in question? And do we get/want to see it?

 
At 03 August, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Newt: "Necessity is the mother of invention," or some junk like that. Honestly, I'm just to damn lazy to buy a real case. That and it's so much fun seeing the look on people's faces when I open my purse. It's like, "Is she really that much of a LUSH?" hehe

Mamalujo: So... You found my peep hole huh?

Jay: Well if you find it, I won't really be able to SEE you touch it.

Mike Y: >>Oh Tink, this cannot be your life? It just can't.<< The only one I know of at least. :)

I work at a distributor for the "King of Beer." And the brewing class this guy was taking was a joke. Seriously. I think they spent more time telling you how to POUR the beer than actually make it.

>>Second, I do hope the electrical tape and loose screws don't belong with the batteries. Poor energizer bunny.<< No... I think I buried all his parts. Jk.

>>Third, clowns are never sexy. They scare the crap out of me.<< I agree! One word... "IT" *Shudder*

OddMix: *Sigh* Mine. It's a German (white) one I have on my calf. You can see it much better when I'm tan. I was showing it to a coworker. I have no idea WHY. She gave me this look like I'd lost my mind. I'll try to get a picture of it for you tonight, along with that Sea Lion video I promised. :)

 
At 03 August, 2006, Blogger F&W said...

Crown Royal bag is GENIUS. I'll have to buy a really big bottle though to get a bag big enough for Wedge. Yay!

Birthmarks are cool. I think it's neat it has a shape that makes sense to you. Yes, let's see a pic of it please.

 
At 03 August, 2006, Anonymous susan said...

Today I learned that I either don't drink enough beer or listen to enough commericals because I had to google "king of Beer"! I know where Guinness comes from though...

And I learned that moles have nationalities. I wonder where all my little fellers came from???

The clown...yeah...I'm not even going to touch that!

 
At 03 August, 2006, Blogger Peevish said...

I don't know where your ass is!! Anyone who says different is lying! Lying I tell you!

 
At 03 August, 2006, Blogger Pamer said...

Did they mean cute on the "toilet" pot or Cute on the "wacky tobacky" pot???...cuz my mind went right to the weed...always to the weed

 
At 03 August, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Heh, I might've been tempted to say "Dude, I'm not sure we can trust the fate of the nation's beer with someone like you..." Um, hopefully you don't have to work with him??

My junk drawer:
1. wax seals from the top of wine bottles should I ever get the urge to send mail with wax seals on it again
2. Feline Greenies (Ocean Fish)
3. the packet of crap related to progamming the buzzer system on the front door of our building (includes cute minikeyboard!)
4. a leatherman (where the hell did that come from?) and a swiss army knife
5. a perfectly round rock that I can't leave out because the cat plays with it and makes an unholy amount of noise

 
At 03 August, 2006, Anonymous mamatulip said...

I love that your camera is wrapped in a Crown Royal bag.

During my sugar ant infestation I found manuals to several appliances that I no longer own.

They *definitely* don't pay you enough, LOL. And is there supposed to be a birthmark picture? I don't see one.

 
At 03 August, 2006, Blogger FA said...

I don't know that I could pass a brewing test either...a drinking test I would ace though!

Sexy clowns -- wasn't there a CSI about that?

I so cannot wait for the birthmark photo.

 
At 04 August, 2006, Blogger graymama said...

Have You Found My Ass?

Were we supposed to be looking? Is your ass pictured on a site somewhere I don't know about? :-P

You're so cute on the pot.

Reminded me of the SNL skit about "The Love Toilet."

 
At 04 August, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Wow, your job is remarkably similar to mine. Except for.....everything. Everything but the idiocy, that is.

 
At 04 August, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Crown Royal bags are awesome. One time my kid took his marble collection to school in one. Mom of the Year! That's me!!

What is a tube of corn?

 
At 04 August, 2006, Blogger Freakazojd said...

Oh my God, I LOVE that you have your camera in a Crown Royal bag!! And I did the meme already, but I love your question about the junk drawer, because everybody has one! I have the same kind of batteries (winkwink) in my junk drawer...no wait...those would be in my night table drawer, lol!

 
At 05 August, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Does #4 refer to when one has smoked the pot or when one is sitting ON the pot?

 

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