Here are my nominees...
There's a maintenance man at the park next to my parents' house that's been sneaking over to feed the horses. Apparently he puts on a cowboy hat as he's walking to the paddock and then takes it off again on his way back to work. Mom finally tracked the man down and scolded him for trespassing. To which the simpleton replied, "I thought they were owned by the park."
I received an excel sheet this morning with the instructions for it to be filled out and sent back IMMEDIATELY. When I opened it, I realized the whole sheet was password protected, making it impossible for me to type in. I called the person who'd sent it to me so I could request a workable copy... He's on vacation for two weeks.
I'm in charge of employee training for the location of the company I work for. We have another location, run by someone else. So I thought it was a little odd when I received a phone call from an employee in that area. "I need your help," she pleaded. Figuring their trainer was sick or out of town I asked what I could do for her. "I've tried to pass this test six times and I keep failing!" "Have you locked yourself out then?" "No. I need you to take it for me." And she was serious. "I can't do that." She became demanding, "You will do it, and you'll pass." I replied by hanging up the phone.
Got any candidates you'd like to add?
Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: What are you doing?
Tink: Poking my nose.
Tink: Because there's a soft spot in it.
Hoop: *Starts poking own nose*
Tink: Is that normal?
Hoop: I have one too.
Tink: Oh good. I was afraid I was going to get a butt nose.
Hoop: A BUTT nose?
Tink: Yeah, where the nose has a cleft and looks like a butt.
Hoop: And here I thought we made that term up when I was a kid.
Tink: Nope. It's a legitimate classification.
And Florida waves good-bye.
Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
(While watching The Swan)
Tink: Wow, they did an amazing job on her.
Hoop: Too bad they couldn't fix her personality.
Tink: *Gasp* You're awful!
Hoop: Watch. The psychologist is going to tell her, "We would really like to get you back in for counseling. Plus some speech therapy for that voice of yours. Oh yeah, and there's more."
Tink: Oh my God, look at her boobs! They're HUGE.
Hoop: Evidently when they asked her what size she wanted she said, "The largest you got honey!"
Tink: Even her kids can't stop staring at them.
Hoop: At least her husband will be happy.
Tink: Babe, we need to get bikes soon.
Hoop: Is this show making you self-conscious?
Tink: A little. That woman's husband just openly admitted he doesn't find her attractive anymore. And she's only 30 lbs heavier than me.
Hoop: You realize, they wouldn't even consider you for this show.
Tink: Well thanks I guess.
Hoop: In fact, I would be OUTRAGED if they did.
Tink: Let's just turn the channel and eat some cake.