Friday, August 25, 2006

Pass It On

For ten years I haven't seen or spoken to anyone on my Dad's side of the family, except for Dad himself. My grandfather, Bob, was the pillar. He was the Godfather. When he died, the bond that held us all together dissolved. My father, always the black sheep, was ousted by the rest. As was I by association. Sometimes I think of them and wonder if they ever thought of that little blonde 13 year old that liked Unicorns. Did they miss her? Or did they think she was worth nothing more than their reckless brother?

Today I stumbled across something that connected my life from ten years ago to the wonderful life I lead now... a Myspace account. One of my littlest cousins was six when I last saw her. Beana. She liked dollhouses. She was completely round and always covered in her Mother's kisses. She's sixteen now. I wasn't sure it was her account at first. The avatar picture depicted someone much sadder than I imagined she would be. She's "emo" now. Obsessed with death and thinks the whole world hates her. Untouchable.

Linked to her account were three of my other cousins. One of Beana's brothers is 23, divorced, with kid, in the military. Another cousin is 21, pregnant, and married to a man that looks like he crawled out from beneath a bar counter. Who are these people? I read their descriptions and thought, "Funny. I have to read up on members of my own family like they're strangers." I once had dreams of getting reconnected with them. I fantasized that I'd look them up, call out of the blue, and be welcomed back with open arms. I imagined they thought of me often and just didn't know where to find me.

Another grandfather died in March of this year. I was notified by my Dad through a text message, too late to go to the funeral. I found the obituary in my search across the family's blogs. "Preceded by eight grandchildren," it said. Eight. And I make nine... Sometimes you can't go back. You can't become a round peg and still hope to fit in that square hole. It's been almost two years since my Father and I spoke. He text a few times, and then disappeared with the disconnection of his number. I had counted on the family contacting me if anything were to befall him. But if I don't exist...

There are so many difficult lessons in life. This one may be one of the most important.


I have a Mom that is my best friend, and a Stepfather that calls me his "daughter." I have two brothers, my pride and joy, and Grandparents that want nothing more than my success. And I have a man who carries around my heart like a locket and tells me he loves me a million times a day. That's what's ahead. Those are the things that I look forward to everyday. They're what makes me that round peg. There is nothing behind me... or you for that matter. It doesn't matter who hurt you, forgot you, mistook you. It matters who loved you and who loves you now.


Courtesy of
Odd Mix:

The words for this weekend are...


All the cool people are doing it!

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: Ugh I need to brush my teeth. My ass tastes-
Hoop: -What?!
Tink: I mean... My mouth tastes like ass.
Hoop: And your ass tastes like mouth?
Tink: At this point, I'm not sure which one is worse.

DOT: Twisted Tink has been updated with a new chapter,
"Casino City." Click on over. Try your luck. The odds are Blogger's acting up. But you never know when you'll hit the jackpot!

P.S. So what happens to Scorpio now that its ruling planet has been demoted? That's got to screw with astrology. But I'm feeling really charitable today. So how about I share Uranus with them? I always thought Uranus didn't get enough attention anyway. Heh.

Have a wonderful weekend!


At 25 August, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

What are the chances of this going through on the first try?

Anyway, I'm glad that things are going in a positive direction for you. And, I'm glad that you focus on the future and the positive. It's so hard to do.

My number one "flaw" would be that I spend too much time dwelling on the past. Past mistakes, people in the past, etc. ect.

I also feel bad for Pluto. What a tough break. All these years of haning out with the big boys and now he finds out he going back to the minors. Where's the respect? Where's the loyalty? So unfair.

Pluto might as well been working in corporate America. After years and years of great service he suddenly get's kicked to the curb. Told to get out and don't come back.

PS: Tries 1 and 2 didn't go. Here comes try number three ...

how bout #4? ..

At 25 August, 2006, Blogger Betty said...

Does this mean they're going to have to rename Mickey Mouse's dog?

At 25 August, 2006, Blogger Newt said...

Life is about loving and being loved. To hell with all the rest. Your family now, they don't care what shape you are round or square, to them you will always just fit. Nothing and no one else matters. I can guarantee you that the side of your family you don't see, they would be jealous as all get out of what you have. Unconditional love from amazing people. Not everyone has that. And not everyone knows what to do with that kind of love. You are blessed kiddo, don't let anyone else get you down. Especially people that can just dismiss family out of hand, even cute little unicorn loving girls.

At 25 August, 2006, Blogger Mike Y said...

Tink, we adore you and your positive outlook. Well... I certainly look forward to my daily dose of Tinkisms.

One thing to consider, and I think you're on the right path with looking towards the future, is that often we can beat ourselves up about such relations. I did for years and I fueled the notion in my heart that I was disconnected from my family and also from my HS friends. I've come to realize, much was what I made out of it. My family relations are now great. And my HS friends have been looking for me for 20 years. We've been having a blast in the last couple weeks chatting and preparing for our reunion.

The point of my post today is sometimes we need to just lay it all out there. And if they ignore it, so be it. We should respect and feel good about doing the right thing.

And sorry for the ass taste. That's rough ;) Go kiss Hoop, now, LOL.

At 25 August, 2006, Anonymous susan said...

My Grandpa died about ten years ago. He was also the glue that kept us all together. I've had contact with the other side of the family just a a handful of times...they just aren't interested. Not really a great loss, but it still hurts my heart a little bit. Like you, I've made my own little family. Family and friends that I know love me for who and what I am.
Blood isn't always thicker than water.

I'm glad you are happy being the well-loved round peg.

Now about poor Pluto...

At 25 August, 2006, Anonymous Sarah said...

Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved.
- Victor Hugo

I am so sorry for you to have found such hurtful dismissal of your...well, your existence! What a loss they have in not knowing how cool you are.

But you are so brave and smart to look at the people who love you, rather than the people who were cheated by family bs out of the experience.

At 26 August, 2006, Blogger F&W said...

Oh Tink! I love how your perspective is right on target about blood family vs. family that adopts you and you them. You go, girl!

Aaaannndd...find your Dad, please. Even if it's just to make sure he's ok.

At 26 August, 2006, Anonymous wordgirl said...

Who is it who said the words, "Happiness is not having what you's loving what you have." Your mom and your step-dad are perfect examples.

At 26 August, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

That makes me sad about your family :( I don't understand how family just falls apart like that.

myspace is fun, but it always makes me feel a bit sad. Nothing major like being rejected from my family (((HUGS))) more like depressed that I don't really keep in touch with ANY Of my friends from my past. trival I know, but still depressing.

At 26 August, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

You have the best attitude about family that's not in your life anymore. Sometimes it really is for the best and looking forward, cherishing what you have is the way to stay healthy and happy. Good for you, it took me a lot longer to learn that lesson.

PS Twisted Tink is awesome as usual. Except with the "Whatever you do, don't swallow" line, all I could think of was creamed corn.

At 26 August, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Once again, I am amazed at how you have all your shit together at such a young age. You've got a great outlook.

I really believe we make our own "families." And I think you've done a great job making yours.

At 26 August, 2006, Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

My sister chose to leave the family, and we can't find her. I always hope maybe one day, when her kids are older, they'll find us (none of the family has moved, so it's a possibility). Maybe SOMEONE on your Dad's side thinks of you...You never know.

And speaking of planets...You mean Uranus that tastes like...mouth?

Off to catch up on three months of Twisted Tink!

Oh, I forgot how much I missed the word verifications! Why do mine always contain "q"s and "j"s?

At 28 August, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Gradual Gardener! Where have you been? I'm so glad to see you're back. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

TB: *Snort* I just knew that line was going to provoke some interesting comments. Any idea how to change it so it doesn't sound so perverse?

Thanks to everyone for such lovely comments!

At 28 August, 2006, Blogger FA said...

I am constantly in awe of what I read on your blog. The wisdom and perspective you throw out are always ring true. Thank you.

At 28 August, 2006, Anonymous mamatulip said...

Tink, you are wise beyond your years.

At 28 August, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

I've thought about what it would be like if I saw my dad again and have even decided that I might try and find him just to tell him that I forgive him for the crap stuff he put me and my mum through. I found him once but now his CV is off line so he could have died or moved so I might never know. I think you are right to concentrate on your present and future. The past is just that: the past. You are so mature and wise to be able to move on without them.

At 28 August, 2006, Blogger graymama said...

I think I will send this post to my 16-year-old niece. In 2 years, she will make the decision on whether or not it is a good idea to stay in contact with her dad.


I love you and so do many others :-)

At 29 August, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

A very poignant and perceptive post, Tink. I can't relate to a lot of it personally, because with the exception of a couple of sisters-in-law who hate my family and try to poison my brothers against the rest of us, we're a pretty Ozzie and Harriet bunch. It makes me sad to read stories like yours, and yet seeing how you've found your way and figured out who the important people are in your life shows that we make our own happiness.


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