Sunday, August 13, 2006

Hoopless In Florida

I missed you guys!

Hoop left seven hours ago, traveling with Nash to Tennessee for a ten day getaway with the guys. Don't mind the pale shade of green I'm turning. I'm sure I'll *sniff* get over it once I get back to work.

Vacation Recap:
1. Saturday night we all went out to celebrate Hoop's 29th birthday in high fashion.
2. In other words, there was lots of booze.
3. We spent a good bit of the night prank calling a number I'd found written on the bathroom wall.
4. I'm not proud. But it WAS funny.
5. And to be fair, poor Timmy from Atlanta should have never announced on his voicemail that he was going to be gone for the week. That only made us think we could call 25 times without repercussion.
6. I pretended to be Tammy, an orgasmaholic with a fetish for disgusting bar restrooms. He's probably never going to erase that message.
7. Monday, Hoop and I packed the car for a two day trip to Orlando.
8. After spending the day at Wet-N-Wild we both agreed on what we wanted to build, should we ever come across a lot of money...
9. ...a lazy river. Preferably around the house like a moat.
10. That night we went to Pleasure Island to sit in at the comedy clubs.
11. For those who've never gone,
The Adventures Club (the main one), is interactive.
12. I got selected three times during their bits. One involved the heart-throb character Hathaway Browne, who spent the night trying to "seduce" me away from Hoop.

13. Hoop thought it was all pretty funny until they started clowning on him for drinking girlie drinks. We left soon after.
14. Tuesday, we played at Sea World.
15. My favorite part of the day was when Hoop surprised me with a plate of fish...
16. feed the sea lions of course.
17. But I only fed the blind and disfigured ones, since they looked the least loved.
18. I particularly liked one, who I nicknamed "Popeye," since he couldn't seem to help but smile up at me.
19. I begged Hoop to let me keep him, but he told me it would have to wait until we built the moat.
20. Wednesday was Hoop's official birthday, marked with a cake so overloaded with candles it looked like it was on fire.

21. I gave him a PSP, which seems to have attached itself to his hand like a leech.
22. My hope is that his new toy will be less novel once he's had a Tink-free week to play with it.
23. Uh... Yeah.

24. Thursday we went to Devil's Millhopper in Gainesville.
25. It's a large sinkhole. Also a good place to hide evidence.
26. *Cough* At least I IMAGE it would be.

27. Then we drove to Paynes Prairie, a park that boasts to have wild bison and horses on it.
28. What we saw on the other hand, was a baby armadillo and some deer.
29. At the end of one very long trail we found ourselves in the middle of a swamp. "I don't think bison or horses would graze on this," I said. "Maybe it gets clear further down," Hoop replied.
30. It didn't.
31. One mile and four ruined shoes later, Hoop and I came to a very short observation deck. It showed us...
32. ...more views of the swamp. WONDERFUL.
33. Of course the adventure itself, not to mention the company, made it well worth the wet trek.

34. We made up for the lack of civilization by going to see "My Super Ex-Girlfriend" that night with Nash.
35. It was cute. Totally written by a guy depicting women in the most psychotic light... But cute.
36. Yesterday Hoop, Nash, Big Bit, and I packed a cooler and drove over to one of Florida's many springs.
37. There is nothing better for making you forget your vacation is almost over than drifting on a raft through a spring fed river.
38. Tomorrow is yet another work day, and Hoop isn't here for company, so enjoy the conversations below and help me count down the days until he's back.

Days Til Hoop's Back: 10

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: Once the umpires got fired they couldn't find work anywhere else in that profession. So a lot of them had to stoop to working the minor leagues where they literally worked for peanuts.
Hoop: Yeah, cause who would want to hire-
Tink: -You mean, they handed them a big bag of peanuts at the end of the day and said, "Here's your pay, man?"
Hoop: Oh shut up.
Tink: "Hope you have an elephant at home?"
Hoop: You know what I meant. We should probably stop for gas soon. Are you hungry?
Tink: I could eat.
Hoop: Whatcha in the mood for?
Tink: Peanuts.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: Why do you keep scratching your ear?
Tink: It hurts. Is there something on it?
Hoop: Just a little bump, a pimple or bug bite or something.
Tink: It's probably cancer.
Hoop: Don't say that!
Tink: What if I have ear cancer and they have to remove my ear and I end up looking like Picasso?
Hoop: Then we'll grow you another.
Tink: On a
Hoop: Sure.
Hoop: Do you think that mouse could HEAR out of it?
Tink: I was thinking the same thing!

Hoop Quote Of The Day:
How much do you think we could get for Clydesdale sperm on the black market?

Daily Hoop Conversation 3:
(While leaving message on realtor's voicemail)
Tink: So if you need me to fax it to you, call back and I'll run over to Home Depot-
Hoop: -Home Depot?
Tink: Shoot, Office Max. One of those stupid places. Anyway, I'll talk to you later. Thanks. *Hangs up phone*
Hoop: While we're at it, why don't we stop at Pizza Hut too?
Tink: Why?
Hoop: Because I need to put air in my tires.
Tink: Ha. Ha. Ha.
Hoop: Or we could just skip it and hit the gas station for some movies before heading home. Although I'd really like to get something to drink at the shoe store.
Tink: I'm never going to hear the end of this am I?
Hoop: Nope.
Tink: Serves me right for making fun of you about the peanuts.
Hoop: Literally.

Gentle Manatees

Flipper Wannabe

Sweet Sea Lion

Kiss and Be Friends

Shamu's "Believe" Show

(Photo Funnies)

Is that his raft or his girlfriend?

Big Bit as "The Michelin Man!"


At 13 August, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

Tink, I've missed you and your humor. It's great to have you back. And I do hope this is the last vacation of the year, because the withdrawals are getting tough.

Those conversations kill me-- especially the one about the ear. ...Picasso! LOL!

And I recall many of those Florida places from way back when when I was just another squid out looking to get... when my friends and I would have fun out there. And there's something nice about lazily floating down a river, preferably with beer.

I haven't done any of that in over 12 years. Ugh! That does it... I'm gonna build me a moat.

Again, welcome back! And did you ever get the peanuts???

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Welcome Back, Tink! I just got back from visiting my sister for ten days. I am still trying to get back to my routine.

I missed your humor. A daily dose of Tink is what I need everyday! :)

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

Oh, I so missed you ! Great photos!

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

Welcome back, Tink. I think today is the sort of day that made the Blogger people decide to pop up a separate window for comments...

#17 - You and my wife.

#22 - Um, we're still talking about the PSP, right?

#34 - I think we may give that one a miss. On the other hand, I'm really looking forward to the premiere of Heroes. Any thoughts?

Hoop convo #1: Which just goes to show how literally—like ironic—has come to be very mis-/over-used. But I like peanuts, so I guess it's okay.

Hoop convo #2: Thanks for the mouse article. This gives me hope that I may someday get to grow that third arm after all.

Raft or girlfriend? Yes! (When you're going down for the third time, she's a real life saver.) (*cough*)

At 14 August, 2006, Anonymous mamatulip said...

Yay, you're back! Sounds like a good vacation. I'm thoroughly jealous.

At 14 August, 2006, Anonymous OddMix said...

Hurray, you're back!

My wife would so give me that peanuts harrasment - and I would so give her the home-depot punishment.

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger mamalujo1 said...

Missed you. Glad you are back.

At 14 August, 2006, Anonymous wordgirl said...

Enjoy your solitude! And I totally love the manatees. Ever since I saw them on Jacques Cousteau.

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Welcome back Tink!! I missed you lots!

Could you please put that "orgasmaholic" message on MP3 and emial it to me immediately. hahaha

Or, maybe you make a personalized version of that message the prize in your next blog contest. LOL

Or, use it as your audio message on your profile! ha

So glad you're back.

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger Rude Cactus said...

Yay, you're back! Looks like you had a wonderful, busy time!

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

um, van gogh?

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

Oh, and we get movies at our gas station. So there.

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

17. But I only fed the blind and disfigured ones, since they looked the least loved.
18. I particularly liked one, who I nicknamed "Popeye," since he couldn't seem to help but smile up at me.

That is why I adore you :-)Welcome back. We missed you.

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger eric said...

what would be even more sinister is if timmy meant to have his name up there ... and he googles his name and dirty bathrooms and ... he finds you to take you up on your offer.


At 14 August, 2006, Blogger F&W said...

This is, like, the best post EVAH! I lurve me the pics and the description of the swamp adventure. And what post is complete without a BABY ARMADILLO?!

Glad you're back.

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger Betty said...

Welcome back, Tink. By the way, there's a gas station in San Antonio that is also a Chinese take-out place.

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Mike Y: Last vacation I promise :). If I ever build a moat you and the family are welcome over ANY time. Brendan can ride the sea lion.

Chelle Y: I think everyone needs to coordinate their vacations like we did ;).

MrsPao: Thank you! I missed you guys too.

Foo: #22 LOL! Oh man... Coffee does not taste as good when you snort it up your nose.

Heroes- How did I miss that?! That sounds so cool. I'm such a closet nerd. You're totally feeding my addictions Foo.

Mama T: Don't be jealous. I'm completely paying for it now that I'm back at work. *Sigh*

Oddmix: I have a feeling this one is going to come back and haunt me for years to come. And I totally deserve it.

Mamalujo1: I missed you too! I'll be popping by your blog in a few. I'm having withdrawals.

Wordgirl: It breaks my heart every time I hear of one getting hit by a boat out here. They're so sweet and docile, perfectly nicknamed "Sea Cows."

Jay: LOL NO WAY. Can you imagine the kind of people that would entice onto the site? Although... My post content does enough of that as is! :D I missed you too.

Rude Cactus: Wonderfully busy could be my new title. ;)

Mignon: Might I mention I have no idea what I'm talking about? EVER. But sometimes I can fool people pretty well. Movies in a gas station? Take that Hoop!

Newt: Awww. I adore you too. It was kind of awful though. I kept tossing fish toward the blind sea lion and he didn't realize what was happening. The only one he actually got to eat was the one that accidentally hit him in the face.

Eric: Did I say Timmy? I meant... Um. Tommy. Yeah. Please don't stalk me bathroom dude.

Chelle P: Glad to be back! Now if they could only make virtual posting so you all could go along on these adventures WITH me.

Betty: Yeah but can you TRUST it?

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger graymama said...

Hooray your back! I missed you!

I would offer you welcome home hugs, but I am afraid I wouldn't be able to let go :-)

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger Pamer said...

Oh glad you're back. I missed you. Sounds like you had a great vacay...damn I wish I could jump in the car and explore the swamps of central FLA. **Sigh**

By the way...i say Home Depot all the time when I mean Staples(Our Canuck version of Office Max). It used to be called Office Depot up here.

At 14 August, 2006, Blogger Cheryl said...

OMG! I never realized how out there my husband was until reading his responses to your posting. Oh god! What am I gonna do?

Nice to have you back Tink. We were missing you. *hug*

At 15 August, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Missed you!

Please, please keep those beautiful pics coming!

At 15 August, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Welcome back!! I love your list o' vacation highlights. I might have to steal that. :)

Hmm, how are you going to keep yourself occupied until Hoop gets back?!

Great photos, too!

At 16 August, 2006, Blogger Freakazojd said...

Oh my God, you never fail to make me laugh my head off. How is it that you have so many HILARIOUS conversations?! You should write a book of all these funny moments. ;)

At 16 August, 2006, Blogger Peevish said...

Welcome back!!

At 22 August, 2006, Blogger FA said...

yeah! you're back...or wait...I'm back...or wait...huh? :)

6. I pretended to be Tammy, an orgasmaholic with a fetish for disgusting bar restrooms. He's probably never going to erase that message.

I am so writing my # on a bathroom wall. LOL!


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