Retraction

On Monday I wrote a post about strange events, one involving me being stalked through Walmart by a gentleman I classified as "mentally disabled." After receiving an email yesterday from an upset reader, it has come to my attention that I should probably clarify the situation.

It was never my intent to offend or belittle the handicapped. I'm sorry if I upset anyone else. Over the years I have done extensive work as an aid for the mentally challenged. So I know how difficult closed mindedness can be for them and their cause. The man that was following me on Saturday was not handicapped in the way you might have imagined him. He was very obviously disabled, mentally. But not in a necessarily harmless way. He was a large gentleman, 40ish, alone (as was I) and the way he was following was not OK. He did not have the friendly/kind intentions of say... someone who has downs. He was not shy in the way autistic people are usually classified. He was disturbed, and it showed.

As I mentioned to the upset reader, "Most of the things I blog are meant to be in good fun. It's humor. I'd be lying if I didn't say I expected someone to take offense at some point. I am surprised it was on this issue though, since most of my jokes concern men, religion, politics and vibrators. Well... I didn't really expect the vibrators to complain."

To prove I don't play favorites among all my other taboo topics:
(Have some tomatoes)

Religion and Politics
Religion and Politics 2
Men
Men 2
Vibrators

Thank you Folioweekly for providing the blog fodder.

I Saw You:

WALKING AT WALMART. You: Squinty-eyed punk with sidekick. Me: Sexy goddess with annoying Conor Oberst-loving friend screaming Bright Eyes who almost got squished from staring at your amazing fine tooshie. I'd tap that! Some English teacher once told her she should be more descriptive.

PALM VALLEY. You: Golf goddess, great swing, great other stuff. Me: Black man, no hair, 5'2" and 280 lbs. I love to race hamsters but for you I would take up golf. Will you teach me? Hamsters?! And at 5'2" weighing 280lbs what the hell were you even doing at a golf course, playing target?

Men Seeking Men:

HIRSUTE MAN. Mature, gay white man looking for hirsute gay white man who needs frequent brushings and rubs. Hirsute: Covered with hair. I really don't need to say anything more. But I think it's good to mention, I first thought hirsute meant "pretending to be a horse."

Women Seeking Men:

SINGLE, FUN BEAUTY. Tall, older, successful, non-smoking, non-racist or discriminating man sick of games. Into all kinds of activities (white water rafting, hiking, sailing, traveling). Non-racist, yet she specifically mentions white water rafting? What about the other kinds of rafting huh? Water bigot. Stop talking in code. We know what you're all about.

I NEED LOVE. Woman seeking a young and attractive man, teeth optional. Hot, older woman needing love in all the right places. A little flabby in some areas, but I'm still hot to trot. Teeth optional. Honey, you need to come by my house. It would be like discount day at Rednecks R' Us.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: What time are you leaving in the morning?
Hoop: About 6 or 7 o'clock.
Tink: And it takes 11 hours to get home?
Hoop: Well, I can make it in 10.
Tink: Hoop, promise me you won't fly.
Hoop: *Spoken as if to a child* No silly. My car CANT fly!
Tink: *Bursts out laughing* I miss you.
Hoop: I miss you more.

Days Til Hoops Back: 1 (He's coming in tonight!)