Pass It On
For ten years I haven't seen or spoken to anyone on my Dad's side of the family, except for Dad himself. My grandfather, Bob, was the pillar. He was the Godfather. When he died, the bond that held us all together dissolved. My father, always the black sheep, was ousted by the rest. As was I by association. Sometimes I think of them and wonder if they ever thought of that little blonde 13 year old that liked Unicorns. Did they miss her? Or did they think she was worth nothing more than their reckless brother?
Today I stumbled across something that connected my life from ten years ago to the wonderful life I lead now... a Myspace account. One of my littlest cousins was six when I last saw her. Beana. She liked dollhouses. She was completely round and always covered in her Mother's kisses. She's sixteen now. I wasn't sure it was her account at first. The avatar picture depicted someone much sadder than I imagined she would be. She's "emo" now. Obsessed with death and thinks the whole world hates her. Untouchable.
Linked to her account were three of my other cousins. One of Beana's brothers is 23, divorced, with kid, in the military. Another cousin is 21, pregnant, and married to a man that looks like he crawled out from beneath a bar counter. Who are these people? I read their descriptions and thought, "Funny. I have to read up on members of my own family like they're strangers." I once had dreams of getting reconnected with them. I fantasized that I'd look them up, call out of the blue, and be welcomed back with open arms. I imagined they thought of me often and just didn't know where to find me.
Another grandfather died in March of this year. I was notified by my Dad through a text message, too late to go to the funeral. I found the obituary in my search across the family's blogs. "Preceded by eight grandchildren," it said. Eight. And I make nine... Sometimes you can't go back. You can't become a round peg and still hope to fit in that square hole. It's been almost two years since my Father and I spoke. He text a few times, and then disappeared with the disconnection of his number. I had counted on the family contacting me if anything were to befall him. But if I don't exist...
There are so many difficult lessons in life. This one may be one of the most important.
I have a Mom that is my best friend, and a Stepfather that calls me his "daughter." I have two brothers, my pride and joy, and Grandparents that want nothing more than my success. And I have a man who carries around my heart like a locket and tells me he loves me a million times a day. That's what's ahead. Those are the things that I look forward to everyday. They're what makes me that round peg. There is nothing behind me... or you for that matter. It doesn't matter who hurt you, forgot you, mistook you. It matters who loved you and who loves you now.
Courtesy of Odd Mix:
The words for this weekend are...
All the cool people are doing it!
Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Ugh I need to brush my teeth. My ass tastes-
Tink: I mean... My mouth tastes like ass.
Hoop: And your ass tastes like mouth?
Tink: At this point, I'm not sure which one is worse.
DOT: Twisted Tink has been updated with a new chapter, "Casino City." Click on over. Try your luck. The odds are Blogger's acting up. But you never know when you'll hit the jackpot!
P.S. So what happens to Scorpio now that its ruling planet has been demoted? That's got to screw with astrology. But I'm feeling really charitable today. So how about I share Uranus with them? I always thought Uranus didn't get enough attention anyway. Heh.
Have a wonderful weekend!