Revenge Of The Y Chromosome
Hoop's brother is in town. He's a great guy. I have absolutely no problems with him. That is, until Hoop and he combine their powers together. They call it "Male Bonding." I call it "Testosterone Overload." My Estrogen meter is going off the scale trying to overcompensate as I drown in fart jokes and belching contests. I have a feeling my week is going to end in cupcake binges and possibly some forced cuddling.
Highlights of the Weekend:
AKA The differences between Men and Women
1. I always thought a "Mudslide" was just a great drink.
2. ...and a natural disaster.
3. Evidently it's also a crude name for a bowel movement.
4. I can now pinpoint the origin of a fart purely on its smell.
5. In the middle of a movie with his family Hoop exclaimed, "Quit trying to grab my penis!"
6. He was talking to his brother.
7. Family always tell the greatest stories.
8. Like how Hoop used to pee in his bedroom corner as a tot.
9. And how at 14 he got his 9 year old brother drunk on whiskey.
10. Or the fact that all the cops in his old neighborhood remember him by name.
11. Hoop's mother believes his punishment will be children that are just like he was.
13. But my genes might overrule that right? Right?!
14. Guys will respect you if you quote "Jackass."
15. They'll also stand in awe of your amazing sailor's mouth.
16. They will not, on the other hand, understand why you have to spend twenty extra minutes in the bathroom separating your eyelashes from your mascara disaster.
17. Nothing makes a crazy weekend better like the love of your life confessing how much he loves you in front of family.
18. ...right before smogging the room with ass gas.
Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: I don't see what the big deal is.
Tink: You have pictures of naked women on your phone.
Hoop: It's not like I took them! I downloaded them.
Tink: It's OK, Hoop. I'm going to download naked pictures of guys on mine.
Hoop: *Drops jaw*
Hoop: I'll take them off tomorrow.
Tink: That's what I thought.
Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: When I lived at the flop house we used to convince people that the house across the street was Vin Diesel's vacation home. The guy that lived there looked EXACTLY like him.
Hoop: And people believed you?
Tink: Oddly enough, they did.
Hoop: Wasn't the house across the street a trailer?
Hoop: And people believed it was Vin Diesel's vacation home?
Tink: Well you know, he didn't exactly do so hot on his last movie.