Friday, March 31, 2006

Yakety Yak

...Don't talk back. I guess technically you can't. Muwahahaha. I have you right where I want you. Forget that you can leave at any time. That little red X in the right hand corner of the screen is USELESS to you. Forgive me. It's the coffee. It's Friday and I've drank more than my normal ration. Wait! Where are you going? NO! Take your hand off that mouse. Hmmm. I mean, go ahead. You don't want to read what I have written anyway. You wouldn't be interested. WHY are you still reading?! Leave! I don't want you here.

Still here? Ha ha! That's because I have a degree in "Reverse Psychology." Ok, so that was a lie. But I should. It would go right up there next to my degree in "Bullshit."

March Search Terms: Thank you Foo for turning me on to this.
1. my mom used to save beef fat
2. big buckin chicken ringer
3. stinkweed nickname dad
4. awfully big teeth ta have
5. s-shaped poop
6. what is a dumpster guy called?
7. stupid cupid beefs up
8. beef gay bear older

2 Minutes Of Random Thoughts:
Start. I wish they could make a bottomless coffee cup. But then it would take an awfully long time for the coffee to reach your mouth. And if they could make a cup bottomless, what would stop them from making something that was person-sized? Although bottomless landfills would be nice. Eventually some sicko would go and make a bottomless cemetery or prison though. People would be outraged. Religions would rebel. The government would make bills against it. But of course they'd use it overseas in warfare. The Black Market would suddenly be filled with illegal "Make Your Own Bottomless Pit At Home" manuscripts. The world would end. And it would all be due to one bottomless coffee cup... Wow, this is a lovely Friday conversation. La la la. Tink is deranged. End

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I love you.
Hoop: I love you the most.
Tink: I love you more.
Hoop: You can't love me more than "the most."
Tink: Yes I can.
Hoop: How?
Tink: Say you were counting sheep. Even though the most sheep you see is ten, it's POSSIBLE that there can be more.
Hoop: Yeah well, I still love you the most.
Tink: *Sigh* You're impossible.
Hoop: I liked that whole counting sheep scenario though. Very nice.
Tink: Yeah, what the hell was up with that? Counting sheep... I must be tired.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Tink: Don't forget, we have an appointment with that agent tomorrow to look at houses.
Hoop: Yeah, I know.
Tink: What's wrong? You don't seem that excited.
Hoop: I am. It's just... We're not going to have to buy her lunch or anything are we?

Schoolhouse Talk:
Classmate: I got engaged over Spring Break.
Tink: Really? That's amazing!
Classmate: We'd never even discussed it before.
Tink: So, is he moving in? Are you guys going to start looking for a place. Because I know of this-
Classmate: -You know, I don't really WANT to live together.
Tink: Oh.
Tink: So have you guys set a date?
Classmate: Yeah, we're thinking two years. It's going to be a long engagement because I'm leaving to go to an out of state college.
Tink: He's not going to move with you?
Classmate: No. I know he's the one and all. I fell in love with him at first sight. But it's college. I want to be open to the college experience.
Tink: Wow. Well, good luck.
Classmate: It wouldn't be so bad if he'd just put out.
Tink: *Cough* Excuse me?
Classmate: He's a good Christian boy. He doesn't believe in sex before marriage. We've been together for eleven months and haven't left second base.
Tink: And you're going to prolong that TWO years?
Classmate: He's lasted twenty-eight. What's two more?
Tink: ...Well I'm sure you two will be very happy together.

Have a wonderful weekend!


At 31 March, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

OMG - that classmate conversation is priceless. I know you were biting your tongue.

Tell Hoop that the agent should be buying YOU lunch.

And lastly, Jeff and I play that I love you game too. I'll say something like "You're my favorite husband" and Jeff thinks I should qualify it a little more than that. Whatever, he should take what he can get.

Good luck with the house hunting!

At 31 March, 2006, Blogger Arabella said... said "bottomless."

At 31 March, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

Madeleine tells me she loves me more than the most every night before she goes to sleep. This proves Hoop is really a 4-year-old girl at heart. I always suspected.

At 31 March, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Your search terms are cracking me up, especially the s-shaped poop. Julia always describes her poo to me. Lately they've been "sock poos."

At 31 March, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Whoa. That classmate conversation. YOWZA.

Hee hee - the search term thing is a blast, isn't it? Here are some of my favorites from my blog: "scarf strangulation statistics," "perm party roller picture," "lovechild swatch," and "madonna skirt 80s photos."

At 31 March, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

TB and Chris: I had to stop talking to the girl because it was getting harder and harder to keep a straight face!

Chris: "Scarf Strangulation Statistics" is by far the best. Have you tried looking it up to see what post it's connected to?

TB: That's great! My Mom used to tell me, "You're my favorite daughter." To which I would retort, "But I'm your ONLY daughter." Yeah, I was a little slow.

Arabella: LOL I was waiting for someone to point that out.

Mignon: Holy shit. He IS! He better not start wanting to play dress up with my clothes.

Mama T: Sock Poos? I might need a diagram for that. On second thought... I really don't.

At 31 March, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

Good grief. I thought I was intimacy retarded for not getti-- er... holding out 'til 24.

Bottomless pits would be handy come trash day, but I always wanted one of those portable holes like in the Bugs Bunny cartoons. Never know when you're going to need to make the car behind you fall through a bridge.

At 31 March, 2006, Blogger EE said...

Bottomless coffee sounds like a really good idea to me.

TOTALLY LOL at that last conversation. Sounds like that relationship is going to go really far and do really well.........NOT. LMAO

At 31 March, 2006, Blogger Jay said...

A bottomless cup of coffee would need a HUGE heated coaster. Cold coffee .. yuk!

My nieghbor, who is twenty is a serial engager. Right after she moved in she moved a boyfriend in with her. Then over one weekend she moved him out and another in. She's repeated this 4 or 5 times now. Each time she has shown me the engagement ring that the new boy has given her.

I wonder if she has all the rings still. Some people collect shot glasses, some people collect stamps, she collects engagement rings.

At 31 March, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

I want a portable perpetually heated coffee mug. I chug my coffee so that it doesn't cool off. I know they make those pad things but then you are like leashed to it. Can you put Hoop on it? He will come up with something brilliant! Then we will see him on the new invention show!!

At 31 March, 2006, Blogger mE said...

I'd ask where you come up with these people, but frankly so many women's attitudes towards men seem unbelievably bizarre to me lately.

Of course, that's from someone who thinks that you and Hoop are good examples of *normal*, because you sound so much like younger versions of the Pirate and I.

So obviously my opinion can't be trusted...


At 01 April, 2006, Anonymous Caryn said...

Great conversations--very deserving of being recorded. As for your newly engaged classmate, I'll place bets that either they end up staying in the same town the whole time, or they grow apart and break up. People just change too much in school.

At 01 April, 2006, Blogger eric said...

it just goes to show ... women want what they can't have. guys, too.

don't be fooled ... that guy's a playa!


At 01 April, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

Have you read Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure? I was listening to an audiobook of it the other day and for some reason it made me think of you!

At 01 April, 2006, Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

Oooh, Foo had a good idea...I want a portable hole too! Can I put my mortgage papers in it?

At 02 April, 2006, Blogger Brooke said...

OK someboday help me...explain the search terms thingamajig.

At 03 April, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Search terms are what people type into the search engines (Google/Yahoo/MSN) that bring your site up.


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