Monday, March 27, 2006

Road Trip

$85.00 in gas. $50.00 in junk food. 14 hours in the car. House hunting with Hoop? Priceless. Oh wait... This isn't a Mastercard commercial. "Priceless" is what came AFTER "Stressful." Here are the highlights of the weekend:

1. Reverted back to middle school by yelling,"Ass-monkey, Ass-bastard, Tard-o, Turd-face, and Fuckwad" at the cars around me.
2. Felt like an idiot when none of them yelled back, "I know you are but what am I?"
3. Saw a white 1970
Gremlin with the words "Electric Car" painted on it.
4. Thought about stopping to go cow tipping.
5. Referred to a house as "the color of poop" seconds before I realized the owner could hear us.
6. Talked to a real estate agent who kept calling me the wrong name, even though it was written right in front of her.
7. Looked at the house of a woman on an oxygen tank who kept hinting that she needed help moving.
8. When asked why she was moving got the answer, "Because all us old people in the neighborhood are finally dying!"
9. Was given the elaborate details of how to shoot a squirrel between the ears.
10. Sang the same Aerosmith song twelve times.
11. Had my butt go numb.
12. Was told I didn't look old enough to own a house.
13. Ate beef jerky, coffee, sweet tea, a rice crispy treat and Combos for lunch.
14. Counted forty-eight "Ten Commandment" signs on the side of the road and in people's yards.
15. Cringed as Hoop said, "Jesus Christ this is a big closet!" in front of one of those people.
16. Turned down looking at a house because it faced a school.
17. Turned down looking at a house because it faced a church.
18. Turned down looking at a house because it was a church.
19. Had a conversation with Hoop for over an hour on the uses of magnets.
20. Didn't find a single house we liked.

Daily Hoop Conversation:
Tink: I wouldn't want to be a princess. All they do is sit around and try to look pretty.
Hoop: Yeah, but they have SERVANTS.
Tink: I'd rather be like Joan of Arc.
Hoop: I'd rather be a princess.
Tink: You'd rather be a princess?
Hoop: Sure. *Shrug* As long as there's video games.
Tink: You wouldn't want to be a knight?
Hoop: Hell no. Knights get killed.
Tink: Fair enough. I'll be a knight and you can be a princess.
Hoop: You know, I wouldn't mind being a knight, as long as I could be the knight manager.

Daily Hoop Conversation 2:
Hoop: I wish I was a giant...
Tink: *Chokes on drink*
Hoop: ...or had a giant.
Tink: Oh-kay.
Hoop: We'd open up a tree moving business together. If someone wanted a tree then all the giant would have to do is stick his finger in the ground and then plop one in.
Tink: So, what would he need you for?

Daily Hoop Conversation 3:
Tink: What was that in the road?
Hoop: A can of Fix-A-Flat.
...
Hoop: If you ran over it and it popped your tire, would that be considered ironic?

23 Comments:

At 27 March, 2006, Blogger FA said...

Isn't house hunting a huge pain in the ass? For me it's not so much seeing the houses, it's the damn real estate agents. Ugggghhh!!

#9 -- I had someone give me the same rundown on how to shoot a horse this weekend. What are these people thinking?

 
At 27 March, 2006, Anonymous Amanda B. said...

I always wish that I had a baby dragon. That way, when people cut me off in traffic I could sick him on them.

Also, baby dragons are really cute.

 
At 27 March, 2006, Blogger Chris said...

Hee hee. Princess Hoop. I LIKE it.

 
At 27 March, 2006, Blogger Mignon said...

"Referred to a house as "the color of poop" seconds before I realized the owner could hear us."

My daughter called our house poo-poo house because it's where she took her first poop in the toilet (when we were looking at it with the realtor). The owner heard her say this and said, "Yes, well, it's mostly deer poop."

Princess Hoop and the Giant. Sounds like some fetish, transvestite show.

 
At 27 March, 2006, Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Baby poop?? Adult poop? Diarrhea? There's a lot of variation there. You need to be more specific.

Magnets?? What could you discuss for an hour about magnets? Oh yeah, the convo was with Hoop. Nevermind.

 
At 27 March, 2006, Blogger Tink said...

Fa: I would rather get teeth pulled.

Amanda: Now a baby dragon I can understand! :D

Chris: If he only knew...

Mignon: LOL! "Mostly deer poop." What was the other poop if it wasn't deer?

Debbie: See? You're catching on. I don't even try and justify them anymore.

 
At 27 March, 2006, Blogger mama_tulip said...

When we were selling I can't tell you the number of people -- realtors and buyers -- that made quips about me not looking old enough to own a house, sell a house or be in the market for a new house. I wasn't sure if I should be offended or flattered.

 
At 27 March, 2006, Blogger EE said...

LOL.....sounds really, really fun......snort!

That real estate agent calling you by the wrong name would have annoyed me. That happens to me a lot and I'm too much of a wuss to correct them and then find myself actually answering to the wrong name so as not to embarass them. LMAO, makes no sense.

LOL at Hoop wanting to be a Princess.

 
At 27 March, 2006, Blogger Chelle Y. said...

My husband wants to be a princess too! He actually was Daisy Duck for Halloween, I would not let him get the Cinderella outfit! LOL

 
At 27 March, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

Knight manager--hehehe.

Sorry you didn't find the perfect house--you will soon, I know it!!

 
At 27 March, 2006, Blogger Arabella said...

Tink, will you come on my next road trip?

 
At 27 March, 2006, Anonymous TB said...

I feel ya on the house hunting. But, as you told me recently, the housing bubble is no more... that means it's a buyer's market baby! Things are looking up.

 
At 27 March, 2006, Blogger Iamadesigner said...

House hunting sounds like it sucks about as much as apartment hunting. I feel your pain!

 
At 27 March, 2006, Blogger The Queen Mama said...

House hunting bites. I've been lurking on realtor.com for about a year now. Never find anything I'm even remotely interested in.

"color of poop" house reminded me of the house I lived in when I was about 6. It was this weird dark green that we called the "yucka green" house. Which, to a 6-year-old, made perfect sense and was very funny.

It wasn't until I was an adult that mom told me that she and dad were actually referring to "yucca green," the actual name of the paint color as bought at Sherwin Williams. She never had the heart to tell me.

Oh.

In my head it's still "yucka."

 
At 27 March, 2006, Blogger eric said...

you need to jump on that school thing. house value jumps way up ... as long as the school is a good one.

e+

 
At 28 March, 2006, Blogger R. Robyn said...

Sounds like a healthy lunch! I think my perfect lunch would be Combos, Slim Jims, Chex Mix, and a Slurpee.

 
At 28 March, 2006, Blogger Cheryl said...

Aaahhhh....the fun of house hunting. Foo can probably add his share of remembrances to our trips about 2 years ago. And getting a good realtor that you connect with is priceless! Ours has become a member of our family. She helped me with trying to keep Foo calm during the buying/selling/building AND moving process. For THAT, she deserves an award! Tink, find a realtor that you both like. It'll make the process a lot more fun AND tolerable.

That comment "the color of poop" sounds like something Foo would have said. Hm...he might have! *LOL*

 
At 28 March, 2006, Blogger Foo said...

I believe my actual description was "s*** brindle brown".

 
At 28 March, 2006, Blogger mrspao said...

I'm intrigued - cow tipping? Do cows get tips? Are they good waiters/waitresses?

 
At 28 March, 2006, Blogger wordgirl said...

Your weekends always sound so colorful and full of activity. Like a cartoon...only with real people. Totally interesting.

 
At 28 March, 2006, Blogger Blogger said...

Thanks for the comment

 
At 28 March, 2006, Blogger Rock said...

Once I decided to house hunt in LA it took me nine months to finish and I remember never liking the faxed copy of the house I eventually bought (and almost blew off seeing) but I'm glad we did. When you know - you know.

 
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