Monday, April 10, 2006

Revenge Of The Y Chromosome

Hoop's brother is in town. He's a great guy. I have absolutely no problems with him. That is, until Hoop and he combine their powers together. They call it "Male Bonding." I call it "Testosterone Overload." My Estrogen meter is going off the scale trying to overcompensate as I drown in fart jokes and belching contests. I have a feeling my week is going to end in cupcake binges and possibly some forced cuddling.

Highlights of the Weekend:
AKA The differences between Men and Women
1. I always thought a "Mudslide" was just a great drink.
2. ...and a natural disaster.
3. Evidently it's also a crude name for a bowel movement.
4. I can now pinpoint the origin of a fart purely on its smell.
5. In the middle of a movie with his family Hoop exclaimed, "Quit trying to grab my penis!"
6. He was talking to his brother.
7. Family always tell the greatest stories.
8. Like how Hoop used to pee in his bedroom corner as a tot.
9. And how at 14 he got his 9 year old brother drunk on whiskey.
10. Or the fact that all the cops in his old neighborhood remember him by name.
11. Hoop's mother believes his punishment will be children that are just like he was.
12. SHIT
13. But my genes might overrule that right? Right?!
14. Guys will respect you if you quote "Jackass."
15. They'll also stand in awe of your amazing sailor's mouth.
16. They will not, on the other hand, understand why you have to spend twenty extra minutes in the bathroom separating your eyelashes from your mascara disaster.
17. Nothing makes a crazy weekend better like the love of your life confessing how much he loves you in front of family.
18. ...right before smogging the room with ass gas.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Hoop: I don't see what the big deal is.
Tink: You have pictures of naked women on your phone.
Hoop: It's not like I took them! I downloaded them.
Tink: It's OK, Hoop. I'm going to download naked pictures of guys on mine.
Hoop: *Drops jaw*
Hoop: I'll take them off tomorrow.
Tink: That's what I thought.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: When I lived at the flop house we used to convince people that the house across the street was Vin Diesel's vacation home. The guy that lived there looked EXACTLY like him.
Hoop: And people believed you?
Tink: Oddly enough, they did.
Hoop: Wasn't the house across the street a trailer?
Tink: Yeah.
Hoop: And people believed it was Vin Diesel's vacation home?
Tink: Well you know, he didn't exactly do so hot on his last movie.


At 10 April, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

Convo #1. Funny that all it takes is a little situation reversal to get them to realize their assness.

Your genes will rule out Hoop's, don't stress ;)

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

Aw naw you di'en't just diss Vin!

[counting down the minutes 'til Turtle finds this post and all hell breaks loose.]

Now where'd I leave that popcorn popper...

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Wow, I'm hoping you have some POWERFUL, POWERFUL Tink Gene Mojo to counteract Hoop there!

Hoop Conversation #1 - Excellent. Hee hee.

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger V said...

Awww....the well executed "fight fire with the threat of fire" on hoop #1. Lovely. Only effective when done by a woman. :)

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger Carrie said...

Ah, lovely guy "humor". Gotta love it (and pass the gas mask). ;)

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Ugh, dude...Dave's mom was here last week and she said to me that Julia is just like he was when he was a kid. And the two of them butt heads so much I know it's true, even if I won't openly admit it.

Love the Hoop convos...

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Mary: "Your genes will rule out Hoop's, don't stress" Bless you. Can I send them to you if you're wrong? ;)

Foo: Oh no, I don't want to bring on the wrath of Turtle! I didn't mean it! I'll join his fan club, I swear.

Mama T: *Groan* I'm doomed.

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger Cheryl said...

Tink: That's HER fan club. And don't you be dissin' Vin. So is it? Maybe Foo & I will need to take a road trip. (P.S. I loved his last movie "The Pacifier!" It was hysterical!)

Is there some magic time when you post each day. I'll be damned, I'm never the first.

Men, men, men. Tink, you need to hang around with Foo. Or maybe I'll just send him there. He'll blend right in with the farts and belches.

I do find it funny that Hoop used to pee in the corner of his room. So what did his mom used to get the stink out? The same thing they use for cat urine?

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger Odd Mix said...

Did you know that gas emanations (from either end of the alimentary canal) are properly judged on a four scale rating system? Yep - Volume (loudnes, not quantity), Endurance (length of sound, not of smell), Tone (variability is preffered), and Bouquet are all rated 1-10 and the scores totaled.

Use this on Hoop and he will worship at your feet (as if he didn't already).

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Turtle: LOL! By "His" I meant Vin's. Although I'm open to any gossip you might have on the subject. hehe

And NO, sadly it wasn't really Vin's house. Unless he's married with two kids and Mormon.

Send Foo over. Hoop and him would get along wonderfully I think. But you'd have to come too, so we can make the most of our freedom. :)

You know, I'm under the impression Hoop never told his Mom. Although you'd think it would have stunk. Ugh. BOYS! It goes right up there with my brothers and their booger wall.

Odd Mix: You're awesome! I'll use that on them tonight. I'm making tacos. Evidently I'm a glutton for punishment.

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger Odd Mix said...

Include beans and jalapenos for best effect. Include lots of jalapenos with the seeds if you want him to suffer in the morning.

And read this. It will help you understand Hoop.

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger EE said...

Just keep repeating to genes WILL overpower

You most definately will need some estrogen therapy after so much testosterone.

LOL at the Hoop convo's.

At 10 April, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

Maybe you'll have girls and they will be all girly and sweet and not farty and gross. Then again, I'm a girl and I'm farty and gross...

At 10 April, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

Guys love the potty mouth and dirty jokes from girls, but somehow we can't get away with the farting. NOT FAIR!!

You know, I was just thinking Vin Diesel is kinda trailer trashy. In a hot way. Like he'd be out front with a bottle of Red Stripe working on his Harley in the hot sun.... hmmmmm *shakes head* Whew!

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

Another classic post from Tink.

There is nothing hotter than a woman who can out-cuss me.

At 11 April, 2006, Anonymous sweatpantsmom said...

Thanks for the vocabulary lesson.

I will now be incorporating 'mudslide' and 'ass gas' into my everyday conversation.

At 11 April, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I love the "his punishment will be children just like him" and your following "Shit". That killed me.

Why DO boys/guys/men think gas is funny, harmless and kinda neat?


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