$85.00 in gas. $50.00 in junk food. 14 hours in the car. House hunting with Hoop? Priceless. Oh wait... This isn't a Mastercard commercial. "Priceless" is what came AFTER "Stressful." Here are the highlights of the weekend:
1. Reverted back to middle school by yelling,"Ass-monkey, Ass-bastard, Tard-o, Turd-face, and Fuckwad" at the cars around me.
2. Felt like an idiot when none of them yelled back, "I know you are but what am I?"
3. Saw a white 1970 Gremlin with the words "Electric Car" painted on it.
4. Thought about stopping to go cow tipping.
5. Referred to a house as "the color of poop" seconds before I realized the owner could hear us.
6. Talked to a real estate agent who kept calling me the wrong name, even though it was written right in front of her.
7. Looked at the house of a woman on an oxygen tank who kept hinting that she needed help moving.
8. When asked why she was moving got the answer, "Because all us old people in the neighborhood are finally dying!"
9. Was given the elaborate details of how to shoot a squirrel between the ears.
10. Sang the same Aerosmith song twelve times.
11. Had my butt go numb.
12. Was told I didn't look old enough to own a house.
13. Ate beef jerky, coffee, sweet tea, a rice crispy treat and Combos for lunch.
14. Counted forty-eight "Ten Commandment" signs on the side of the road and in people's yards.
15. Cringed as Hoop said, "Jesus Christ this is a big closet!" in front of one of those people.
16. Turned down looking at a house because it faced a school.
17. Turned down looking at a house because it faced a church.
18. Turned down looking at a house because it was a church.
19. Had a conversation with Hoop for over an hour on the uses of magnets.
20. Didn't find a single house we liked.
Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I wouldn't want to be a princess. All they do is sit around and try to look pretty.
Hoop: Yeah, but they have SERVANTS.
Tink: I'd rather be like Joan of Arc.
Hoop: I'd rather be a princess.
Tink: You'd rather be a princess?
Hoop: Sure. *Shrug* As long as there's video games.
Tink: You wouldn't want to be a knight?
Hoop: Hell no. Knights get killed.
Tink: Fair enough. I'll be a knight and you can be a princess.
Hoop: You know, I wouldn't mind being a knight, as long as I could be the knight manager.
Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: I wish I was a giant...
Tink: *Chokes on drink*
Hoop: ...or had a giant.
Hoop: We'd open up a tree moving business together. If someone wanted a tree then all the giant would have to do is stick his finger in the ground and then plop one in.
Tink: So, what would he need you for?
Daily Hoop Conversation 3:
Tink: What was that in the road?
Hoop: A can of Fix-A-Flat.
Hoop: If you ran over it and it popped your tire, would that be considered ironic?