Thursday, August 31, 2006

Oddball Award

Here are my nominees...

There's a maintenance man at the park next to my parents' house that's been sneaking over to feed the horses. Apparently he puts on a cowboy hat as he's walking to the paddock and then takes it off again on his way back to work. Mom finally tracked the man down and scolded him for trespassing. To which the simpleton replied, "I thought they were owned by the park."

I received an excel sheet this morning with the instructions for it to be filled out and sent back IMMEDIATELY. When I opened it, I realized the whole sheet was password protected, making it impossible for me to type in. I called the person who'd sent it to me so I could request a workable copy... He's on vacation for two weeks.

I'm in charge of employee training for the location of the company I work for. We have another location, run by someone else. So I thought it was a little odd when I received a phone call from an employee in that area. "I need your help," she pleaded. Figuring their trainer was sick or out of town I asked what I could do for her. "I've tried to pass this test six times and I keep failing!" "Have you locked yourself out then?" "No. I need you to take it for me." And she was serious. "I can't do that." She became demanding, "You will do it, and you'll pass." I replied by hanging up the phone.

Got any candidates you'd like to add?

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: What are you doing?
Tink: Poking my nose.
Hoop: Why?
Tink: Because there's a soft spot in it.
Hoop: *Starts poking own nose*
Tink: Is that normal?
Hoop: I have one too.
Tink: Oh good. I was afraid I was going to get a butt nose.
Hoop: A BUTT nose?
Tink: Yeah, where the nose has a cleft and looks like a butt.
Hoop: And here I thought we made that term up when I was a kid.
Tink: Nope. It's a legitimate classification.

Ernesto Update:

And Florida waves good-bye.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
(While watching
The Swan)
Tink: Wow, they did an amazing job on her.
Hoop: Too bad they couldn't fix her personality.
Tink: *Gasp* You're awful!
Hoop: Watch. The psychologist is going to tell her, "We would really like to get you back in for counseling. Plus some speech therapy for that voice of yours. Oh yeah, and there's more."
Tink: Oh my God, look at her boobs! They're HUGE.
Hoop: Evidently when they asked her what size she wanted she said, "The largest you got honey!"
Tink: Even her kids can't stop staring at them.
Hoop: At least her husband will be happy.
Tink: Babe, we need to get bikes soon.
Hoop: Is this show making you self-conscious?
Tink: A little. That woman's husband just openly admitted he doesn't find her attractive anymore. And she's only 30 lbs heavier than me.
Hoop: You realize, they wouldn't even consider you for this show.
Tink: Well thanks I guess.
Hoop: In fact, I would be OUTRAGED if they did.
Tink: Let's just turn the channel and eat some cake.


At 31 August, 2006, Blogger Rude Cactus said...

No one wants a butt nose.

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

LOL...hoop sure knows how you make you feel better....

did you watch the new show Justice last night? I liked it. Mainly because Eammon Walker is in it, and he's one of my favorite actors (Sayid from OZ).

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

If you did have a butt nose would that be enough to get on "The Swan"?

Any guy who goes on national tv and says he doesn't find his wife attractive any more should be given a serious beat down.

How much is that person willing to pay for someone to take that test for her? I can't be bought, but I can be rented. haha

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

So Tink you will come over to the UK and pretend to be me and take my driving test - not :)

How bizarre!

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger EE said...

Thought the horses were owned by the park....okay...[shaking head]

And take her test for her?!?!?! Seriously, WTF?! LOL!

Snort! Butt nose. That's too funny. No body wants a butt nose. Really.

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger FA said...

You will do it, and you'll pass.? Are you kidding? If you can't pass a test after 6 tries you shouldn't be giving orders.

Watching The Swan with your wife / girlfriend is akin to entrapment. A guy can never get away from that unscathed.

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Rude Cactus: Right? Understatement of the year.

Mary: Nope, missed that one. What channel and time is it on?

Jay: Rented huh? I'll let her know. Oh wait, you meant for the TEST. Gotcha. ;)

MrsPao: I failed my driving test the first time I took it... I couldn't find the damn emergency brake. I studied everything BUT the dynamics of the car I was in.

EE: Must be some ritzy park to own three horses and be able to board them on someone else's property huh? Is it just the people in Florida that are this weird?

FA: Actually I think Hoop did amazingly well with the challenge. I felt sexy enough to eat cake after the show. ;)

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Oh, I adore these Oddball Awards.

Here's mine.

I rarely discuss my work, is a recurring conversation that I have with all different kinds of people, from all walks of life.

Other Person: Hi, Arabella, it's Other Person. I just wanted to know if Project X is finished yet.

Arabella, as breezily polite as possible: No, it's not ready yet; we're waiting for you! We faxed you two weeks ago with detailed directions about that thing we need, and then left you a followup voicemail message.

Other Person: What??? How can it not be done? Do you know how badly I need it????

Arabella, twisting the skin on her wrist until it hurts: I'd be happy to help you, but I really need that thing from you that I told you I need.

Other Person: You need that thing in order to finish the project?

Arabella, smacking her hand to her forehead: Yes.

Other Person: And when will the project be finished.

Arabella, stabbing herself in the hand with a pencil: That depends primarily on when we receive that thing that we need from you. When we receive it, we'll start to work on it, and it will probably take [x period of time] after that, assuming that the thing we receive is complete and accurate.

Other Person: Is there any way to expedite the process?

Arabella: The only way to make it go faster is to get us that thing as soon as you possibly can.

Other Person: What thing do you need again?

Arabella: Would you like me to re-fax the detailed instructions [that took me 45 minutes to compose] to you?

Other Person: Yes.

(Faxing and a followup phone call ensues.)

Repeat two weeks later.
Ok, I'm done venting. Thank you.

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Arabella: My Mom does resumes and has that problem with her clients all the time! They don't seem to understand she needs information before she can write the resume that's about THEM. Duh. Glad not all the Oddballs are in Florida.

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger eric said...

how about ernesto?

that guy was supposed to drench us with rain today but turned to the right. i had completely ruled out soccer practice today. now i have to hustle out.

what a prick.


At 31 August, 2006, Blogger graymama said...

I have been reading, but lacking the comment time. I am happy to have the time now :-)

1) Glad you are safe and batteries for your vibrator are always a must!!!

2) Sorry that Hoop’s job opportunity turned out to be a bad deal.

3) I hate when my nostril whistles!

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Butt noses and butt chins are not good! :)

Leave it to a man to say, "At least her husband will be happy!" LOL!

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

Oh, and I liked "Justice" too. It was pretty cool. It's is like a regular law show, except for the end (after the verdict is made), they show what really happened.

It makes you really think about not judging a person just because the media says one thing. It's on Wednesday night at 9:00 on FOX.

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

What Chelle said :) I watched it off of tivo at 1130pm, so I didn't know the time/channel...

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

Butt nose? LOL! You and your terms.

But be careful, I went through 2 years of speech therapy. You need to really watch what you say about people with deficiencies.


SO kidding about that. But I did do the therapy part. Couldn't say my R's or double T's. And I had a horrible stutter. Mmmmuch happier that it's gone. But I never had a lisp, though.

And fire that dude asking you to take the test. That's just wrong. Give me a break.

And I'm glad you're out of hurricane watching. That's just not fun, even when you're pretty sure it ain't gonna hit ya'.

At 31 August, 2006, Anonymous mamatuliup said...

What's worse? A butt nose or a bum chin? oddball award could go to the person (I'm still not sure if it was a man or a woman) who kind of lurched toward me today as I was putting the stroller in the back of the van and asked if I'd give him? her? a ride.

At 31 August, 2006, Blogger Pixie LaRouge said...

Unfortunately, I'm the oddball in OK today. *sigh* One of these days I'll go back to my normally abnormal self. Until then, I'm a college student with not enough time, two kids driving me to drink and a hormonal imbalance that makes me act like a Tazmanian devil on crack. Aren't you glad you live on the other side of the country?! ;)
ps. the word verification reads "bveoz." Where's btuhed?

At 01 September, 2006, Blogger F&W said...

There's something kinda sweet about the oddball who insists on wearing a cowboy hat while visiting the horses, doncha think?

At 01 September, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

You had cake? Hmm, that comment sounded like a perfect invitation for some bone jumpage...

At 01 September, 2006, Blogger Amy said...

Goodbye to Florida, hello to Pennsylvania and Happy Labor Day Weekend to us. LOL

At 01 September, 2006, Blogger Katherine said...

Geez, can't believe that employee! You did her a favor by just hanging up instead of reporting her to her supervisor. I used to watch the Swan, cracked me up! Instead of improving what the women already had, they molded them into plastic unrecognizable barbies!

At 02 September, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

Okay, now that this post is many days old, I have to ask...
Couldn't you save the document as something else, like tinksresponse.doc and then fill it out and send it back?

Sometimes I'm too engineer-y for mass consumption.

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